Dear Author
So happy I happened upon your article - whilst trawling through various sites about Myers-Briggs types. I only became aware of this typing if personalities a few weeks ago.
I started dating a man and had great trouble understanding him - which he related to his ex - and she sent me an info email about him and included the Myers-Briggs prortrait of him - an ISTJ. I went online and tested myself and came up as an INFP. I had him take the test again and sure enough he is an ISTJ. This is the opposite way around to you re: genders.
Obviously our (yours and mine) stories eg. childhoods and other influences, are very different, but there is a huge difference in the way INFP's and ISTJ's relate to the world and each other. I have never been married and if I believe your views - probably I have spared many from the fate of living with me! I always felt I was rather a perfectionist and I was destined for nothing less than the ultimate in true abiding love. Now in my later years - having fallen in love? (only the 2nd time in my life) with an ISTJ I am doubting my sanity on a daily basis - it is very bitter-sweet!
Having had several relationships in my life where things worked out fairly well (but of course not well enough!) I had never met someone so strange in his way of thinking and behaving - needing order and structure and seemingly unspontaneous. I judge by my emotions and feeling and gut instinct - therefore structure and rules are not my first consideration. I also think that if we can be more open and considerate we can overcome difficulties and differences - but am I kidding myself? On a daily basis - on one hand I am so happy to have him in my life, and on the other hand - think I must be mad as I mull over what I think are unsurmountable situations and differences in perception.
I understand your committment, and of course ISTJ's make their committments forever - whatever the circumstances. My ISTJ divorced 6 years ago only because his wife came out as lesbian and he had tolerated her relationship with her lesbian lover for 5 years. Unbelievable to me that he tolerated it that long - but he was loath to end the marriage and there were children involved - whom he ended up having custody of. He has been an unsuccessful parent - mainly I believe, because he has no idea of their emotional needs. Financially and physically he is there for them but not emotionally. He is not from an unhappy past but cannot express his feelings and has always found it difficult to talk about them, whereas I need to talk about my feelings and perceptions. My daughter says that I am the most emotional person she has ever known (yes I do have 2 children - but that's another story!) and of course we show more emotion to our kids and family than we would to outsiders.
My past relationships, I realise now, lasted much too long because I was always sure that they would become what I wanted. It took much too long for me to acknowledge failure and realise that my suitors were indeed not suitable at all. The fact that I put up with them at all - I now put that down to low self esteem or in some cases to loneliness - having come from a fairly disfunctional background which I had removed myself from at a young age.
Guess I could go on writing forever! Wish I could just get on with life and take things as they come - it seems the most difficult thing to do. I have been accused many times in my life of "thinking too much".
I would be pleased to hear from you if you care to reply.
Best Wishes for your happiness in 2005!
Carole
