Introverted and Intuitive (INFP)

eBook on Networking ... for INtJs and Other Introverts ...

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Greetings, Nancy!

I apologize for the delay in writing to you. Quite some time ago, March or April I believe, you were kind enough to send your entire e-book to me after I ordered the INTJ page. I of course meant to read it immediately and send feedback, but right at that time I became extremely busy with work and had to put it on the back burner. So, hopefully better late than never, here are my comments…

Preparing to go to the networking meeting.
First off I really enjoyed reading the book and found that it reinforced quite a few things that I’ve realized on my own and have been trying to work on for several years. One of the main points to stand out was the importance of planning and intention as far as networking and maintaining contacts. Exactly! I believe for most people networking, work parties, etc. are quite spontaneous and other than planning what to wear, they just go for it. This used to be a frustrating thought for me – before I started researching introversion/extroversion, astrology and personality types. I really used to think something was wrong with me when I had to put so much time and effort into preparing to attend an event – reviewing what I would ask certain people, how I would talk about myself, etc. It was helpful to read examples in your book about other people having to do the SAME thing!

Falsification of type.
As far as more specific points… On page 7 – I couldn’t agree more with the “results of falsification.” I have been in many situations where I have really been pretending to be someone I am not and I always pay for it. Headaches and fatigue almost always follow the occasions where I have played the dreaded extrovert.

Direction in life.
On page 17 you discuss the need for having a direction for your life and that is something I am really struggling with right now. I have come to realize what works for me personally – that I am definitely an introvert and must have my surroundings “fit” accordingly, but I haven’t quite figured out which direction to go in as far as a career. I have come across some great people who have expressed an interest in helping me but what can they do when even I don’t know what I want?

English major with a minor in Art History.
To give you a little background and maybe more understanding, I can start with 4 years ago when I graduated from college. I went to a very good, very well respected private liberal arts college. It was an extremely small school and I got to know several professors quite well. I was an English major with a minor in art history. My plan was to go to grad school, get an M.A. in English, find a teaching job at the community college level and possibly start work on my PhD after I had been teaching awhile. Well, that was four years ago and I really haven’t accomplished a thing!

I’m not sure what happened but things seemed to have unraveled since graduation. During my senior year of college I got very sick in the beginning of my final semester and had to take the semester off. Since I went to such a tiny college, it ended up taking both semesters of the next school year AND the following summer session to get the classes I needed and I didn’t graduate until late August of that year. Obviously this threw me off track for grad school since it requires so much advance preparation and I hadn’t even started on the application process.

Temporary job for tax season.
I decided to take the year off following graduation so I could do the applications “right” and get my writing portfolios together and so on. During that time I got a job with the city helping in the income tax department. The pay was excellent, it was the perfect atmosphere for me, flexible scheduling, and the biggest shock of all – I actually LIKED my co-workers! Believe me, it was a first. It was only for tax season, though.

Two dead end jobs and unemployment.
To make a long story short, I started grad school after taking a year off and quit 3 weeks into it. I just completed my fourth tax season and I now have another temp position for a company which scores the essay section of the State’s standardized tests given in the public schools. In between these two dead-end jobs I collect unemployment and wonder: WHAT WENT WRONG!? I have lost contact with the professors who wrote me recommendation letters and every single one of the people I would consider a contact from college has moved out of state!! I have no idea which direction to head in next but feel I need to make some sort of firm decision SOON and then stick with it.

How important direction is.
Your book made it even more clear how important direction is and the need to be specific when talking about jobs and careers. As much as I like both of my seasonal jobs and then being able to basically “hide” while collecting unemployment, I know I can’t keep it up and am shortchanging myself. Things need to change.

The Wonder World of WWW.
Moving on, you also mention the wonderful world of the internet for us introverts. I couldn’t agree more! The internet has made a world of difference in my life, it really has. I DO balance it with personal contact though and I don’t think you can push that point enough. While I would be more than happy to conduct ALL of my business over the net, most people have to validate everything with personal contact. A ringing telephone is an instrument of torture for me and email is just, ahhhhh, so nice! I find that the personal contact generally initiated by email is much easier to handle than phone calls or unannounced visits. In college whenever group projects were assigned, email was the chosen method of communication. What a life-saver! Inquiring about jobs has become so much easier – everything has been made easier for me by the internet.

We're against contrived attendance at events.
I really enjoyed chapter 12. The person I identified with most was not the other INTJ, but with David the contractor. When he talks about the need to be seen regularly in normal situations, I couldn’t agree more. I think sometimes more introverted people tend to think TOO MUCH about what everything means and overlook the simple stuff. Your “appearance” doesn’t have to be some grand thing, it is often enough to just show up. Show up at work events and smile. Shop at the local stores even though you dread running into people and just go anyway and smile and nod to people. The more you make these appearances, the easier it is to back out of events where you know you will be horribly uncomfortable. Thankfully I learned this lesson before I took a job in a corporate law firm several years ago – TERRIBLE PLACE FOR AN INTROVERT, by the way. I showed up at the stupid picnics, had a hot-dog, commented on how cuuuuuute co-workers kids were (I hate children) and went on my way. I showed up at the office parties, said hello, smiled, and left. By attending these events it was easier to back out of the firm’s ultra formal Christmas party and my boss’s annual pool party. I was never loud or excessive or even really talkative – but I went to the events I could most easily tolerate and behaved as pleasantly as possible and life was much smoother than it had been before when I avoided all social functions and tried NOT to interact with anyone. David’s comments were really on the mark for me and I think would be beneficial for most introverts.

Lynn Scheurel's personal tips.
Lynn’s comments stood out, too. She also talks about planning for the event and I really liked what she had to say on Page 60-61 about how she positions herself, how she holds things, etc. It’s great to read about someone else doing that! Lynn mentions realizing people are just people and most people think of themselves more than they think about you. I think this goes back to introverts generally thinking too much and how sometimes we have to remind ourselves how things really are.

Time efficiency.
Another thing that comes up often is the issue of not wasting time. Time efficiency has always been an issue for me and I never really understood it until recently. Basically, I prefer to be at home by myself and I prefer it to be quiet. To me, this IS life, this is when life happens. Everything that takes place outside of my home or any other place that I really choose to be, is (usually) wasting time – that’s the way I feel, anyway. If I am going to go somewhere – shopping, to a work function, to an appointment, whatever – I feel a huge amount of anxiety if I don’t know how long it will take or what to accomplish. I need to know what the point is, what am I going for and how long will take or else I feel totally crazy. Sometimes I really hate feeling that way, too. For the most part, learning about introversion has been enlightening and has made my life better, but this is something I struggle with and apparently am not alone. Obviously I wouldn’t attend a work function for the free food and chatter so there has to something else to gain from it. I try to be more laid back and go with the flow but it is hard to escape powerful feelings about time being wasted. Of course it can be helpful to set off with an agenda and schedule, but other times it is not.

Well, this email is getting to be pretty long so I shall wrap it up! I believe I already sent you comments regarding the specific INTJ profile included in the book, so I won’t rehash that here. Thanks again for sending me the book and I’m sorry it took so long to get feedback to you!

Have a great weekend!
--K

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