INFP time ...
A reader says: One thing that I hate more than anything else in the world, is having someone at my house when I arrive home from work. After a long day of dealing with people the last thing I want to come home to are more people! Even if I have 15 minutes to myself I'm ok, but having to immediately jump into another social situation frazzles me. Does anyone else feel that way?
-- cat, age 30 (no email)
A reader responds: yes oh yes!
Same goes for email, phones, or any other form of 'forced expressiveness'. When I get home, I want to be left alone. Consider yourself lucky you can 'cool down' in 15 minutes. I mostly
need an hour or two. It is really important for me to evaluate my day during that time and to make sure that what I did, thougt, said, felt, decided, ... is in line with my inner self. During the day there is simply no time for reflection.
If I can't take this time, because friends call to go out, mom calls to hear how I'm doing, or because i've already got about 40 unanswered private emails during this week, or because I have to attend to my adminstration,... I feel my lack of medidation time 'building up'. That can happen only for so long. If the bucket is full it needs to be emtpied. It happens often that I simply dissappear from the face of the earth during a whole weekend.
It is hard for my (ENFJ) girlfriend who needs to chat about her day in all flavors and to use me as a 'bouncing ball' for her ideas and insights. She calls me every single day. I know that's because she loves me and wants to talk to me. But if I am in my 'cool down time' and I don't answer her call, se feels rejected.
I am in the process of trying to explain her my 'dissapearences' during evenings or weekends. She seems to be understandable or at least she tries, what a lucky man I am to have a girlfriend like that! In fact, I discovered something very special. Her presence charges me while I am contemplating! She has to shut up of course, but during those silent moments with her I feel really loved. It's amazing, I've never felt so comfortable around somebody.
I took an MBTI test a few months after graduating (engineering) during my first job in a big firm. I tested ESTJ (yes, indeed, I tried to be the kind of person I thought I had to be in order to be successful and in order to fit in. I've always felt an irresistable instinctive adaptiveness towards people around me, at the same time considering my real individualty as something very private.
Discussions about most issues felt simply too trivial to stand ground and harm the atmosphere), and I tested extremely on all scales. The psychologist who accompagnied the test was very suspicious. She turned out to be right. I was already feeling miserable a few years (I can pinpoint the event that triggerd the insight that my hiding behind a 'pleasant face' was in fact hurting my psyche, but that insight was the beginning of a long process of self acceptance which I think I am almost through with now) and trying to be 'corporate' didn't help (btw there is a link on nancy's introvertzcoach website towards a very intersting article about ESTJ bias in organisations. It's true, I've seen it).
Recently I took an MBTI again, but this time answered who I feel I am, not who I feel I ought to be. Turned out to be INFP. That, and my subsequent search on the internet (during which I discovered the introvertzcoach) mark the last phase of my self-acceptance process.
Now I am considering a radical career change. A am an engineer, but doing legal work in a highly technical environment. It's a nice team, I learn a lot, but what I really want to be is a photographer. I want to be James Nachtwey.
--d, age 26
A reader says: One thing that I hate more than anything else in the world, is having someone at my house when I arrive home from work. After a long day of dealing with people the last thing I want to come home to are more people! Even if I have 15 minutes to myself I'm ok, but having to immediately jump into another social situation frazzles me. Does anyone else feel that way?
-- cat, age 30 (no email)
A reader responds: yes oh yes!
Same goes for email, phones, or any other form of 'forced expressiveness'. When I get home, I want to be left alone. Consider yourself lucky you can 'cool down' in 15 minutes. I mostly
need an hour or two. It is really important for me to evaluate my day during that time and to make sure that what I did, thougt, said, felt, decided, ... is in line with my inner self. During the day there is simply no time for reflection.
If I can't take this time, because friends call to go out, mom calls to hear how I'm doing, or because i've already got about 40 unanswered private emails during this week, or because I have to attend to my adminstration,... I feel my lack of medidation time 'building up'. That can happen only for so long. If the bucket is full it needs to be emtpied. It happens often that I simply dissappear from the face of the earth during a whole weekend.
It is hard for my (ENFJ) girlfriend who needs to chat about her day in all flavors and to use me as a 'bouncing ball' for her ideas and insights. She calls me every single day. I know that's because she loves me and wants to talk to me. But if I am in my 'cool down time' and I don't answer her call, se feels rejected.
I am in the process of trying to explain her my 'dissapearences' during evenings or weekends. She seems to be understandable or at least she tries, what a lucky man I am to have a girlfriend like that! In fact, I discovered something very special. Her presence charges me while I am contemplating! She has to shut up of course, but during those silent moments with her I feel really loved. It's amazing, I've never felt so comfortable around somebody.
I took an MBTI test a few months after graduating (engineering) during my first job in a big firm. I tested ESTJ (yes, indeed, I tried to be the kind of person I thought I had to be in order to be successful and in order to fit in. I've always felt an irresistable instinctive adaptiveness towards people around me, at the same time considering my real individualty as something very private.
Discussions about most issues felt simply too trivial to stand ground and harm the atmosphere), and I tested extremely on all scales. The psychologist who accompagnied the test was very suspicious. She turned out to be right. I was already feeling miserable a few years (I can pinpoint the event that triggerd the insight that my hiding behind a 'pleasant face' was in fact hurting my psyche, but that insight was the beginning of a long process of self acceptance which I think I am almost through with now) and trying to be 'corporate' didn't help (btw there is a link on nancy's introvertzcoach website towards a very intersting article about ESTJ bias in organisations. It's true, I've seen it).
Recently I took an MBTI again, but this time answered who I feel I am, not who I feel I ought to be. Turned out to be INFP. That, and my subsequent search on the internet (during which I discovered the introvertzcoach) mark the last phase of my self-acceptance process.
Now I am considering a radical career change. A am an engineer, but doing legal work in a highly technical environment. It's a nice team, I learn a lot, but what I really want to be is a photographer. I want to be James Nachtwey.
--d, age 26
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