Introverts! Please Understand How We Communicate

King Lear with the body of Cordelia
illustration by Friedrich Pecht
in Shakespeare-Galerie, 1876

WAS CORDELIA AN INTROVERT?

IS THAT WHY SHE COULDN'T ANSWER?

King Lear asked his daughter, Cordelia, to tell him how much she loved him and she couldn't answer, though she loved him immensely, and a lot of really, really bad things happened as a result.

There may be more dead bodies on stage at the end of King Lear than any otrher Shakespearean tragedy.

Shakespeare was an infp introvert, the type that knows people best of all the MBTI types. His plays are masterpieces of language and as character studies they are without parallel in the world. As an infp, Shakespeare would have known what it's like when the cat gets your tongue and he would have known under precisely which conditions that is most likely to happen .

Was it because she was an introvert?

SUMMARY: Shakespeare's elderly King Lear is dividing his kingdom into thirds, one third for each of his daughters, Goneril, Regan and Cordelia. All they have to do is tell him how much they love him. The extroverted sisters, Goneril and Regan sing like birds with all sorts of extravagant flattery and exaggerated sentiments, while introverted Cordelia, the one who really loves him, can't find her tongue or, as she puts it, "cannot heave her heart into her mouth".

As the famous play opens ...

[skip the lines from the play]

KING LEAR Meantime we shall express our darker purpose.
Give me the map there. Know that we have divided
In three our kingdom: and 'tis our fast intent
To shake all cares and business from our age; Conferring them on younger strengths, while we Unburthen'd crawl toward death. Our son of Cornwall, And you, our no less loving son of Albany,
We have this hour a constant will to publish
Our daughters' several dowers, that future strife
May be prevented now. The princes, France and Burgundy,
Great rivals in our youngest daughter's love,
Long in our court have made their amorous sojourn,
And here are to be answer'd. Tell me, my daughters,--
Since now we will divest us both of rule,
Interest of territory, cares of state,--
Which of you shall we say doth love us most?
That we our largest bounty may extend
Where nature doth with merit challenge. Goneril,
Our eldest-born, speak first.

GONERIL Sir, I love you more than words can wield the matter;
Dearer than eye-sight, space, and liberty;
Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare;
No less than life, with grace, health, beauty, honour;
As much as child e'er loved, or father found;
A love that makes breath poor, and speech unable;
Beyond all manner of so much I love you.

CORDELIA [Aside] What shall Cordelia do?
Love, and be silent.

LEAR Of all these bounds, even from this line to this,
With shadowy forests and with champains rich'd,
With plenteous rivers and wide-skirted meads,
We make thee lady: to thine and Albany's issue
Be this perpetual. What says our second daughter,
Our dearest Regan, wife to Cornwall? Speak.

REGAN Sir, I am made
Of the self-same metal that my sister is,
And prize me at her worth. In my true heart
I find she names my very deed of love;
Only she comes too short: that I profess
Myself an enemy to all other joys,
Which the most precious square of sense possesses;
And find I am alone felicitate
In your dear highness' love.

CORDELIA [Aside] Then poor Cordelia!
And yet not so; since, I am sure, my love's
More richer than my tongue.

KING LEAR To thee and thine hereditary ever
Remain this ample third of our fair kingdom;
No less in space, validity, and pleasure,
Than that conferr'd on Goneril. Now, our joy,
Although the last, not least; to whose young love
The vines of France and milk of Burgundy
Strive to be interess'd; what can you say to draw
A third more opulent than your sisters? Speak.

CORDELIA Nothing, my lord.

KING LEAR Nothing!

CORDELIA Nothing.

KING LEAR Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.

CORDELIA Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave
My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty
According to my bond; nor more nor less.

KING LEAR How, how, Cordelia! mend your speech a little,
Lest it may mar your fortunes.

CORDELIA Good my lord,
You have begot me, bred me, loved me: I
Return those duties back as are right fit,
Obey you, love you, and most honour you.
Why have my sisters husbands, if they say
They love you all? Haply, when I shall wed,
That lord whose hand must take my plight shall carry
Half my love with him, half my care and duty:
Sure, I shall never marry like my sisters,
To love my father all.

KING LEAR But goes thy heart with this?

CORDELIA Ay, good my lord.

KING LEAR So young, and so untender?

CORDELIA So young, my lord, and true.

KING LEAR Let it be so; thy truth, then, be thy dower:
For, by the sacred radiance of the sun,
The mysteries of Hecate, and the night;
By all the operation of the orbs
From whom we do exist, and cease to be;
Here I disclaim all my paternal care,
Propinquity and property of blood,
And as a stranger to my heart and me
Hold thee, from this, for ever. The barbarous Scythian,
Or he that makes his generation messes
To gorge his appetite, shall to my bosom
Be as well neighbour'd, pitied, and relieved,
As thou my sometime daughter.

KENT Good my liege,--

KING LEAR Peace, Kent!
Come not between the dragon and his wrath.
I loved her most, and thought to set my rest
On her kind nursery. Hence, and avoid my sight! ...

As the play progresses, a tragedy if there ever was one, Lear learns that his chatty, extroverted daughters don't love him at all. They are out to destroy him now that he is powerless. Introverted Cordelia later does everything she can to save her father's life and kingdom, but it is too late and they die in each other's arms.

How many times have you, as an introvert, been put on the spot like this? "What do you think of this?" "How do you feel about that?" Has someone given you a piece of their mind only to stand there and look dumbfounded at you because you can't think of a thing to say in response, nay, even in your own defense?

Em tells this story. "I dated this really sweet guy in high school. We went out all year and when summer came he was going off to summer camp. He got up all his nerve I guess and kissed me and told me he loved me. I didn't say anything because I couldn't say anything. I didn't hear from him much during the summer. He started dating someone else when school started. I thought later on, "Was it because I didn't tell him I loved him, too? I thought he'd know. Of course I did. I've never been able to say things like that, much less on the spur of the moment."

The Princess tells this story: “Because I was quiet and downright stoic when angry, my mother said to me in high school one time when she was angry, "I don't know how you expect to be a doctor when you can't talk to people". I was totally crushed and this statement caused me to completely forego my dream of becoming a doctor. I now know that this was ultimately for the best, but at the time those words devastated me. Later when I prepared for my PhD oral exams, I was unable to say a single word even though I had the material down cold. Because of this I did not get my PhD.

“As Introverts, " the Princess continues, "we have learned first hand that words are very important and have the power to uplift or destroy, so we chose ours with care. The written word is powerful, but spoken words have even more weight and consequences and careless words can wound deeply. We know because people have been wounding us our whole lives. The worst part is that most of those that hurt us are completely unaware of the effect they've had and blithely continue on as we're stricken mute from the dagger thrust of their words."

For more information about the way introverts communicate, CLICK HERE.

1984 movie with Lawrence Olivier

Great Lear website

WHAT NANCY'S READERS HAVE SAID:

3.27.2005 Cordelia ... was an introvert! And, of course, she's the one with the depth, integrity, and authentic
character!! (What >else< would she be?) -- RB

Here is a post by Kendra that is pertinent: One time REALLY sticks out in my mind, although there have been hundreds of others, [when I had a loss of words]. The first time my stepdad told my sister and I that he loved us, there was this huge, awkward, horrible pause. My sister is more extroverted than I am, but she's also less trusting and open about her feelings (she's an E/INFJ, while I'm an INFP), but neither of us had a clue how to respond; he's an extremely kind man, and I do love him, but I could not for the life of me get the words out of my mouth. I thought I was going to pass out, to be honest, and the pause got longer and longer, and it got harder and harder to say anything. I've never felt so useless, stupid, or mean as I did that night, and it did NOT help that my extremely extroverted mother was glaring at me the whole time, or that she dragged me aside later in the evening (just me, not my sister) to chew me out for hurting his feelings.

3.26.2006 Real introverts come out
Sometimes feeling ostacized and different can leave one feeling a little depressed. "Accept yourself for who you are" is easy to say but not always so easy to do. Thank you for your heartening words. They have given me at least a short reprieve from the burning shame associated with being who I am. You are contributing to a much neglected but needed cause. Keep up the good work.

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© nancy r. fenn