From 15 year old Laura, INFJ ...
I've always been the shy and quiet one. It annoys me that people still make a big deal out of my silence. I have always been viewed as bright and people tend to come to me for answers. I dislike this because I don't feel that I am too smart even though I get good grades. But I do like explaining things and being right. What INTJ doesn't?
I constantly find myself daydreaming. (The reason why I still don't know my way around the city I have lived in all my life.)
In school I talk to few people and dislike small talk. It sometimes hurts people's feelings when I tell them they aren't my friend, only an acquaintance. They think that I don't like them.
I find the kids that are immature and waste time to be annoying. It is also annoying when someone wastes my time.
I have heard that some people think I am arrogant...I know that I'm not. ( I can't stand arrogance!) Also, I don't like working in teams because I want things done my way and I feel that if left to others, the results would not be as good.
I don't like public speaking or being the center of any drama. I used to just refrain from talking to other people, thinking I was weird. But now I try to engage in small talk here and there and once in a while make a social appearance. I do it because I dislike all the fuss made over someone that has no social life...I do it to shut people up and make my life easier :D
That's a little mean but...idiocy and mediocrity annoys me.
I believe that I have a unique way of thinking and pity others that lack it. I am competitive and find my self striving to be the best. I like feeling accomplished and it annoys me when I feel lazy. Too bad I am lazy lol.
I'm not sure if I have any INTJ friends but I wish I did because the others' lack of understanding me really bug me. Plus, I am not interested in the same things. It's nice to see that I am not alone!
Nancy's note: It seems this type of self awareness comes early to infj's. I find it quite marvelous.
It's time for an infj story about my daughter, the infj.
When she was all of 7 or 8 years old we were having pizza slices at a coffee house and I, the infp, got wrapped up in the pathos of a young man at a nearby table. My daughter demanded to know why I was staring, partly because she wanted my entire attention but there were always a few layers to anything she did. "I feel so sorry for him," I said. Her reply, quite agitated. "Mother! Don't ever feel sorry for anyone.!! Pity is crippling. He's as capable as anyone else."
As always with infj's, she was right.
my daughter, the infj WunderKind
1 Comments:
Your article about names really got me thinking. Circulating the Internet not long ago was a wonderful piece on children’s definitions of love. One child said, “I know someone loves me when my name feels safe in their mouth.” There’s nothing sweeter than to hear our name in love. Naming your child is one of the first important acts you perform for them.
Naming things gives us a sense of mastery. Remember the Creation story in the Bible? It’s all about naming things, and about creating order out of chaos. To be named gives us a sense of self. Remember the first time your toddler named himself by his own name – the great “I am.” My friends’ son announced one day, “I go store and I ARE JOHN.”
But what “self” are you giving your child when you name him or her?
There are probably a lot of stories like the one in "Freakonomics." Another strange example? A judge tried a child custody case where the unwed father wanted custody of his son and to rename him. The mother had named him Weather'ByDotComChanelFourcast [Smith].
That judge, too, asked her to explain every syllable choice. (Something about the father being a weather forecaster on TV.) The father wanted to rename the child Samuel Charles. As "Samuel" means "God listens," it was well chosen and I hope he won.
I’m reminded of the child psychologist who told me he was seeing a girl who was an identical twin. The parents had named the twin girls Sugar and Spice. Guess which one was in counseling?
One would imagine these folks put more time and thought into choosing a car than in choosing their child’s name; I mean the ramifications of it...
What you name your children is important, in itself and also in terms of their self-esteem. Let’s take for example when there are two sons. This issue is confronted head-on when the British refer to Henry and Will as “the heir and the spare.”
In patrilineal cultures, the possessions belong to the father and when he dies, they go to the firstborn son. In feudal times, the first son got the land and the title and was a lord, the second son went into the military, and the third son (having no possessions whatsoever) went into the monastery. We honor this old idea when we name the first son “Jr.” The idea is that the first son is more important somehow.
I looked up the meanings of the names of some of the first and second sons I know and look what I came up with. Watch the progression from a name with an aggressive meaning, to the name of a neutral or inanimate object, to something spiritual.
Gerald – spear warrior
John – gift of God
Neil – champion
Samuel – asked of God, or God listens
Rod – famous ruler
Brad – from the broad meadow
Marshall – keeper of horses
Chester – from the fortified camp
Neil – champion
Bruce – woodlands
Robert – bright fame
John – gift of God
Ronald – powerful, mighty
Donald – brown stranger
Bryan – the strong
Kevin – gentle, lovable
Robert – bright fame
John – gift of God
Doug – from the dark water
John – gift of God
In the case of the heir to the throne of Great Britain (William), and the spare (Harry), Charles and Diana were no exception. William means resolute guardian, and Harry means army-power.
What about this second child of the same sex, the one who doesn’t have any photos in the baby book, etc.?
The cry of all young siblings is “That’s not fair!” Whatever it is they’re comparing, likely isn’t “fair,” as there are things in life we can’t choose that aren’t fair. The child with the red hair wants to be blond like her sister. The child with the freckles envies the sibling who doesn’t. The child with the athletic ability wishes he had his sister’s IQ. Part of life is learning to play the hand you were dealt.
My family has a number of two-son families and when I would listen to the cousins debate whether it’s better to be the oldest or the youngest (only kids would do this!), I would hear that one was envying what the other would gladly have given up.
Some things about parenting you can’t win – someone’s got to be born first, and someone second, and whatever your place in the birth order, something comes with it. But you do get to choose their names.
Think about what the following parents did. Some names have been changed to protect anonymity but they are true to the examples:
· To name a girl Temptress, unless, of course, you value that and want her to be one
· To name one boy John, Jr. and the other Fred. (you could make the second one a “II” after another male in the family)
· To name one daughter Brunhilde and the other one Candee
· To establish a theme and then bust it – 4 boys in the family, William Charles, Wendell Collin, Wesley Cameron and then came little Edward John. Or Elke, Helga, Gertrude and Mary Jane
· To name a girl for her father - Martha and Emmet L. Smith named their daughter Emmie Dell, “after her father”
· Daughters - no. 1, Ushi (ox), no. 2, Ling (delicate), no. 3, Meiying (beautiful flower). Wonder who’s the “workhorse” in that family?
· To call the first son Thomas and the second son Jimmy … even when they’re 36 and 34 years old
· Children with “equal” given names who are introduced as – “This is Susanna and this is Tiny”; “He’s Billy, and well, we call him King Tut”; “This is Alison, and this is Maria, and over there is The Princess of Quite-a-Lot”
It wouldn’t hurt to look up the meanings of the names you’re considering and see if these are attributes you would consciously wish your child to have. Here’s one site: http://pregnancy.parenthood.com/babynames.html .
Names seem to fall into 4 categories:
1. Made up name (or spelling) - Kymburlee, Aquanetta (yes, there is a child with that name)
2. Attributes. Many are war-oriented and aggressive, like Walter (mighty warrior) but some are positive, though limiting, like Kurt (courteous) or Aretha (best), and some are lamentable, like Claudia (lame), Cecil (blind), or (for heaven’s sake) Meklorka, (Norse for “a deaf and mute concubine”)
3. Neutral or pleasing – Susan (lily), Hadley (heath-covered meadow), and Kelly (farm by the spring), Camille, Rose,
4. Spiritual (for want of a better word) - Hannah (Grace of God) and Mustafa (one of Prophet Muhammed’s names), Godfried (God’s peace)
I think Nancy Fenn has a great idea in suggesting that if you want a more peaceful world, you name your children Alison (noble, kind) and Fred (peace) rather than Chad (warlike) or Louise (famous warrior).
“What’s in a name?” asked Shakespeare. Well, many things, so name yourself Shannon (wise) or Conrad (wise counselor) when you name your child. It’s something they’ll have for a very long time, and they’ll likely be trying to live up to it, live it out, or maybe even live it down.
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