MORE RESOURCES FOR INFPs: kara dillingham's chat room
** A MUST FOR INFP's The ESTJ Bias in Organizations and How It Affects INFPs
ARTICLES on this website especially FOR INFP'S
How can I be an INFP and "hate" people?
An Open Letter to INFP's from our expert, Dave DeVaughn
INFP on the warpath
INFP series on good and evil
INFPS and Unrequited Love
Der
Sitzende by Kai-Ole J., age 11, Bochum, Germany UNICEF
INFPs, HEALER IDEALISTS, according to Keirsey (www.keirsey.com), are the gentle poets of the universe. They are especially attuned to issues of good and evil, often having been led to believe their "fantasy" world in childhood was an evil abstraction. Many HEALERS have unhappy childhoods. They represent only 1% of the population and are often misunderstood by those they incarnate with.
HEALERS are the peacemakers of the world. With their gentle sensitivty and their passion for the potential in those they love, they can appear to be like Don Quixotes, tilting at windmills. Despite their serene exteriors, HEALERS are intense and committed. You will find HEALERS working anywhere that people are healed by touch, talking, learnings and sharing.
INFPs are also called THE POET. In earlier classifications they would be members of the IDEALIST group, called APOLLONIAN and Choleric.
[This statement is not gender correct. I couldn't correct it without changing it completely, so please read it gender neutral.] "What is a poet? He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men. His poetry can bring deliverance from spiritual death, bringing his hearers to a new knowledge of their divine Creator, who gave him this special power. In this way souls that have been disordered can be healed, and the human relation with God may be restored when it has been impaired...This is the fruit and indeed the purpose of music and poetry, direct gifts from God to mankind." -- Elizabeth Henry, Orpheus and His Lute
Also see TypeLogic. Where Keirsey and TypeLogic differ in assigning famous people to categories. I have used my own intuition.
FAMOUS INFP HEALERS:
HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN
EMILY BRONTE
NEIL DIAMOND
PRINCESS DIANA
MIA FARROW
HOMER
MARY, MOTHER OF GOD
MISTER ROGERS
ALBERT SCHWEIZER
OSCAR WILDE [THANKS TO SUE LONDON]
SHAKESPEARE
YEATSRead what Nancy's INFP readers say about themselves and how they have learned to cope.
PLEASE BE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
IF YOU WANT AN ANSWER!
11.11.2008
male, age 66
Many INFP's express feeling all alone. had that feeling as well. It has come and gone through out my life. Then I look at the evidence. My leadership has been sought out repeatedly. People seek out my company. People treat me warmly where ever I go. There is strong evidence that I'm well liked and highly respected, yet on the inside I often feel that I have no one to whom I can openly express what's going on inside me.
I've always liked being unique. I know that I'm sometimes viewed as flaky and that's OK. I see the world differently than almost everyone I've ever known but my gift with words has helped me expand other peoples world and I take great delight in that.
For me it is impossible not to become personally involved with people. Not in a sexual sense but I need to know what makes people I like tick. David Keirsey's work has been a real revelation to me. Other books I would recommend are "The Introvert Advantage" by Dr. Marti Laney also "The Writers Journey" by Christopher Vogler. These books however would not have nearly as much impact on me had I not been very familiar with the Christian Bible. Years of Bible study established my confidence that regardless of my feelings that I'm both "Loved" and that "I've been intentionally designed by my God for a specific purpose."
These two things enable me understand that I have both worth and a reason for acting in a way that is consistent with this quirky personality I've been given. It also helps me understand that I have weaknesses and that is OK too because it makes me dependant on others with other gifts. Thus I help them by supplying some of their needs and they help me with those things I not able to give myself. My wife is an ESFJ she keeps me from drifting and I open up a world of fun for her. I have benifited greatly from friends who are ESTJ and ISFJ. I feel a strong connection to SJ personalities more so even than I do to other NF personalities. Of all the people who's type I know the ones I'm most attracted to are SJ's. I know several NF's (no other INFP) I know an ENFP, and two ENFJ's. I love all three of these people dearly but they don't help me grow in the same way the SJ's do.
I'm also not limited to my God given INFP personality. I can and have learned other types skills. Yes I'm a loner on the inside but actively involved with the world I live in. I feel a strong commitment to make this world a better place because I've spent however many years I given to live in it. Unlike what people might think as an INFP I'm very comfortable speaking publically. I regularly address between two and three hundred people at a time. Others might think this comfort isn't natural but I assure you that it is natural for me. I in fact get a rush from public speaking. Yet with that said I'm inherrently shy, and as I said before I feel totally alone more often than not and only the evidence others confirm with their strong welcoming love for me saves me from going deeper and deeper inside myself and becoming depressed.
6.01.2007 I learn to cope by removing myself temporarily from ppl that I love, but who drain my energy. I have also discovered pranic healing, which acknowledges our energy fields, and sometimes I ask for a healing of that, by a practitioner.
I stopped beating myself up for loving to spend time with books, or in nature, by myself, and I have close friends who understand me and don't push me to interact until I'm ready. I have overcome being shy by working in ppl-oriented fields, and I have met some wonderful people, who have helped me, and whom I have also helped.
Good connections can be made, we don't have to give up who we are. I also educate my supervisors about my type, so they don't feel left out,too. It helps to educate them about introversion and how you operate at work, esp. if your office is chaotic. But I had to leave a job that was TOO chaotic bec. it was just draining me.
My introverted self needs to sleep, eat right and exercise, and use a planner. I also benefit from regular journaling, reading scripture, or Marianne Wmsn, and taking my time and not rushing around. It helps to have one or two ppl in yr life who understand introversion and affirm you for it. Don't ever beat yrself up. You are special. And so am I. I'm glad we have this site.
I identify with Mister Rogers bec. he's quiet, kind, gentle and expects ppl to listen, he seems to understand ppl and some of the universal feelings everyone has, he thinks before he speaks, and he is s l o w.......and methodical. I find him very soothing to watch. He is good for adults' inner child. When you are sick in bed, watch Mister Rogers and you will feel comforted.
~ BJ, age 51, email
Our Poster Boy, Edward5.18.2007 Well, like I said, it’s like being Edward Scissorhands. The inability to communicate and have the world be afraid of you. You want to reach out and touch them, but you sense that you probably would harm them. I always feel lost in a sea of magical ideas, concepts, and visions of the world. I feel broken down all the time with no one to relate or understand.
I am a reoccurent visitor of the astral planes, which is a blessing, because in those worlds, we communicate w/o words and there is no judgement for feeling. It’s as though a universal language is spoken and always understood. But, I always feel even more lonely upon return to this earthy plane which I feel I am not of.
Life isn’t bad, I make do getting by working for an non-profit organization. But this particular non-profit continues to become more of a corporation every day. I feel I’ve cheated my soul already by participating and I’m only 26. I try to hold onto the idea that one day I will have the means to put myself in an environment that nurtures my innate sensitivity and creativity. I also own a small business as an energy healer (go figure). But I’m lacking in confidence so I seem to actually deter clients from coming to me.
Right now, I feel depressed. But I’m glad I had the opportunity to recently discover my INFPism. It has brought me back to who I am. I’ve spent the last two years hiding like a cancer under my own skin, hoping the skin will thicken and I won’t have to interact on a personal level and be rejected and misunderstood ever again. I’ve re-gained my confidence to understand that this is my gift to the world. So, thank you INFP’s for that gift.
Jennifer, a ge 26, jenncole12@yahoo.com, website www.innerologies.com
5.17.2007 hey i just stumbled onto this site.
It’ s weird but the advice that BLITHESPIRIT gave was just what I needed. Don’t we INFPs feel so alone in this stupid world sometimes?
Intense, really emotional, hates violence and war,great at advising others but not oneself, hates superficial people, hates socialising out of necessity,...these are all the traits I have, and I’m sure you guys all feel the same way!
Instead of feeling so alone, how about forming a friendship group?
No matter which country we reside in or how old we are, at least we’d always have a friend to confide in, because a fellow INFP is sure to understand because we all feel the same way, right?
It’s just an idea but do email me at sessho@sesshoumaru.zzn.com and perhaps we could come up with something.
It’s such a shame for such rare gems like INFPs to be suffering alo
Vivienne, age 21, sessho@sesshoumaru.zzn.com
5.14.2007 As an INFP, through my life I have been highly attuned to what others want. When the wall of “shoulds” builds in my mind, I have a choice of how to handle it. I’ve tried to forget it with distractions (healthy and otherwise), leave it (divorce, resignation), or to change it. All of these have their time and place for me (can go on simultaneously), but I recognize that option of changing things, redefining relationships around what I want -- in spite of how that seems contrary to my nature -- has the biggest payoff... ultimately leading to a life that seems generally happy and sustainable... until the next crisis. I hope things keep getting easier.
Jay, age 44, email
Something else I have learned recently: I become depressed when I do not share my healing energy. It needs to be given away. So next month I will participate in a Shamanic Energy Healing Training. I felt it is right for me. Yes, I learned it is very important to trust my intuition. It is a matter of life and deth. :) And really I can not lead this kind of “normal” life. I know much of human potencial is not used yet and I want to unerstand how it can happen. And yes, maybe for those rationals I am irrational being (woman!) but for me it is very practical. The existence of the planet depends on that - to find out how people to stop being afraid so much, because “thinking” has power to CALL into being/existence the thoughts. And I start with myself. Exploring what is in me - emotions, mind, spirit, body. I go to therapy, also do meditations, meet people who know I am not crazy:) and nourish me. And I can continue forever... Because writing is another way to put myself together... Wish you well and thanks for the website.
Sasha from Bulgaria, age 26, email
4.1.2007 I see that nobody has added anything to this post-box for a while so possibly this is now a ghost thread... But I still wanted to add something here. It’s late. It’s far too late at night, but I have been sitting and reading all of these INFP posts and moving gradually from the state of vague greyness, bordering on depression, which drew me to this site to a feeling of calm and peace.
I honestly don’t mind being an INFP, and the knowledge that I am one has made me very happy in my identity, but the thing that bothers me most about being an INFP is how emotionally vulnerable we are. Does anybody else feel this?
believe that because INFPs are people pleasers (for good and bad reasons) we often sacrifice too much of ourselves for others trying to heal them, and then end up burnt and racked with guilt for having to let go to save the last shreds of self they couldn’t understand. Am I making sense? (you’re right, I’m thinking of a particular friendship/relationship I had lately which didn’t work out and which - for me - highlighted all the relational problems to which the INFP personality is liable!). We dwell on things. We feel guilty and anxious about situations we can’t control. We get upset when others trivialise something we care about. It takes us YEARS to get over messy relationships. We are horribly prone to depression.
But on the other hand, our strengths are phenomenal too. If we believe enough in ourselves, we can extraordinarily creative. Our idealising imaginations, when allowed humanitarian or artistic scope, can effect tremendous things. And although we may find it difficult to be happy, our sensitivity to goodness, kindness, ‘light’ (both visually and metaphorically) and all that is delicate and beautiful in this world can make us - even if it is only for an instant - the happiest people on the planet. I wouldn’t swap that vulnerability for anything else!
But if we are the natural ‘healers’ in the personality-pool, how can we help heal ourselves? How can we be aware of our weaknesses and turn them into something positive (or at least mitigate the cripplingly negative counterpoints that the INFP weaknesses can be).
I don’t have any fix-it-all solution, and the advice given by others here was, I thought, very wise. But having thought about this question a lot in response to reading all of YOUR thoughts, I had some ideas myself which I would like to record incase they are of use to anyone who struggles with making the most of their INFP identity.
1) Trust your intuitions about people - they are normally right.
2) Regard being you as another of your INFP-style ‘unviolatable principles’ - pretend that you are one of the people you most wish to cherish and protect, and cherish and protect yourself accordingly. Give yourself rest and relaxation when you need it. Don’t beat yourself up about not getting it right all the time.
3) Try not to obsess about the little things in relationships. Sounds funny, but I do think that in our closest relationships INFPS often experience tremendous frustration and resentment when others let us down. We have a lot of trouble forgiving in these circumstances. An insight from Henri Nouwen, a Christian writer, struck me recently: we have to forgive others for not being God. That means, not projecting our fantasies onto friends, partners, family members who will never be perfect or be able to take the pain away. Once we accept others’ limitations it becomes easier to receive all the love and goodness they do have to offer, and easier for us too to be able to give it.
4) Seek out environments, and people, which nurture your gifts. It is VERY important for the INFP personality to be supported and nurtured in their vocation. It takes a very strong INFP to rise above the temptations to depression and self-criticism without any support. I wonder how many great INFP talents have been lost to the world because they buried them beneath our own fears and dependencies (including, perhaps, the fear of succeeding). Don’t let this happen to you!
5) Relating back to the point about emotional vulnerability... Be kind to yourself and remember that love comes in many different shapes and guises. The end of a relationship - any relationship - is really not the end of the world, and all things can be transformed and resurrected with faith and hope. Nothing good is ever lost.
6) Whatever ‘evils’ of depression, doubt, anguish or isolation, you fight against, your power or imagination and regeneration is still greater than all of that. I was reading Coleridge’s biography recently (I think he was probably also an INFP) and felt moved that he accomplished so much with so much against him - a relentless opium addiction, a miserable family-life, and - worst of all to him - a forced separation from the love of his life. Whatever situation you are in, you have no idea of the power in you to create, to be, to effect, something of lasting value in this world.
Have the courage to be yourselves!
(I realised I just talked myself round, also - one convert to these sentiments already!)
Thanks to everyone for your comments. Lots of kindly lights!
Of the infp’s mentioned on the site, I identify with Shakespeare (that is, I’d love to write like Shakespeare, he sees everything so compassionately and clearly and no-one else can get you high on words so quickly!) but I also identify with St John in the gospels (not on this list, but a likely INFP - at least he writes as if he might be one) The fact that he stood by Jesus at the Cross, and stayed to look after Mary, always moved me. I would like to be like him.
Blithespirit, age 27
Many people are expressing an isolation that was explained to some degree by the MBTI. Please be aware that a very high percentage of gifted people are INFPs. Giftedness - a condition beyond simple intelligence - adds another layer of uniqueness that may be responsible for one's feeling separate or disconnected. Gifted people view the world very differently. For example, they tend to have a finely tuned sense of right and wrong that results in a frequent state of moral indignation. Most often, this indignation is deemed by others to be an extreme response. As a result, the gifted person frequently does find him or herself alone in the quest to "tilt at windmills."
A wonderful resource for gifted people - both children and adults - is SenGifted
Anonymous, age 41
9.12.06 It makes me sad to read the posts on this site. I am an INFP, and I think it’s a wonderful thing to be! Who else has the opportunity to see thee magic in the wold like we do? We have a gift of understanding people and what’s going on around us. Yeah, it’s tough when you feel alone and different, but if you can surround yourself with people who are accepting of differences, it is fantastic!I am nurse, whoch in some ways is wonderful, adn in others it’s not a great fit. It gives me a great opportunity to touch peoples lives, and provide for their emotional needs, which myself and my patients crave. However, it’s extremely regimented, and routine, with little room for flexibility, which for my flighty personality can be quite difficult. The great thing about working as a nurse is my co-workers. They all have that F component that we crave in our relationships, and through my job, I have developed the best friendships of my life.
I was lucky enough to grow up in a house with a mom who is also an INFP, who taught us to see the beauty and magic in the world, and the positive in every situation. (Unfortuantely, she wasn’t able to teach me to be organized!) My dad was a wonderfully sensitive ISFJ, and funny enough, it turns out so is my husband. This has been a fantastic match, because he is sensitive enough to listen to and nurture my feelings, and give me the time and space I need, but he keeps me grounded....the metaphore that I think of is someone holding onto a helium baloon-I’m great fun and whimsical, but if he lets go, I just drift off to where noone would notice or appreciate who I am. He makes me feel so safe, and when I ask those questions (How on earth did you think of that??)He thinks it’s an amazing indication of my intelligence.
It is possible to be happy (if not confident) as an INFP, as long as you can find positive, gentle people to share your life with! Live in the beauty and magic!
~Megan, age 28, email
9.02.2006 I enjoyed reading these posts. As most of you, I had a somewhat difficult time growing up. My dad (in his 30’s) was still rebelling against his father throughout my childhood, so I had to be the adult. This caused a contradiction in my mind because I wanted to be a kid but never felt like *most kids. Anyway my dad is worried that I’m gay (which I like to have fun with), but it must have been all those times he called me a pussy growing up that created my affinity towards women. (joking) My mom has always been there for me, encouraging creativity, reading, knowing who you are. Without her I would be in denial about who I am today.
The mask during high school was always on, I was the quiet class clown with many aquantences but no friends. During this time I let people walk on me because I saw no other option. Once I learned to stand up for myself (in a kind way, sometimes) I could see the shock on peoples faces realizing that I was a human and not a verbal punching bag.
I’m not that old but I’ve been through my share of depression (or breakdown) throughout the past five years but I discovered so much about who I am and what I need out of life that I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
If it were not for the lonliness and isolation I would be going to college for computer science (which I hated) because it was what society expected from me (no offense meant to anyone who enjoys this field).
I’m going to school and i’ve met a couple of great people along the way with whom I can have conversations with. It’s interesting to realize that those few people make me feel more satisfied than having a thousand aquantences for nothing more than self bragging rights.
Anyways I’m still on my way to wherever it is i’m going. But after realizing that it’s about making yourself happy in the present rather than holding out for future ideals, life becomes (in my opinion) a little more satisfying and manageable. Sure there are still feelings of depression and isolation that come back from being what, one percent, of all personality types. It’s still hard not to have compassion for even complete assholes, but I’ve learned to hold off on my instincts and in turn it’s made my personal and social life (or lack thereof) a bit more gratifying.
Sorry for all the I’s and Me’s but it’s late and this isn’t getting graded so onward.
~Robert, age 22, email
8.26.2006
Hello Fellow INFPs!
I’ve spent a good few years trying to discover what is wrong with me. I’ve recently discovered I am an INFP. I assume that is what’s wrong with me, or should I say, different about me?
When I look back at the relationships I’ve had in my life, from school friends, family, partners and girlfriends, they have often gone horribly wrong if they became lengthy enough for me to reveal myself. I have realised people either run a mile from me once they get to know me, or they see that I am just a complex, caring, passionate person and become devoted to me. Unfortunately, most people run a mile.
I have found though that once I’ve openned up with someone and revealed all, and maybe been angry and upset, if they hang around and make up with me, I tend to be forever calmer with them. I am so relieved they have not left me that I relax.
My biggest problem is trying to not reveal myself. Generally, people are able to hold back and keep people at arms length, but I always struggle with this. I like to open up and be me, but it takes an inteligent and serious person to understand me.
I always seem to do far more for other people than people do for me. I always seem to recognise charitable causes, even if it’s just friends in need of help, and love doing things for people. What upsets me a lot is that it seems very few people do things for others just because it’s nice to be nice. It upsets me because people don’t see me as genuinely charitable; it isn’t in their nature therefore they don’t believe it exists in others. When I am in need, I almost always feel self pity as rarely does someone come to my rescue. ‘I do so much for others but where are the people who care about me now?’
I recently left the mainstream way of life and emigrated to a more natural environment where I am able to work for myself and be creative. That has been a very positive move. An INFP in an office is not a happy person; too many people to please, too many potential critisims, not enough freedom for creativity and too much emphasis on indirect profiteering. Soul distroying stuff.
One other aspect of my INFPness which causes a lot of problems is my ability to see when others are being treated badly. I can’t help myself but to be a crusader and sort it out. I’ve got to realise that some people are happy, though msitreated, in their situation, or should I say content and accepting? The saying ‘If something’s not wrong, don’t try and fix it’ should read ‘If something’s not wrong, don’t try and fix it and if it is wrong, don’t assume people want it fixing’.
I suffer from social anxiety (I think this is common amongst INFPs which is a real eye openner), particularly when I feel people are looking at me, or when I have to eat and drink in front of others. I can sometimes stutter and stammer and want the earth to eat me up. I feel so awkward sometimes it makes me feel like a complete alien; everyone else seems so cool, calm and collected. I’ve found telling trusted friends and family members you have social anxiety makes a big difference as you lolonger feel you are alone in your misery. It made the load a lot lighter and made it less terrifyingly weird; my father revealed he used to avoid lifting a cup up in front of others and my sister revealed she can’t eat alone in a cafe or restaurant! Wow, what a difference that made!
Assuming the worst is also a big problem for me, as is spiraling into a pit of self hatred and belief that no-one has ever really loved me. At times I can become paranoid and believe everyone hates me, even if it’s just because no-one’s contacted me in a week. I realise now, after reading the INFP profile, that I internalise things too readily and take things too personally, when, in fact, people have their own agenda which probably has nothing to do with me. I tend to breath a sigh of relief when, finally, a ‘long lost friend’ contacts me out of the blue. ‘Thank goodness they still want to know me’.
My main worry about my future is whether or not I will ever have a good circle of friends who REALLY know me, and whether or not I have a cat in hell’s chance of finding my soul mate who will be better off with me and who I will want and love forever and not feel irritated by their imperfections.
Will I ever find someone who will make me be a good INFP rather than a bad INFP?
~ Imperfect INFP Me, age 35, email
8.15.2006 I have been shy my entire life. I thought that there was something wrong with me because of that. I thought that I had some sort of social disorder. So I tried very, very hard to be extroverted (like most of my friends). And every time I pretended to be the social butterfly, I would crash afterwards. I would then isolate myself for days until I recharged. I also have an incredibly vivid and rich imagination. I am in every movie, every story, every song. Yet I have a hard time retaining the factual parts of the stories. I only remember what I felt. Since finding out my type and reading other INFP posts... my entire outlook has changed. I am embracing my unique and beautiful self. I don't feel so alone anymore. I feel blessed.
~Angela McDonald, email
8.14.2006 To me, being an infp is like watching yourself and others star in your own film. You can hear plenty of internal monologue and do not doubt the sincerity of your characters/ barring yourself. With yourself, you seem to always be questioning if your character is true or false. I can still remember being nine years old and wondering if "I really meant it" when I asked Jesus into my heart. I believed with all my dreams and nightmares that there was a God and that Christianity was true, but I was always questioning whether I could trust my motives. Funnily enough though, I could see the good in everyone else.....
Regarding coping...
I have taken the test a few times and have scored a borderline I with extremely strong NFP. I will be starting my second year of English teaching and have found that my personal strengths in the area lie with my ability to sense whether my students get it and how they can understand the material that I present. Unfortunately, because I do vibe so deeply..if things don't word..I can find myself taking their lack of response personally.
One way I have coped with this is through understanding that my identity and self esteem do not rely on other people...not that others don't matter, but that my identity with God matters more. Although I am introverted and really only have a few close friends, my faith really makes me believe like I am never truly alone.
~Megan, age 27, email
8.13.2006 To be an infp... Hmm... Being an infp is a bit like being invisible. Nobody ses you, because all they sense is a lack of sense. Nobody feels with you, for which thinker sits and feels? Nobody judges you, for who judges who doesn't judge? So, Mr. or Mrs. nobody, how do you make yourself known? You speak out. You reach out and make an effort. Then, what do you find? Distance. Transparency. All of the things that keep people from you, repeated again and again.
An expert in relationships, with nobody to relate to.
Deep feels like home to you, but another planet to others. With any luck, you realize that this is why you have to help these people. Let them take care of the post offices, the restaurants, the banks, the big businesses, the laundromat and all of the concrete needs. See what they don't see, and offer it to them in a setting made just for you. A private room or a book, with the relationship clearly defined.
You have listened, and now it is time to speak.
Relate like no one else relates.
God bless the INFP's.~CJ, age 23, email
8.10.2006
I did not know I was an INFP until recently. I had taken Myers-Brigg tests before but lied to make myself into what I wanted to be, just like so many others here. I guess I’m a perfect INFP. Bad childhood (sexually abused by a neighbor), lots of bullying during my preteen years. I used to cry at seeing poverty and sick children on television. I spent much of my childhood reading books on my own. My father thought it was unhealthy for me to be too anti-social and enrolled me in acting classes as a way to make me more outspoken. All it did really was help me put on a “mask” to the world so I would be hurt so easily emotionally. I had an early midlife crisis around the age 19. Like most here I kept I journal since the age of 7. I have since given it up as cousins and nasty older brothers once found it and publicly humiliated me by reading my deepest thoughts outloud in front of my relatives. I was always a “perfectionist” at school getting top grades. I wanted to be a writer as a child but my father quickly crushed that dream-he’d rather I become a lawyer or doctor. My mother always criticized me for being a “dreamer”.
I am lucky to have found a soulmate who understands my need for privacy and independence. I used to suffer from depression (still do, sometimes) but have found strength in God and love for my family. Currently I’m attending college, studying economics (I have always been great with numbers) which I like because it has such a great impact on our world. I’m also minoring in film, which is my way (I hope) of someday releasing my creative story-telling side. Other than that, I hope to someday own a bookstore or travel agency and write screenplays in my spare time. I am glad to have found so many others like me here. I don’t know if the poet named Max Ehrmann was an INFP, but his poem “Desiderata” is my favorite. To everyone here I give these lines:
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
~Isabel, age 25, email
Multiple postings from January to July 2006
First of all, I think it's too bad that even the terminology of the website (and many of the posts), treat INFP as a disease to “cope” with. I can understand the temptation, since I am an INFP and have felt the alienation, the depression, and the exclusion that comes along with it. But we're no more diseased than the other types. And I'd rather be an INFP who thinks meaningfully about life (even if it gets us into trouble sometimes) than someone who is only concerned with concrete reality.
Basically, I really relate to the problem of being able to relate to everyone, but no one relating to you.
I have felt so misunderstood since as far back as I can remember. I'm also constantly plagued by the fear that those who think they understand me really only know a very small portion of who I actually am, and might not like the rest of me, were I to reveal more. These are things that don't seem to bother others, and it's hard when no one understands how important some of your thoughts/feelings are to you. THAT is what makes up our worlds, not the trees and buildings that show themselves externally. I also really relate to not being able to find contentment, depsite doing everything “right” (I'm in the humanities, I take plenty of time for myself, etc.). I read somewhere that people refer to INFP as I Never Find Perfection...that really hit home.
Finally, I really relate to the alone time. In college, when I would come back to the room and there would be people all around, I would have this incredible anxiety...my roommate started to notice this after a while, and tried to give me a little space. But sometimes I would just go into the bathroom and sit on the floor, just to gain some space for myself after a long day. Now at least I know this wasn't THAT crazy.
Sari, age 23
I stumbled across your site and like other people posting, I was struck by the similarity between myself and other INFPs. I hate pain and evil and sadness and negativity and cruelty and conflict and depression and faithlessness and distance and detachment and the list could go on and on. I want to rid the world of everything that hurts people and when I see suffering and I can’t do anything about it I get very angry. I’m sure it comes from the fact that my grandmother is a Holocaust survivor, coupled with a very needy and demanding mother who never gave me the love I needed but always expected the love to come from me. So I’ve come to expect that people are unable to give me what I need, while I give them as much as I can, and the result is people falling deeply in love with me (why wouldn’t you fall in love with someone who devoted themselves to you) while they are not capable of giving me what I need. I’m optimistic that someone out will be able to do that, but I have yet to find him. My most often plea -- to myself, in bed, alone, at night -- is for someone who will “understand me” and tell me everything will be ok and show me I’m not alone in the world. It seems like such a small thing to ask in a way -- but it’s so hard to find.
Anyway I am very grateful for this site, to show me that I’m, well, not insane. I think being an INFP is an amazing gift and I’m going to try to embrace it from now on, rather than run from it.
~ josh, age 27, hapkappy@aol.com
I learned that I was an INFP (i lean towards the T quite a bit of the time) a few months ago and has helped me cope with stress in a much more successful way, I think. I now look at the way i act and interact as a personality type, instead of a personality disorder and am able to be more forgiving of my choices, including my poorer ones instead of dwelling on things that cannot be changed. The INFP personality type has become a validation that I retreat to whenever I feel defective. I can reread the profile description and that alone does a lot to dilute my feelings of isolation. However, I do lack the religousness that is supposed to be a trademark of INFPs. If anything, I am religiously atheistic and, i suppose, i have found strength in that. I am happy that I have learned about these personality types at this juncture in my life, as it allowed me to feel more confident and, therefore, more focused in my writing (if only because it is a recommended career). This very unfamiliar feeling of certainty in turn has helped me from being as self-destructive as i am otherwise prone to being. I think that the INFP feeling of being defective or 'wounded to the core' is something that i am learning to accept and work against rather than allowing it to control me.
vim, age 23, flyingchameleon@hotmail.com
P.S. I probably identify most strongly with Oscar Wilde, as he seems to have the same fixation on living a beautiful life, if nothing else and has the same (if much more eloquent) capacity to hide any depth of feeling behind witticisms and jokes.
12.01.2005 Honestly I can't find words that describe what it feels like to be me. So what is it like to be a INFP? Hmmm.. its really unfortunate that I can't get "simple" things done because I hold a perfectionist mentality. I continue to analyze over and over again the most basic form of data. Fortunately I have a good network of friends that understand and urge me not to be so serious. It's also great that there are outlets for our personality types that can share comments. I spent so many years wishing I was a certain way, even adapting to extroverted characteristics. I was never happy. I always felt like I cheated myself. Coming to the realization that we are all different and we are human, is starting to make things easier.
-- Cam, age 25, email
11.16.2005 I'm not sure I have learned to cope with being an INFP. It has certainly helped me understand why I always felt like I was from another planet. Any book or movie about an alien coming to Earth always captured my imagination. What's more is that I always identified very strongly with the alien. I did so so strongly that it alarmed me.
Like the other people who posted, I'm relieved to know I'm not alone and why it is I see the world the way I do. Still, it has been tough. I feel like a fish out of water in most settings. It doesn't help to have someone say,"You're so smart and intense that I have no idea what you're talking about." That'll make you feel alone.
I've never dated much; I have typically had very intense relationships with women, or at least wanted very intense relationships. I scared a few off and felt unfulfilled by a few others.
And while I have fairly broad musical tastes, I have a distinct preference for musicians who I recently surmised are likely INFPs. Reading interviews and lyrics I suspect that Peter Gabriel, Kate Bush, Sarah McLachlan, Shawn Colvin, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Paula Cole and David Sylvian are all INFPs. The sheer diversity of styles tells me that I'm responding to something at a very deep level.
Looking back on my time in graduate school (I have an MFA in creative writing from UMASS Amherst) I can see that many of my classmates were also INFPs, and yet, I often felt alone among them.
My optimism remains intact, but as I enter romantic relationships, I find it difficult to connect with anyone who isn't an NF. I feel like I really need an ally when I get home. Conflict at home is tough for me to deal with; there, more than anywhere else is when I want to feel understood.I identify with Schweitzer and Shakespeare. I want everyone to be self-fulfilled and happy and I want to write about it; I am a writer. My graduate work was in poetry.
-- Patrick, age 41, emai
12/06/2005 Gosh, reading what everyone has written has been really great. I recently found I was an INFP. For a while I really wanted to be extroverted and thought it was wierd to be introverted. I always felt so odd, since I was so quiet and shy. People commented my on how quiet I was and it drove me nuts, because I wasn't quiet inside. I'd get my feelings hurt easily and cry, though I tried so hard not to.
Then I found out I could pretend to not be shy in high school and was in plays and danced. Most people thought I was bubbly and outgoing, but I felt no one in my entire school knew me. And after I'd laugh and hang out with everyone, I'd sometimes go home and cry.
I did always feel different and like I had to pretend to be less intense. I don't want to scare people, so I'll pretend to smile or look content, even if I'm not feeling that way. I usually don't say everything on my mind unless I'm very close with someone, becaue they might think I'm strange. Even my normal comments often get the reaction of "I'd never thought of that..hmmm"
I've also done that thing of "fighting" for things. I remember arguing with teachers all through high school and college if they did something that was unfair to everyone or wasn't an objective way to grade. And though I was quiet, I'd almost try to get them to explain themselves in front of the whole class.And at gradauation, when the kids were throwing beach balls all during the ceremony, and I saw a nerdy girl get her cap knocked off after getting a doctorate and looked like she might cry, I grabbed the beach ball when I had a chance and held onto it, even though the colleges of construction and engineering were yelling at me and even came over to try to steal it back. I felt I had to. And then some guy grabbed the other ball and kept it too, and said he had my back and I was so happy. I just have to stand up for stuff, even if everyone is glaring at me, which is hard.
So often I feel really lonely since most people seem so superficial and unconcerned about others. I blamed myself for so long and thought something was really wrong with me. That it must be my fault I didn't have hundreds of super close friends. But now I know it's just harder to find people I can really connect with, being this type. I've found that I can be close friends with people, but not completely be my entire self, since it scares them. And that's better than nothing.
I'm also a writer, marketing stuff, and that was interesting to see writing is a common for this type. Anyway, I'm just so happy to see other people who have had a hard time with this, but are trying to be happier people. :) Thanks,
-- Julia, 24
12.05.2005 Yeah, so anyway, as an INFP college has been an interesting experience. I have confused successive roomates and suitemates by the fact that I'm this lively chatty person in my dorm room, and almost entirely silent outside of it. Sometimes I feel like I can't really count anyone as my friend. Of course, I realize that this is just my natural tendency, but I feel out of it a lot of the time.
As a music therapy major, I get an opportunity to heal in a very nonverbal way that fits me perfectly. I actually get goosebumps just thinking about the fact that I will eventually get paid to do something I love. There's something about music that helps me realize who I am. I love it when a song comes on that matches exactly how I feel, especially when I'm feeling emotionally walked all over. It's really nice to understand why I feel the way I do and that others feel the same way.
As a huge fan of British Lit. Emily Bronte really rings a bell. I'm not so sure about Mary, Mother of God (somehow I just don't think that she took the Myers-Briggs).
-- Karli, age 19, decoygal@yahoo.com
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11.2.2005 Why didn't you post what I submitted? I wanted to be an example of an INFP that doesn't pity himself so much. I don't believe being an INFP automatically means you're severly defective and that was part of my message.
If there was something in my post that was inappropriate or just plain wrong, I would like to know. I don't normally assume that no feedback is negative feedback but in this case I think it is, and I would like to know.
-- Ardi, age 23, email
10.26.2005 I read a website that said "INFP's see the world through rose colored glasses" and "never seem to lose their sense of wonder." That's so apparent to me when I look at the collection of everyone's comments. These comments remind me of that movie Closer with Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman. There's a scene where Natalie Portman's character is talking about this photo of herself, and she's crying in that photo. And she said that it's pictures of sad people taken to look beautiful. This is what the INFP's writing style seems to be. The things I read here are sad, but the words are so poetic that being unhappy seems like a richer better way to live. This must be the left-overs from coping with our unhappy childhoods.
My story is this: I was a fat little girl. While I was fat, I was dealing with this by doing well in school, extracurricular activities, being super nice, and I wrote in my journal and wrote lots of letters (still do). The writing is a good time for me to think about what interesting things happened that day and what I can do to make tomorrow better. I bet a lot of INFPs keep journals.
I assumed that I didn't fit in with my peers because I needed to drop a few pounds (most of it, but there's more). In high school, I did, along with getting rid of my acne, teeth fixed, and my mom taking me to see some counselor because I wanted Prozac. This counselor told me to ask people questions and act interested in what they have to say. I did that, and I was popular all of a sudden. This was better than being the fat kid, but I still didn't feel like I'd bridged the gap between me and everyone else. I had these friends that I would say stuff to, like, "how was the dance?" They'd say it was "good." And I'd try to talk about my experience, and they'd interrupt me to talk about theirs. I NEVER got to talk about what I wanted to. I tried to keep up with them as I went into college because I wanted that ideal friendship that lasts forever. I gave up on them when I really looked at things for what they were. Most of them wanted me to fulfill all their needs but didn't want to do ANYTHING for me. I thought people might change. They didn't. What I learned from that was this; sometimes, just to get through things, you pretend that things are the way they should be. But don't miss out on a better opportunity by wasting time with roaches, leaches, and rats.
College was a problem and still is sometimes (grad school). I often feel like people who've known me for 3 minutes have already decided that I am socially inept, every piece of crap that comes out of their poop-shoot is terrific, they are better than me, and I should treat them that way. In grad school, have the people I went to undergrad with went other places and they've been replaced by stupider people. So, I wasted all that time showing those other girlies how it was and now, I have a whole new set to break in. The most annoying type of college girl is the type who laughs at all her own jokes and when you speak, she looks so bored. Some of them just really aren't worth bothering with. I just have a better feeling when I pretend they aren't there. I like half of the graduate students in my program, so I try to stay away from all the crappy waste-my-time people. What makes me feel better is I found out that the nasty self-absorbed people are really the inferior ones, not me. A couple of them have made "C's" and are on the verge of getting kicked out of graduate school. Then, there are some students who go into the hospitals (work at a new hospital every 4 weeks) and the coworkers don't like them all that much, because people don't like to be treated as inferior. The nice thing for me is that during my hospital rotations, I found that I like most of the people that I work with at the hospital and they like me. I feel really good about that. Sometimes, it's just a change of surroundings and people that will fix the problem instead of trying to fix yourself.
So, in summary, instead of trying me to adjusting to the people around me, I find new people. I try not to waste time waiting for people to get better. Once people get to a certain age, that is who they are the rest of their life. The best use of your time is to help people who want to change or who appreciate you.
-- CS, age 24
10.06.2005 Up until very recently I had no idea I was an InFp. For me being an I(78) N (38) F(68) P (38) has been a frustrating exhistence. How one deals with it is entirely up to themselves but for me it was a matter of turning myself off and putting up the shallow facade that I see amongst alot of my Extroverted acquaintences.
-- Craig, age 28, email
9.21.2005 I just discovered that I am an INFP and that it is only like 1% of the population. I took about three tests just to be sure. One thing which really confuses me is that of my love of mathematics, science, computers and things of logic. The descriptions of INFP seems to imply that of someone who's not too obsessed with logic and such. I will be grateful to anyone who can explain it to me. Could it be that I'm shaped into an INFP or what?
Indeed I can't bear to kill anything. I look out for ants and avoid stepping on them to the extreme, and I opted not to do biology when I was more than qualified as I couldn't bear the enormity of dissection. I believe everywhere where students are streamed into different classes in high school, biology, chemistry and physics are taken by the people who are 'smartest' as it offers the best path to be doctors or life-science researchers, who will get to make lot of money. In fact, I was so afraid to pick up ants as I feared that should I exert too much strength, I might crush them. As such, my behavior renders me(a guy) wimpish to others.
When I was still in primary school, I was forced by my mother to sleep early every night. I would usually think myself to sleep; thinking about life and death, the fate of the Terrapene which my mum forced my sis and I to release to the canal, and cry myself (silently, but with tears) to sleep many a night.
I have very little friends and even among those little friends which I have, none of them are bosom friends. I hope to have one or two bosom friends in my life. I feel that I am a failure when it comes to relationships.
Being a perfectionist, I burnout often and tend to procrastinate and justify my actions. For example, I borrowed a book on preventing procrastination in order to procrastinate the packing of my room, delayed my self-learning of programming by surfing sites like this and read geek stuff etc....all because when I want to do something, I want to do it in the best possible way. Over the past 1.5 years in the army (drafted, I cant imagine killing another person), I realised that sometimes, we cannot always want to do things in the best way as it might prevent us from doing it in the first place, and it could have severe consequences.
I really hope that I, and all fellow INFPs can make a good difference to the world.
Do drop me a mail if you have comments or good advise.-- CK, age 20, email
9.20.2005 I identify with Homer -- his explanation of truth.
I have spent the last 12 or more years traveling the oceans in the Merchant Marines. I started up through the ranks and made it Officer in charge of sea going vessels on my own merit. For the last year or more know I have been on shore by chioce trying to switch my gears and become more of the whisper inside of me. The adjust period has been hard and confusing for myself and friends. I found out shortly ago that I was INFP type personality. I see more clearly that I'm cued differently. I cope with time to myself and Ideas more readily know without guilt.
I see that this life I live has more possiblity when I follow my plan with understanding of my personality type. This has also allowed me to see leaving the work at sea has good reason. The works I read are those that deal esoteric truth and myth. Joesph Campbell and Vernon Howard help me alot. I feel that a balance in life is good especially if you lean toward INFP thought.
-- Ben Johnson, age 38, email
9.11.2005 I've read many of the comments on this site, and it's amazing to see how many people are lik me. I've always been the outcast- the smart, quiet, loner type. I'm not surprised that I've always felt so alone, seeing as how only 1-2% of the population is INFP like I am.
I took an online test yesterday, and when I saw those results, it was like the person knew who I really was. Since then, all I've done is start rading more and more about introverts, particularly Healers. And the more I read, the more I feel I understand myself. Everything just seemed to fit me perfectly.
I had a bad childhood; I was surrounded by drugs and alcohol, it wasn't uncommon for the police or and ambulance o be at my house at least once a month, I almost lost my mother several times in just a few years. I started seeing a conselor, and in an attempt to maybe get her to understand better, I looked up pesonality disorders. I thought "Well, I must have that one. There's no other reson why I am so different." Now I realize that I'm just... special.
I value rarity, and being only part of 1-2% of the population makes me happy. I feel like I'm truly special. And despite the many times I have wished that I could be like everyone else, I wouldn't trade this for the world.
One of my problems is that when I get into an arguement for instance, I can always understand the other person's point of view. Yet they rarely understand mine. Thi is especially bad when I get caught between two friends. I understand what each of them feels, and comfort both, but in the end it's hard, because I try to explain how the other feels.
I'm just happy to finally see that there isn't anything wrong with me; that I'm just a rare and beautiful member of our world. ^^
8.27.2005 Hello,
I am really in need of someone I can relate with, my email is lmdelisi at yahoo dot com so please write especially if you are older, I am middle aged.I only recently found out that I am INFP, because of a former boyfriend who was also INFP. He was the first person I ever met on the planet who I could relate to and the one who had be take the myers briggs test. I was surprised and actually I tested INFJ at first but now INFP he said he switched from those two as well at different times of his life.
Anyway, we split up and there is this huge void now because I finally did have someone to share with that didn't get freaked out by me - I always felt I could only give people about 20% what I thought or felt and they would say tmi (too much information) I always felt too intense for everyone until I met a fellow INFP, so now I think that it would do me good to develop some friendships and I especially would like a male friend INFP, I am a female - to get a man's perspective on this rich, multifaceted personal life that I lead that knows no bounds and fits no categories.
I am also a born again Christian and have a rich faith life - anyone out there that can relate to this please write.
The best to all of you - you are special treasures!
Love to all, Linda
8.15.2005 Well, im a consistant INFP, although im a weak N, which i suppose is useful when I need to actually think about something I dont care about. :)
I have a problem I need help on, and if anyone has the answer please let me know. My problem is the 'harmony' aspect of the typical INFP type. I do enjoy harmony, 'no drama' is my motto. However I have a problem becoming indifferent if someone challenges my beliefs.
By this i mean, If im at a party and I hear someone talking about stem cell research from across the room, Ill go over there and tell them exactly how I feel about it, get emotional, mostly likely start crying because thats what I do, and then give up.This doesnt exactly resonate with the profile. I fit in all other ways, I spend hours thinking about people and trying to help them. (In most cases, bad boyfriends whom I thought I could help).
I guess Im asking how to calm myself so these values arent always so close under the skin. Im in Law school, and plan to work for clients who cant represent themselves. But if I cant even debate at a party with someone I dont even know without breaking into an emotional wreck, how can I fight a case I feel very passionately about for someone who desperately needs my help?
-- Andrea, age 22
8.13.2005 I identify with Princess Diana, not in her beauty and grace, but in her mission to raise her children amid the universe of her husband's family, the Royal family.
My life of struggle has given me many opportunities to use my intuition, (seeing the deeper issues), as a survival skill. I can network my ideas around a moral or ethical goal and find ways to follow the right path for me. I have lived through many emotional difficulties but most prominent is my husband's psychosis and depression while raising two babies. I have had to defend my limits with my in-laws because I could not allow myself or my children to be around the relatives who had be child molesters. This caused great stress for me because all sides of the family did their best to make me feel guilty or to undermine my limits.
I can't say I've been a saint because I overeat or smoke as a way to comfort myself at times. Mostly I feel like a survivor with a beautiful and meaningful life. I teach part-time Spanish at a Christian school nearby, converted from Bahai to Catholicism as an adult, coordinate the Migrant Ministry at our church, write poetry, sketch, garden and am continually learning better ways to organize the home (I also have ADD). My husband has come a long way and is able to be creative in his work and a loving part of this family. He stands by me and my decisions most of the time, because they have proved good.
-- H, age 32
8.10.2005 I identify with Vincent Van Gogh(wasnt in the list lol).
Its difficult,well it was much more difficult, now I see myself more clearly, understand myself better. I suffer but now this suffering is purposeful, and that makes a significant difference.Giorgi Chorgolashvili, age 24, email
8.8.2005 All I have to say is that I entirely relate to 90% of what is written on this page. Amazing. I can't believe there are so many people out there who feel and think like I do. I always feel so alone in my perceptions of the world. How comforting and encouraging though! I want to go share with everyone I know this website, but I know that none of my friends, not even my dear husband is nearly as interested in human personality as I am. So it would probably be a fruitless effort... :)
-- Anonymous, age 26
8.05.20005 The thing I've found most difficult about being an INFP is that I have had to become emotionally strong in order to defend my way of life, which is often different from everybody else's! For instance my family operate on a strictly 'too much thinking is bad for you' policy. For an INFP dreamer this is a very boring way to live!ps like the bit about if we were all realists we would be living in caves comment! I think INFPs underestimate the inner strength they have had to cultivate in order to maintain a healthy self-image throughout life, and are sometimes hard on themselves because they start to believe they have intentionally alienated themselves. I can often become too defensive but this is not my intention, and then I worry I am flawed in a way others are not. But I think the important thing is to remain open. I don't want to be singled out as very kind (although it's true I am fiercely idealistic) I just want to be free to connect without prejudice from others or myself. I have to remind myself constantly, (and I find humour helps me here) that I am just the same as everyone else. Other people can care as much as I do it's just that they may not show it as much or in a way that I do. The most important thing I've found is not to let this difficulty convince me that I am alienated from others. I'm not - in the end we are all basically the same - some types hide their emotions better but they are still just as strong as an INFP's emotions. The amazing thing about being an INFP is that ironically we find our strengths in what others may see as weakness, which gives us a flair for originality and an ability to see past differences. We can retain those special qualities while still knowing we are not alone.
-- Lucy, age 20
8.01.2005 It's so funny for me to be an INFP! I first did the Myers-Briggs as a first year psyc student and came out as a firm ENTJ. It described me exactly, but it wasn't who I wanted to be.
It's been almost 10 years since and during that time I've faced up to a lot of serious abuse in my childhood, some that I didn't even know about. It seems that I became an ENTJ because it wasn't safe to be the real me, an INFP.
I'm so excited now to find the real me! I feel enormously blessed that I haven't managed to completely stuff up my life or the lives of too many others before this discovery. I love being an INFP because it's who I really am. No more pretending.I've had the lime-light, performed, debated, been the social butterfly, life of the party and public speaker, and been miserable amongst it all. Now I meditate, spend precious time alone with God, hope to be a writer and continue to reach out to the many young people who drift through life with no anchor and nothing to grip amongst the billowing waves that surround and subdue so many of us.
I've appreciated the encouragement that I've read on this page. My prayer is that my fellow INFPs will also know the true joy of being who they were created to be.-- Hannah, age 27
8.01.2005 being an infp is very diffcult considering you cannot predict your own mood. But knowing who you really are helps a lot.Does that make sense?Anyways the biggest problem with being infp is the dilema that you can relate to everyone but very few can relate to you.And if you are 'lucky' enough and have a family full of realistic, extroverts who love socializing, it gets even 'better'. Nevertheless the only way to deal with being an infp is to accept who you are as you are and don't pay much attention to other's criticsm. am i right about this? please reply, anyone!
-- Rachel, age 19
7.30.2005 Hi there d, I too feel the need to drop off the face of the earth if I'm losing precious "recharge time" Ironcially, two of my best buds are ENFJ's and I feel very comfortable with them. It's refreshing to be with people with whom one can be oneself without having to worry about being thought of as "wierd"
Also, good luck with the photography! One of my outlets is photography and use it as kind of meditation. I find that I can lock myself into my darkroom for a few hours, and be alone with my thoughts as well as create something cool. It's very therapeutic, even if I don't produce anything worth showing to anybody.-- Cat, age 30
7.30.2005 I could really relate to both Tori-16 and Oze-23's story. At 24, I tested and was an ENFP and then retook it a month ago or 6 years later. I could not believe with how much more familiar the INFP seemed to me. The sensitivity, compassion, the overwhelming urge to be a force for good in the world, etc. made sense to me. Even scarier was the detailed and accurate list of weaknesses that INFP can suffer with.
My biggest deficiency, to me, has been the inability to find peace of mind or spiritual contentment. I have been so jaded by man's inhumanity to man as well as the hypocrisy of religion that feeds off of the victims of conflict induced hatred. I wish I could quiet my mind or find a way to channel it. I yearn to create, which is a well-spring for INFPrs, but I have so timid/insecure that I seldom venture forth. When I do, it is a glorious healing. I work in child psyche and I have gained so much, but I look for something deeper, personal, and powerful--the milieu of medicine as a business is too suffocating and backward.
Relationships are another bugger for me.
I enjoyed reading everyones message, it brought some peace and reconciliation to my heart and soul.-- Bryan, age 30
7.18.2005 Cat wonders if anybody else hates having someone there when they arrive home?
yes oh yes! Same goes for email, phones, or any other form of 'forced expressiveness'. When I get home, I want to be left alone. Consider yourself lucky you can 'cool down' in 15 minutes. I mostly need an hour or two. It is really important for me to evaluate my day during that time and to make sure that what I did, thougt, said, felt, decided, ... is in line with my inner self. During the day there is simply no time for reflection.
If I can't take this time, because friends call to go out, mom calls to hear how I'm doing, or because i've already got about 40 unanswered private emails during this week, or because I have to attend to my adminstration,... I feel my lack of medidation time 'building up'. That can happen only for so long. If the bucket is full it needs to be emtpied. It happens often that I simply dissappear from the face of the earth during a whole weekend.
It is hard for my (ENFJ) girlfriend who needs to chat about her day in all flavors and to use me as a 'bouncing ball' for her ideas and insights. She calls me every single day. I know that's because she loves me and wants to talk to me. But if I am in my 'cool down time' and I don't answer her call, se feels rejected.
I am in the process of trying to explain her my 'dissapearences' during evenings or weekends. She seems to be understandable or at least she tries, what a lucky man I am to have a girlfriend like that! In fact, I discovered something very special. Her presence charges me while I am contemplating! She has to shut up of course, but during those silent moments with her I feel really loved. It's amazing, I've never felt so comfortable around somebody.
I took an MBTI test a few months after graduating (engineering) during my first job in a big firm. I tested ESTJ (yes, indeed, I tried to be the kind of person I thought I had to be in order to be successful and in order to fit in. I've always felt an irresistable instinctive adaptiveness towards people around me, at the same time considering my real individualty as something very private.
Discussions about most issues felt simply too trivial to stand ground and harm the atmosphere), and I tested extremely on all scales. The psychologist who accompagnied the test was very suspicious. She turned out to be right. I was already feeling miserable a few years (I can pinpoint the event that triggerd the insight that my hiding behind a 'pleasant face' was in fact hurting my psyche, but that insight was the beginning of a long process of self acceptance which I think I am almost through with now) and trying to be 'corporate' didn't help (btw there is a link on nancy's introvertzcoach website towards a very intersting article about ESTJ bias in organisations. It's true, I've seen it).Recently I took an MBTI again, but this time answered who I feel I am, not who I feel I ought to be. Turned out to be INFP. That, and my subsequent search on the internet (during which I discovered the introvertzcoach) mark the last phase of my self-acceptance process.
Now I am considering a radical career change. A am an engineer, but doing legal work in a highly technical environment. It's a nice team, I learn a lot, but what I really want to be is a photographer. I want to be James Nachtwey.
--d, age 26
7.15.2005 like many of these people i enjoy writing.
I was sexually abused as a child, and ended up anorexic- so no i have not had an easy childhood. nobody seems to understand me, teachers see me as moody and quiet, and often judge me. i enjoy being alone, reading or writing poems. even though life can be lonely, i prefer it this way. i learnt i was an INFP last year and in knowing that i finally feel a sort of connection wth the world, knowing that there are others like me makes me feel less rejected. i now realize that though we are few, does not mean we are weird or odd, but that we are special individuals who have the ability to imagine lfe as we would like it.
-- Clare, age 14, email
7.08.2005 the bronte sisters, mister rogers, and mia farrow (I don't think Princess Di should be on the list - I think she's an ISFP)
finally learning at the age of 26 that there's a reason why I need time alone and become drained in social situations was liberating. I'm not "antisocial," I'm an introvert. And there's a reason why I don't speak and write linearly from A-B-C, why I jump around all over the map - I'm "intuitive" not a flake. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive; I get hurt too much. And corporate America doesn't reward INFPs at all.
-- Anne, age 41
7.06.2005 INFP's are beautiful people!!!!! and by beautiful I mean beautiful at heart!! :)
-- Hina
7.03.2005 Since learning I was an INFP four years ago..my perception of whom I am has totally changed. All my life I felt like the odd girl out because I was so emotional, sensitive, and quiet. But at the same time when I was around a good group of friends..I could talk all night and make everyone laugh. I've done theatre/acting/dance most of my life...it was much easier to play a "role" ... then to talk to strangers in a crowded party. I've always hated picking up the phone and calling people. It makes me feel absolutly panicky.
As I've gone through major, life alterting experiences..I've learned to adapt and "put on" extroverted identities. At work, people are shocked that I am an introvert because of my bubbley, fun, zany personality. The truth is after a week of holding up this personality rolem I an drained and need another week to recover!!
I dated an extreme ENFP..for close to a year. We broke up because he was far too clingy, more emotional than me, basically sucked any of the energy, time, and life I had out of me. Now I wonder if I should give dating a fellow introvert a try? All the men I've dating have been extroverted...pehaps I'd find more comfort and easy with an introvert?
I deal with being an introvet mostly through creative ventures such as writing, singing, dance, listening to music, and painting. I've learned my limitations and what is considered normal and abnormal in my life.
I also picked up the book The Introvert Advantage a few months ago. It blew me away!
Now that I've rambled on.. cheers to my fellow infp's. i love you all!-- Melody, age 21, email, website
7.02.2005 Like Albert Schweizer I beleive in the right of all creatures to live. So much of the world's problems could be solved if we accepted the right of all people to live regardless of their race, religion or conflicting values.
Oddly, I'm also a huge Neil Diamond fan. Who would've thought he was a fellow infp. Go figue!Growing up,I was always told by family and peers that I was a"loser" due to the fact that I would rather read and draw instead of play games. I hated parties where there would be other children present because I would be forced into playing some kind of team sport or having to show off some kind of musical ability. Luckily I had a few teachers in high school who encouraged my creative abilities and so I managed to remain somewhat sane throughout my adolescent and teenage years.
Now that I've joined the ranks of Corporate America, I find that my infp ability to empathize has landed me a position in marketing. (I think about what people need and develop products that I think they would want!) While I'm great at seeing what people need, I have trouble when dealing with vendors and doing "sales related" activities: price negotiations, contracts, etc. I read on another site how we "masquerade in our estj business suit" which is exactly what I have to do for a part of the day...afterwards I usally have to step outside for fresh air or sob a little bit in the bathroom since some of the people I deal with are so harsh.
I would rather spend time alone with my own activities than socialize....something that most people don't understand. I can be quite social and entertaining but after a few hours I need to be alone to recharge. I attended a wedding last year where the guests all spent the weekend together. I had to feign sickness in order to escape the activity!
One thing that I hate more than anything else in the world, is having someone at my house when I arrive home from work. After a long day of dealing with people the last thing I want to come home to are more people! Even if I have 15 minutes to myself I'm ok, but having to immediately jump into another social situation frazzles me. Does anyone else feel that way?-- cat, age 30 (no email)
6.23.2005 [I identify with] Mia Farrow, Princess Diana and Albert Schweizer. All three of them are - were - very private people. You could just tell that there was more to the person than what was shown outwardly. I have always felt that way - that I am not able to express who I really am. That there is this other person inside of me that I would like to share with the world, but don't know how.
I, also, want to DO something to give to the world. I am a social work director. I feel I can DO nothing to help people where I am - the rules and regulations keep any true help from occuring. I'm basically a paper pusher
I've known I was an INFP for a long time - but didn't really understand what that meant. We took the MBTI in a college class - the professor told me I must have answered the questions wrong. Later I took the test again, and was STILL an INFP. I think I become MORE INFP as I get older.
Well, thats true and not true. As a child I was So INFP it was amazing. I lived to spend all of my time in a Plum tree. In that tree I was a magical person. I was an Indian Princess, a Jungle Queen, Tinkerbelle, an Angel, etc. I could fly - I could go anywhere I wanted and be anyone I wanted.
plum treeThen school. I learned to conform = to be what I was not. My inside life was so much more than my external one. I could imagaine anything - and it felt real. It became my secret.
But I have always had a difficult time expressing myself to others. I find that people often do not understand what I am trying to say - so I tend to keep trying to explain and drive everyone nuts!
Relationships have been a problem for me because no one ever really knows who I am. Because I am extremely accepting of the other person and believe profoundly in their right to "be who they are", I will compromise myself and lose who I am - until they stumble upon a strong value that I hold. (I can always imagine who they could be better than I can see who they are.)I have been married several times - I have said never again. One husband thought he could tell me what to do - until, it was detrimental to our daughter. One husband thought I was a dependent personality - until I learned about all of his infidelities. And yet, another husband, was alcoholic and thought I would continue trying to"help" him - until he hurt my daughter.
I now don't date. But recently a boyfriend from a long time ago contacted me (He is married and safe!) and I have been able to have very open and real conversations with him - over e-mail of course. This is how I discovered that I COULD share who I am in writing. I have always been able to write, and have used writing as my therapy - but not to others. So even though he will not be a "boyfriend" - he has brough a great gift to me in helping me learn that I CAN share myself in writing.
I have also learned that the "fantasies" and daydreams I have are much more real to me - that reality is. I've always been told that I was a dreamer - and it is true. . My ex-husband (number 2) asked my son which expressway I drove to work - he said "neither, she drives River Road." My Ex answered - "Your mother always did follow her own drummer." I tend to drive the most scenic route, not the quickest or shortest.
I love being an INFP - I feel mystical, enchanted, an extreme romantic, everything that happens is so much more than just reality! So it is a drawback and an incredible gift that I wouldn't change for the world.I cope by having learned to fit in as :normal" - I do things on time, I don't procrastinate, I am sociable around people - even outgoing. But my private time is much richer than my outer life. I MUST have alone time.
My first social work job was with a group that was extremely group oriented - they even had to have their rooms next to each other when we went to trainings out of town. One time mine was on the other side of the hotel. They were going to try to get my room moved next to theirs. I said "I am not so enmeshed that I cannot walk through the breezeway to see you." I loved my room being seperate! When my supervisor finally learned that I was an introvert she did realize that I had probably had a very difficult time with their approach to everything together in teams.
So I am still learning to cope. But the biggest help has been in learning my needs and making sure I take care of them. No one else will - because we;ll never let anyone know what they are!
Also, I have become extremely spiritual - and I love researching all of the different spiritual beliefs.And I am constantly looking for new ways I can share myself - and make a difference. Instead of social work, it may be in the area of spirituality.
ANyway - enough rambling. It is good to be able to send this - with the hope that it may actually be understood.
Thank you.-- LG, age 58
7.01.2005 Being and infp is ok. I think for most of my life I have put that estp coat on. I have been depressed and I have felt lost for a while and I have been looking for something to point me in the right direction to work towards. I'm beginning college soon so I need to find out what career I'm going to have. Luckily it led me to this website and I read as many comments as I could and it reminded me what I wanted to do for my career, change the world somehow. I guess I just have to wait for the right opportunity to present itself. Thank you all so much for commenting! You don't know how much all of your comments helped me. :D
-- Alecia Lee, email
6.29.2005 i understand most of you and i'm so thankful to read your posts! i have a question: do any of you become physically tired fairly easily? if so, how is that related to the infp personality/nature? thank you so much for your help. i'm really struggling with this aspect of who i am right now, because it makes me feel unproductive and lazy. sigh...
-- Anonymous, age 35
WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER YOU BUT NO EMAIL ADDRESS SO IF YOU READ THIS, PLEASE CHECK THIS LINK >>> HEALTH IS A huge ISSUE WITH INTROVERTS (!!!) BECAUSE WE ARE UNDER SO MUCH STRESS LIVING IN A WORLD THAT WORKS AGAINsT US.
6.28.2005 I relate to Kathlyn all to well. I wish I could take her's and all of everybody's awkward feelings, and replace those feelings with a supernatural power -- the kind of power where one can snap his/her fingers and everything would be ok.
I've always been drawn to the archetype of the questing heroine and the fragile poet -- often to my detriment. I'm extremely sensitive and emotional. I also find it very important to be "good" -- when I was a little girl, I got my sense of "goodness" from my religion, and as an adult, I get it from my activism. These things have made my life difficult and painful at times: as a kid, I was called a "crybaby" by adults and peers. My teachers used to take my books away from me at recess so that I would be "forced" to play with the other students. As I got older, I got into fight after fight with people who didn't fit my definition of "goodness" -- my biology teacher, who allowed dissections, the kids in school, who made homophobic jokes, and my father, who had very old-fashioned ideas about "a woman's role".
I'm sure that not all INFPs share my specific values, but I'm sure that we all share this experience of feeling misunderstood. But I also felt powerless to understand the world around me. I had been told over and over that I had "more emotions" than many people, and that I shouldn't force my values on the people around me, but I still didn't understand the seeming insensitivity of the people around me. How could people act with little or no consideration for the feelings of the people around them, when I spent so much time considering the emotions of the people in my life? How could some people go to a party every night of the week, when I felt exhausted after one big night? Why were other people turned off by displays of human suffering, and moved to accuse each other of "playing the victim," whereas I was moved to compassion?
Now that I've gotten into type psychology, it's easier for me to accept myself and others. I try to see value differences as differences in type, and to accept them, even when it's tough for me to see things from the other person's point of view. I even envy rational and outgoing types sometimes. I don't think we should just assign ourselves a "type" and forego all human growth, but it does help to understand that everyone has a unique gift and a special perspective on the world.
-- Sady, age 23, email
6.25.2005 discovered I´m an INFP just a few months ago,actually thanks to my mother who brought home a book about MBTI types.At first I couldn´t believe I can be an INFP but then I read more and more about them and I was just saying to myself:"Yes,this is how I feel,this is what I do." I am keen on writing as many INFPs.I was so startled to read that "INFPs often have unhappy childhood" because this is just what matches my birth chart!And reality:(When I was about six years old I experienced some kind of bullying.I still remember going home from school crying and pleading leave me alone while desperately looking for some help.My parents didn´t do anything though they knew about it.My father even let THAT boy "play" with me in his presence.He could come to our house and my father was talking to him pretending nothing was going on.Well,for him maybe.I think this has really helped a lot in undermining my self-confidence.I often feel like I need some kind of psychotherapy that would help me.I was a quite child with excellent schoolmarks.I didn´t realize my difference that much when I was a child.But now it comes to me stronger and stronger.
I do have deep feelings.Nobody knows about them because you know they´re introverted.I identify with the girl who said "It really bothers me when someone pressures me to give them information about myself..if i wanted to share i would had." I really really hate it as well.I am more reserved than some people would like.I differ in my values so I have to differ in my behaviour.Therefore I´m strange.
I think it´s a great gift to be an INFP.A little bit too often we meet no acceptance of ourselves in this extra-extraverted money-oriented world.
I am so glad to see I am NOT alone.It is very important now when I will have to decide what I want to do with my life.
Thank you all and be proud of being INFPs!
-- Morgan, age 16, email
6.3.2005 Sometimes I hate it but I will always love it.
-- Don, age 25, email
5.31.2005 When I am lost and feel like alone "alien", I am able to come to this webdite. I am comforted by the writings of others. A young had written that his basment is filled with spiders that he will not kill because "they have feelings". I can recall as a child that I would alawys treat my stuffed animals and dolls with kindness. My thought was that they had a secret life once I went to bed. I would always dress them warm. I'd keep the in pairs so that don't would not get lonely. Somedays I feel like conquering the world other days I am not so sure. I honestly believe that we can all exist in harmony. Today I had some money in my purse. I was visting a family who lives in a apartment complex for families in transition. I shared what money I had with the children who had none. I recalled times when I was given something and how wonderful that felt.
-- Lasheda, age 24, email
5.28.2005 Even though on some level I feel, or can feel everything around me I still feel so lonely sometimes. I take this test from time to time, hoping it will change, that I will change. It's difficult to be so sensitive in a world that seems so cold sometimes. I'm recovering, I should add that. Another "bad" breakup with someone I truly wanted to love but who couldn't love me the way I needed them to. I'm a bit depressed, it's been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. Coping, sometimes I think that's all I can do and sometimes not all that well...
-- Michael, age 36
5.26.2005 Although Mohandas Gandhi may not be introverted, his contribution to society is what I so long to do. Although I am quite quiet in nature, my ambition to make a difference in this world far out weighs my need for solitude. I am doing a school project on him at the moment, and his views on untouchability and freedom and equality of all are very influential on my thinking. He is what I aspire to be, and i hope someday i will be talked about just like he is talked about.
I borrowed"Please Understand Me II" from my dad(INTJ), who "borrowed" it from work. It changed my life, and for the better i hope. The problem is, i'm so filled with self-doubt that i keep fighting with myself as to what my type really is--i so want to be an INFP, but i convince myself that i am not a good and selfless enough person to be so. I'm so obsessed with finding who i truly am, or "true self" that i hardly have time to do homework! I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and there is a weight on my shoulders to find a decent job earning a decent wage. I really just want to make a difference in the world: to do my part. To do so though, I must be organized; something i'm indeed lacking.
