You
can tell for sure. Introverted babies and toddlers move
away from lights, noise, motion and people. Extroverted
babies move toward them.
If
your baby moves away from people, it doesn't mean your
little one is going to be unsociable, it just means
he or she is going to be an introvert!
Even
at a very young age, your introverted child needs to
take people on his or her own terms. Often introverted
babies and children signal this quality by staring intensely
at a new person as if setting up an energetic no man's
land or at least a slow down zone.
I
remember the first time I met my enchanting 18 month
old nephew. When I entered his bedroom, I waited quietly
at the door while his mother lifted him out of the crib
and onto the floor. He needed to get a complete sense
of who I was. As he came toward me (forced to by circumstances),
he looked me right in the eye all the way across the
room with his binkie hanging from his hand as if to
say, "You can look, but please don't touch."
Introverts are territorial and they are territorial
about their own bodies. One can only imagine the horror
of swooping down on a child like this and grabbing him
up in your arms. No, no, no on several levels!
An
extroverted child on the other hand will begin to create
sound and motion in order to draw another person to
them. Their faces form vivid expressions as their eyebrows
go up and their mouths squeal, shout, laugh or "order"
as only a two year old can, "Come here!" or
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Their hands twirls,
their heads bob and their bodies move toward you as
fast as their dancing feet can carry them.
My
nephew who made as little motion as possible in crossing
the distance between us. I mirrored his body language,
always a good thing in human relations but I would have
done it anyway. I'm an introvert, too.
We
used to have a test that went around in the days before
the internet. Among a number of other things, you were
asked to react to what it would be like to be in a plain
white room with no windows or doors. The way the test
was set up, this revealed that it was either your idea
of heaven or hell.
Introverts
thought it was heaven. They found the lack of environmental
stimulation relaxing, a relief, and especially the fact
that there were no doors or windows so there could be
no unexpected interruptions. Extroverts on the other
hand considered the lack of stimulation - color, sound,
noise, motion and windows to the outer world - nothing
less than an unnatural torture.
Try
to keep this vivid example in mind when arranging the
environment for your introverted child. Because their
inner world is so rich, outwardly speaking, less is
definitely more.
Naturally
your introverted child loves and needs mom, dad, grandparents
and other siblings very much but the idea is to minimize
other stimulants so that your child can enjoy personal
space and feel good about territorial issues as s/he
begins to sort things through in the outer world.
Here
are some guidelines for toddler introverts:
- ONE
AT A TIME PLEASE. One
person, one toy, one activity, even one food at
a time.
- PLEASE
DON'T EXPECT FIRST TIME RESULTS. Introverted
children will need time to prepare and get used
to new things their whole lives long. The first
time is almost always difficult and especially if
it involves something that has to be done in public.
Introverts can experience a profound sense of humiliation
if they fail to meet expectations. This same nephew,
when taken to the public library for the first time,
asked solemnly, "Now what are the rules of
this place?"
- PLEASE
DON'T REQUIRE ELABORATE REACTIONS. Introverts
often maintain a neutral facial expression and low
key emotional response when in fact they are very
intense in their reactions to things. This is to
conserve energy. My paternal grandmother was very
extroverted. She had figured out that opening presents
at Christmas was a great way to get a lot of attention.
She could have earned an Academy Award. She held
everyone in the family in thrall as she oohed and
aahed over ribbon, paper, box, seals, smells, sounds,
the whole nine yards. This worked well for her theatrical
personality but for an introverted kid like me it
was absolutely exhausting to have to put on a show
like this. The sad thing was my dad wouldn't believe
I was happy with a present or properly grateful
unless I did. I began to think that getting presents
was an ordeal because then I would have to open
them!
- PLEASE
AVOID DENSELY BUSY PLACES WHERE THERE ARE HIGH LEVELS
OF NOISE AND LIGHTS. Hopefully
your home isn't like this (very hard on introverts)!
A big offender in this category is children's birthday
parties at big public places that cater to extroverted
children with loud computer games, PA system, packed
tables, crowded aisles, competition and confusion
over "play tickets", moving rides and
adults dressed up in animal or cartoon costumes
who intrude into personal space! Extroverted kids
love this. Introverted children find it exhausting
and overwhelming.
- ESPECIALLY
UNDER STRESS, INTROVERTED CHILDREN HAVE STRONG TERRITORIAL
ISSUES WHICH INCLUDE THEIR OWN BODY.
As soon as possible, please provide a private bedroom
with a door that closes. Introverted kids can be
exhausted by a typical school day and need privacy
to recharge their batteries. Kids already under
stress (like the first day of school) can also have
strong territorial reactions to their outer garments
being removed or lunch boxes taken away by a teacher
or another adult -- or shoes removed at a play park.
Please be sensitive to these issues.
Baby
introverts often have a dreamy or faraway look like
these adorable kids!
Introverts
babies are also pictures in these articles: Please
Put Me Back Where You Found Me, Children
are Introverts, Too and One
Is, One Isn't.
I
hope I've given you some ideas of what to look for and
how to support your introverted child. Please remember
that introversion is a legitimate personality style.
Introverts are only 30% of the population. Your child
may need special support at home to learn how to cope
with a world set up by alien others! The way to win
is not to force them to become a bad imitation of an
extrovert. Introversion is a legitimate personality
type. Instead, help them to become more conscious introverts.
Feel
like raising some consciousness?
click
to have one for your favorite baby introvert
