MORE RESOURCES FOR INFPs: kara dillingham's chat room
** A MUST FOR INFP's The ESTJ Bias in Organizations and How It Affects INFPs
ARTICLES on this website especially FOR INFP'S
How can I be an INFP and "hate" people?
An Open Letter to INFP's from our expert, Dave DeVaughn
INFP on the warpath
INFP series on good and evil
INFPS and Unrequited Love
Der
Sitzende by Kai-Ole J., age 11, Bochum, Germany UNICEF
INFPs, HEALER IDEALISTS, according to Keirsey (www.keirsey.com), are the gentle poets of the universe. They are especially attuned to issues of good and evil, often having been led to believe their "fantasy" world in childhood was an evil abstraction. Many HEALERS have unhappy childhoods. They represent only 1% of the population and are often misunderstood by those they incarnate with.
HEALERS are the peacemakers of the world. With their gentle sensitivty and their passion for the potential in those they love, they can appear to be like Don Quixotes, tilting at windmills. Despite their serene exteriors, HEALERS are intense and committed. You will find HEALERS working anywhere that people are healed by touch, talking, learnings and sharing.
INFPs are also called THE POET. In earlier classifications they would be members of the IDEALIST group, called APOLLONIAN and Choleric.
[This statement is not gender correct. I couldn't correct it without changing it completely, so please read it gender neutral.] "What is a poet? He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men. His poetry can bring deliverance from spiritual death, bringing his hearers to a new knowledge of their divine Creator, who gave him this special power. In this way souls that have been disordered can be healed, and the human relation with God may be restored when it has been impaired...This is the fruit and indeed the purpose of music and poetry, direct gifts from God to mankind." -- Elizabeth Henry, Orpheus and His Lute
Also see TypeLogic. Where Keirsey and TypeLogic differ in assigning famous people to categories. I have used my own intuition.
FAMOUS INFP HEALERS:
HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN
EMILY BRONTE
NEIL DIAMOND
PRINCESS DIANA
MIA FARROW
HOMER
MARY, MOTHER OF GOD
MISTER ROGERS
ALBERT SCHWEIZER
OSCAR WILDE [THANKS TO SUE LONDON]
SHAKESPEARE
YEATSRead what Nancy's INFP readers say about themselves and how they have learned to cope.
PLEASE BE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
IF YOU WANT AN ANSWER!
11.11.2008
male, age 66
Many INFP's express feeling all alone. had that feeling as well. It has come and gone through out my life. Then I look at the evidence. My leadership has been sought out repeatedly. People seek out my company. People treat me warmly where ever I go. There is strong evidence that I'm well liked and highly respected, yet on the inside I often feel that I have no one to whom I can openly express what's going on inside me.
I've always liked being unique. I know that I'm sometimes viewed as flaky and that's OK. I see the world differently than almost everyone I've ever known but my gift with words has helped me expand other peoples world and I take great delight in that.
For me it is impossible not to become personally involved with people. Not in a sexual sense but I need to know what makes people I like tick. David Keirsey's work has been a real revelation to me. Other books I would recommend are "The Introvert Advantage" by Dr. Marti Laney also "The Writers Journey" by Christopher Vogler. These books however would not have nearly as much impact on me had I not been very familiar with the Christian Bible. Years of Bible study established my confidence that regardless of my feelings that I'm both "Loved" and that "I've been intentionally designed by my God for a specific purpose."
These two things enable me understand that I have both worth and a reason for acting in a way that is consistent with this quirky personality I've been given. It also helps me understand that I have weaknesses and that is OK too because it makes me dependant on others with other gifts. Thus I help them by supplying some of their needs and they help me with those things I not able to give myself. My wife is an ESFJ she keeps me from drifting and I open up a world of fun for her. I have benifited greatly from friends who are ESTJ and ISFJ. I feel a strong connection to SJ personalities more so even than I do to other NF personalities. Of all the people who's type I know the ones I'm most attracted to are SJ's. I know several NF's (no other INFP) I know an ENFP, and two ENFJ's. I love all three of these people dearly but they don't help me grow in the same way the SJ's do.
I'm also not limited to my God given INFP personality. I can and have learned other types skills. Yes I'm a loner on the inside but actively involved with the world I live in. I feel a strong commitment to make this world a better place because I've spent however many years I given to live in it. Unlike what people might think as an INFP I'm very comfortable speaking publically. I regularly address between two and three hundred people at a time. Others might think this comfort isn't natural but I assure you that it is natural for me. I in fact get a rush from public speaking. Yet with that said I'm inherrently shy, and as I said before I feel totally alone more often than not and only the evidence others confirm with their strong welcoming love for me saves me from going deeper and deeper inside myself and becoming depressed.
6.01.2007 I learn to cope by removing myself temporarily from ppl that I love, but who drain my energy. I have also discovered pranic healing, which acknowledges our energy fields, and sometimes I ask for a healing of that, by a practitioner.
I stopped beating myself up for loving to spend time with books, or in nature, by myself, and I have close friends who understand me and don't push me to interact until I'm ready. I have overcome being shy by working in ppl-oriented fields, and I have met some wonderful people, who have helped me, and whom I have also helped.
Good connections can be made, we don't have to give up who we are. I also educate my supervisors about my type, so they don't feel left out,too. It helps to educate them about introversion and how you operate at work, esp. if your office is chaotic. But I had to leave a job that was TOO chaotic bec. it was just draining me.
My introverted self needs to sleep, eat right and exercise, and use a planner. I also benefit from regular journaling, reading scripture, or Marianne Wmsn, and taking my time and not rushing around. It helps to have one or two ppl in yr life who understand introversion and affirm you for it. Don't ever beat yrself up. You are special. And so am I. I'm glad we have this site.
I identify with Mister Rogers bec. he's quiet, kind, gentle and expects ppl to listen, he seems to understand ppl and some of the universal feelings everyone has, he thinks before he speaks, and he is s l o w.......and methodical. I find him very soothing to watch. He is good for adults' inner child. When you are sick in bed, watch Mister Rogers and you will feel comforted.
~ BJ, age 51, email
Our Poster Boy, Edward5.18.2007 Well, like I said, it’s like being Edward Scissorhands. The inability to communicate and have the world be afraid of you. You want to reach out and touch them, but you sense that you probably would harm them. I always feel lost in a sea of magical ideas, concepts, and visions of the world. I feel broken down all the time with no one to relate or understand.
I am a reoccurent visitor of the astral planes, which is a blessing, because in those worlds, we communicate w/o words and there is no judgement for feeling. It’s as though a universal language is spoken and always understood. But, I always feel even more lonely upon return to this earthy plane which I feel I am not of.
Life isn’t bad, I make do getting by working for an non-profit organization. But this particular non-profit continues to become more of a corporation every day. I feel I’ve cheated my soul already by participating and I’m only 26. I try to hold onto the idea that one day I will have the means to put myself in an environment that nurtures my innate sensitivity and creativity. I also own a small business as an energy healer (go figure). But I’m lacking in confidence so I seem to actually deter clients from coming to me.
Right now, I feel depressed. But I’m glad I had the opportunity to recently discover my INFPism. It has brought me back to who I am. I’ve spent the last two years hiding like a cancer under my own skin, hoping the skin will thicken and I won’t have to interact on a personal level and be rejected and misunderstood ever again. I’ve re-gained my confidence to understand that this is my gift to the world. So, thank you INFP’s for that gift.
Jennifer, a ge 26, jenncole12@yahoo.com, website www.innerologies.com
5.17.2007 hey i just stumbled onto this site.
It’ s weird but the advice that BLITHESPIRIT gave was just what I needed. Don’t we INFPs feel so alone in this stupid world sometimes?
Intense, really emotional, hates violence and war,great at advising others but not oneself, hates superficial people, hates socialising out of necessity,...these are all the traits I have, and I’m sure you guys all feel the same way!
Instead of feeling so alone, how about forming a friendship group?
No matter which country we reside in or how old we are, at least we’d always have a friend to confide in, because a fellow INFP is sure to understand because we all feel the same way, right?
It’s just an idea but do email me at sessho@sesshoumaru.zzn.com and perhaps we could come up with something.
It’s such a shame for such rare gems like INFPs to be suffering alo
Vivienne, age 21, sessho@sesshoumaru.zzn.com
5.14.2007 As an INFP, through my life I have been highly attuned to what others want. When the wall of “shoulds” builds in my mind, I have a choice of how to handle it. I’ve tried to forget it with distractions (healthy and otherwise), leave it (divorce, resignation), or to change it. All of these have their time and place for me (can go on simultaneously), but I recognize that option of changing things, redefining relationships around what I want -- in spite of how that seems contrary to my nature -- has the biggest payoff... ultimately leading to a life that seems generally happy and sustainable... until the next crisis. I hope things keep getting easier.
Jay, age 44, email
Something else I have learned recently: I become depressed when I do not share my healing energy. It needs to be given away. So next month I will participate in a Shamanic Energy Healing Training. I felt it is right for me. Yes, I learned it is very important to trust my intuition. It is a matter of life and deth. :) And really I can not lead this kind of “normal” life. I know much of human potencial is not used yet and I want to unerstand how it can happen. And yes, maybe for those rationals I am irrational being (woman!) but for me it is very practical. The existence of the planet depends on that - to find out how people to stop being afraid so much, because “thinking” has power to CALL into being/existence the thoughts. And I start with myself. Exploring what is in me - emotions, mind, spirit, body. I go to therapy, also do meditations, meet people who know I am not crazy:) and nourish me. And I can continue forever... Because writing is another way to put myself together... Wish you well and thanks for the website.
Sasha from Bulgaria, age 26, email
4.1.2007 I see that nobody has added anything to this post-box for a while so possibly this is now a ghost thread... But I still wanted to add something here. It’s late. It’s far too late at night, but I have been sitting and reading all of these INFP posts and moving gradually from the state of vague greyness, bordering on depression, which drew me to this site to a feeling of calm and peace.
I honestly don’t mind being an INFP, and the knowledge that I am one has made me very happy in my identity, but the thing that bothers me most about being an INFP is how emotionally vulnerable we are. Does anybody else feel this?
believe that because INFPs are people pleasers (for good and bad reasons) we often sacrifice too much of ourselves for others trying to heal them, and then end up burnt and racked with guilt for having to let go to save the last shreds of self they couldn’t understand. Am I making sense? (you’re right, I’m thinking of a particular friendship/relationship I had lately which didn’t work out and which - for me - highlighted all the relational problems to which the INFP personality is liable!). We dwell on things. We feel guilty and anxious about situations we can’t control. We get upset when others trivialise something we care about. It takes us YEARS to get over messy relationships. We are horribly prone to depression.
But on the other hand, our strengths are phenomenal too. If we believe enough in ourselves, we can extraordinarily creative. Our idealising imaginations, when allowed humanitarian or artistic scope, can effect tremendous things. And although we may find it difficult to be happy, our sensitivity to goodness, kindness, ‘light’ (both visually and metaphorically) and all that is delicate and beautiful in this world can make us - even if it is only for an instant - the happiest people on the planet. I wouldn’t swap that vulnerability for anything else!
But if we are the natural ‘healers’ in the personality-pool, how can we help heal ourselves? How can we be aware of our weaknesses and turn them into something positive (or at least mitigate the cripplingly negative counterpoints that the INFP weaknesses can be).
I don’t have any fix-it-all solution, and the advice given by others here was, I thought, very wise. But having thought about this question a lot in response to reading all of YOUR thoughts, I had some ideas myself which I would like to record incase they are of use to anyone who struggles with making the most of their INFP identity.
1) Trust your intuitions about people - they are normally right.
2) Regard being you as another of your INFP-style ‘unviolatable principles’ - pretend that you are one of the people you most wish to cherish and protect, and cherish and protect yourself accordingly. Give yourself rest and relaxation when you need it. Don’t beat yourself up about not getting it right all the time.
3) Try not to obsess about the little things in relationships. Sounds funny, but I do think that in our closest relationships INFPS often experience tremendous frustration and resentment when others let us down. We have a lot of trouble forgiving in these circumstances. An insight from Henri Nouwen, a Christian writer, struck me recently: we have to forgive others for not being God. That means, not projecting our fantasies onto friends, partners, family members who will never be perfect or be able to take the pain away. Once we accept others’ limitations it becomes easier to receive all the love and goodness they do have to offer, and easier for us too to be able to give it.
4) Seek out environments, and people, which nurture your gifts. It is VERY important for the INFP personality to be supported and nurtured in their vocation. It takes a very strong INFP to rise above the temptations to depression and self-criticism without any support. I wonder how many great INFP talents have been lost to the world because they buried them beneath our own fears and dependencies (including, perhaps, the fear of succeeding). Don’t let this happen to you!
5) Relating back to the point about emotional vulnerability... Be kind to yourself and remember that love comes in many different shapes and guises. The end of a relationship - any relationship - is really not the end of the world, and all things can be transformed and resurrected with faith and hope. Nothing good is ever lost.
6) Whatever ‘evils’ of depression, doubt, anguish or isolation, you fight against, your power or imagination and regeneration is still greater than all of that. I was reading Coleridge’s biography recently (I think he was probably also an INFP) and felt moved that he accomplished so much with so much against him - a relentless opium addiction, a miserable family-life, and - worst of all to him - a forced separation from the love of his life. Whatever situation you are in, you have no idea of the power in you to create, to be, to effect, something of lasting value in this world.
Have the courage to be yourselves!
(I realised I just talked myself round, also - one convert to these sentiments already!)
Thanks to everyone for your comments. Lots of kindly lights!
Of the infp’s mentioned on the site, I identify with Shakespeare (that is, I’d love to write like Shakespeare, he sees everything so compassionately and clearly and no-one else can get you high on words so quickly!) but I also identify with St John in the gospels (not on this list, but a likely INFP - at least he writes as if he might be one) The fact that he stood by Jesus at the Cross, and stayed to look after Mary, always moved me. I would like to be like him.
Blithespirit, age 27
Many people are expressing an isolation that was explained to some degree by the MBTI. Please be aware that a very high percentage of gifted people are INFPs. Giftedness - a condition beyond simple intelligence - adds another layer of uniqueness that may be responsible for one's feeling separate or disconnected. Gifted people view the world very differently. For example, they tend to have a finely tuned sense of right and wrong that results in a frequent state of moral indignation. Most often, this indignation is deemed by others to be an extreme response. As a result, the gifted person frequently does find him or herself alone in the quest to "tilt at windmills."
A wonderful resource for gifted people - both children and adults - is SenGifted
Anonymous, age 41
9.12.06 It makes me sad to read the posts on this site. I am an INFP, and I think it’s a wonderful thing to be! Who else has the opportunity to see thee magic in the wold like we do? We have a gift of understanding people and what’s going on around us. Yeah, it’s tough when you feel alone and different, but if you can surround yourself with people who are accepting of differences, it is fantastic!I am nurse, whoch in some ways is wonderful, adn in others it’s not a great fit. It gives me a great opportunity to touch peoples lives, and provide for their emotional needs, which myself and my patients crave. However, it’s extremely regimented, and routine, with little room for flexibility, which for my flighty personality can be quite difficult. The great thing about working as a nurse is my co-workers. They all have that F component that we crave in our relationships, and through my job, I have developed the best friendships of my life.
I was lucky enough to grow up in a house with a mom who is also an INFP, who taught us to see the beauty and magic in the world, and the positive in every situation. (Unfortuantely, she wasn’t able to teach me to be organized!) My dad was a wonderfully sensitive ISFJ, and funny enough, it turns out so is my husband. This has been a fantastic match, because he is sensitive enough to listen to and nurture my feelings, and give me the time and space I need, but he keeps me grounded....the metaphore that I think of is someone holding onto a helium baloon-I’m great fun and whimsical, but if he lets go, I just drift off to where noone would notice or appreciate who I am. He makes me feel so safe, and when I ask those questions (How on earth did you think of that??)He thinks it’s an amazing indication of my intelligence.
It is possible to be happy (if not confident) as an INFP, as long as you can find positive, gentle people to share your life with! Live in the beauty and magic!
~Megan, age 28, email
9.02.2006 I enjoyed reading these posts. As most of you, I had a somewhat difficult time growing up. My dad (in his 30’s) was still rebelling against his father throughout my childhood, so I had to be the adult. This caused a contradiction in my mind because I wanted to be a kid but never felt like *most kids. Anyway my dad is worried that I’m gay (which I like to have fun with), but it must have been all those times he called me a pussy growing up that created my affinity towards women. (joking) My mom has always been there for me, encouraging creativity, reading, knowing who you are. Without her I would be in denial about who I am today.
The mask during high school was always on, I was the quiet class clown with many aquantences but no friends. During this time I let people walk on me because I saw no other option. Once I learned to stand up for myself (in a kind way, sometimes) I could see the shock on peoples faces realizing that I was a human and not a verbal punching bag.
I’m not that old but I’ve been through my share of depression (or breakdown) throughout the past five years but I discovered so much about who I am and what I need out of life that I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
If it were not for the lonliness and isolation I would be going to college for computer science (which I hated) because it was what society expected from me (no offense meant to anyone who enjoys this field).
I’m going to school and i’ve met a couple of great people along the way with whom I can have conversations with. It’s interesting to realize that those few people make me feel more satisfied than having a thousand aquantences for nothing more than self bragging rights.
Anyways I’m still on my way to wherever it is i’m going. But after realizing that it’s about making yourself happy in the present rather than holding out for future ideals, life becomes (in my opinion) a little more satisfying and manageable. Sure there are still feelings of depression and isolation that come back from being what, one percent, of all personality types. It’s still hard not to have compassion for even complete assholes, but I’ve learned to hold off on my instincts and in turn it’s made my personal and social life (or lack thereof) a bit more gratifying.
Sorry for all the I’s and Me’s but it’s late and this isn’t getting graded so onward.
~Robert, age 22, email
8.26.2006
Hello Fellow INFPs!
I’ve spent a good few years trying to discover what is wrong with me. I’ve recently discovered I am an INFP. I assume that is what’s wrong with me, or should I say, different about me?
When I look back at the relationships I’ve had in my life, from school friends, family, partners and girlfriends, they have often gone horribly wrong if they became lengthy enough for me to reveal myself. I have realised people either run a mile from me once they get to know me, or they see that I am just a complex, caring, passionate person and become devoted to me. Unfortunately, most people run a mile.
I have found though that once I’ve openned up with someone and revealed all, and maybe been angry and upset, if they hang around and make up with me, I tend to be forever calmer with them. I am so relieved they have not left me that I relax.
My biggest problem is trying to not reveal myself. Generally, people are able to hold back and keep people at arms length, but I always struggle with this. I like to open up and be me, but it takes an inteligent and serious person to understand me.
I always seem to do far more for other people than people do for me. I always seem to recognise charitable causes, even if it’s just friends in need of help, and love doing things for people. What upsets me a lot is that it seems very few people do things for others just because it’s nice to be nice. It upsets me because people don’t see me as genuinely charitable; it isn’t in their nature therefore they don’t believe it exists in others. When I am in need, I almost always feel self pity as rarely does someone come to my rescue. ‘I do so much for others but where are the people who care about me now?’
I recently left the mainstream way of life and emigrated to a more natural environment where I am able to work for myself and be creative. That has been a very positive move. An INFP in an office is not a happy person; too many people to please, too many potential critisims, not enough freedom for creativity and too much emphasis on indirect profiteering. Soul distroying stuff.
One other aspect of my INFPness which causes a lot of problems is my ability to see when others are being treated badly. I can’t help myself but to be a crusader and sort it out. I’ve got to realise that some people are happy, though msitreated, in their situation, or should I say content and accepting? The saying ‘If something’s not wrong, don’t try and fix it’ should read ‘If something’s not wrong, don’t try and fix it and if it is wrong, don’t assume people want it fixing’.
I suffer from social anxiety (I think this is common amongst INFPs which is a real eye openner), particularly when I feel people are looking at me, or when I have to eat and drink in front of others. I can sometimes stutter and stammer and want the earth to eat me up. I feel so awkward sometimes it makes me feel like a complete alien; everyone else seems so cool, calm and collected. I’ve found telling trusted friends and family members you have social anxiety makes a big difference as you lolonger feel you are alone in your misery. It made the load a lot lighter and made it less terrifyingly weird; my father revealed he used to avoid lifting a cup up in front of others and my sister revealed she can’t eat alone in a cafe or restaurant! Wow, what a difference that made!
Assuming the worst is also a big problem for me, as is spiraling into a pit of self hatred and belief that no-one has ever really loved me. At times I can become paranoid and believe everyone hates me, even if it’s just because no-one’s contacted me in a week. I realise now, after reading the INFP profile, that I internalise things too readily and take things too personally, when, in fact, people have their own agenda which probably has nothing to do with me. I tend to breath a sigh of relief when, finally, a ‘long lost friend’ contacts me out of the blue. ‘Thank goodness they still want to know me’.
My main worry about my future is whether or not I will ever have a good circle of friends who REALLY know me, and whether or not I have a cat in hell’s chance of finding my soul mate who will be better off with me and who I will want and love forever and not feel irritated by their imperfections.
Will I ever find someone who will make me be a good INFP rather than a bad INFP?
~ Imperfect INFP Me, age 35, email
8.15.2006 I have been shy my entire life. I thought that there was something wrong with me because of that. I thought that I had some sort of social disorder. So I tried very, very hard to be extroverted (like most of my friends). And every time I pretended to be the social butterfly, I would crash afterwards. I would then isolate myself for days until I recharged. I also have an incredibly vivid and rich imagination. I am in every movie, every story, every song. Yet I have a hard time retaining the factual parts of the stories. I only remember what I felt. Since finding out my type and reading other INFP posts... my entire outlook has changed. I am embracing my unique and beautiful self. I don't feel so alone anymore. I feel blessed.
~Angela McDonald, email
8.14.2006 To me, being an infp is like watching yourself and others star in your own film. You can hear plenty of internal monologue and do not doubt the sincerity of your characters/ barring yourself. With yourself, you seem to always be questioning if your character is true or false. I can still remember being nine years old and wondering if "I really meant it" when I asked Jesus into my heart. I believed with all my dreams and nightmares that there was a God and that Christianity was true, but I was always questioning whether I could trust my motives. Funnily enough though, I could see the good in everyone else.....
Regarding coping...
I have taken the test a few times and have scored a borderline I with extremely strong NFP. I will be starting my second year of English teaching and have found that my personal strengths in the area lie with my ability to sense whether my students get it and how they can understand the material that I present. Unfortunately, because I do vibe so deeply..if things don't word..I can find myself taking their lack of response personally.
One way I have coped with this is through understanding that my identity and self esteem do not rely on other people...not that others don't matter, but that my identity with God matters more. Although I am introverted and really only have a few close friends, my faith really makes me believe like I am never truly alone.
~Megan, age 27, email
8.13.2006 To be an infp... Hmm... Being an infp is a bit like being invisible. Nobody ses you, because all they sense is a lack of sense. Nobody feels with you, for which thinker sits and feels? Nobody judges you, for who judges who doesn't judge? So, Mr. or Mrs. nobody, how do you make yourself known? You speak out. You reach out and make an effort. Then, what do you find? Distance. Transparency. All of the things that keep people from you, repeated again and again.
An expert in relationships, with nobody to relate to.
Deep feels like home to you, but another planet to others. With any luck, you realize that this is why you have to help these people. Let them take care of the post offices, the restaurants, the banks, the big businesses, the laundromat and all of the concrete needs. See what they don't see, and offer it to them in a setting made just for you. A private room or a book, with the relationship clearly defined.
You have listened, and now it is time to speak.
Relate like no one else relates.
God bless the INFP's.~CJ, age 23, email
8.10.2006
I did not know I was an INFP until recently. I had taken Myers-Brigg tests before but lied to make myself into what I wanted to be, just like so many others here. I guess I’m a perfect INFP. Bad childhood (sexually abused by a neighbor), lots of bullying during my preteen years. I used to cry at seeing poverty and sick children on television. I spent much of my childhood reading books on my own. My father thought it was unhealthy for me to be too anti-social and enrolled me in acting classes as a way to make me more outspoken. All it did really was help me put on a “mask” to the world so I would be hurt so easily emotionally. I had an early midlife crisis around the age 19. Like most here I kept I journal since the age of 7. I have since given it up as cousins and nasty older brothers once found it and publicly humiliated me by reading my deepest thoughts outloud in front of my relatives. I was always a “perfectionist” at school getting top grades. I wanted to be a writer as a child but my father quickly crushed that dream-he’d rather I become a lawyer or doctor. My mother always criticized me for being a “dreamer”.
I am lucky to have found a soulmate who understands my need for privacy and independence. I used to suffer from depression (still do, sometimes) but have found strength in God and love for my family. Currently I’m attending college, studying economics (I have always been great with numbers) which I like because it has such a great impact on our world. I’m also minoring in film, which is my way (I hope) of someday releasing my creative story-telling side. Other than that, I hope to someday own a bookstore or travel agency and write screenplays in my spare time. I am glad to have found so many others like me here. I don’t know if the poet named Max Ehrmann was an INFP, but his poem “Desiderata” is my favorite. To everyone here I give these lines:
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
~Isabel, age 25, email
Multiple postings from January to July 2006
First of all, I think it's too bad that even the terminology of the website (and many of the posts), treat INFP as a disease to “cope” with. I can understand the temptation, since I am an INFP and have felt the alienation, the depression, and the exclusion that comes along with it. But we're no more diseased than the other types. And I'd rather be an INFP who thinks meaningfully about life (even if it gets us into trouble sometimes) than someone who is only concerned with concrete reality.
Basically, I really relate to the problem of being able to relate to everyone, but no one relating to you.
I have felt so misunderstood since as far back as I can remember. I'm also constantly plagued by the fear that those who think they understand me really only know a very small portion of who I actually am, and might not like the rest of me, were I to reveal more. These are things that don't seem to bother others, and it's hard when no one understands how important some of your thoughts/feelings are to you. THAT is what makes up our worlds, not the trees and buildings that show themselves externally. I also really relate to not being able to find contentment, depsite doing everything “right” (I'm in the humanities, I take plenty of time for myself, etc.). I read somewhere that people refer to INFP as I Never Find Perfection...that really hit home.
Finally, I really relate to the alone time. In college, when I would come back to the room and there would be people all around, I would have this incredible anxiety...my roommate started to notice this after a while, and tried to give me a little space. But sometimes I would just go into the bathroom and sit on the floor, just to gain some space for myself after a long day. Now at least I know this wasn't THAT crazy.
Sari, age 23
I stumbled across your site and like other people posting, I was struck by the similarity between myself and other INFPs. I hate pain and evil and sadness and negativity and cruelty and conflict and depression and faithlessness and distance and detachment and the list could go on and on. I want to rid the world of everything that hurts people and when I see suffering and I can’t do anything about it I get very angry. I’m sure it comes from the fact that my grandmother is a Holocaust survivor, coupled with a very needy and demanding mother who never gave me the love I needed but always expected the love to come from me. So I’ve come to expect that people are unable to give me what I need, while I give them as much as I can, and the result is people falling deeply in love with me (why wouldn’t you fall in love with someone who devoted themselves to you) while they are not capable of giving me what I need. I’m optimistic that someone out will be able to do that, but I have yet to find him. My most often plea -- to myself, in bed, alone, at night -- is for someone who will “understand me” and tell me everything will be ok and show me I’m not alone in the world. It seems like such a small thing to ask in a way -- but it’s so hard to find.
Anyway I am very grateful for this site, to show me that I’m, well, not insane. I think being an INFP is an amazing gift and I’m going to try to embrace it from now on, rather than run from it.
~ josh, age 27, hapkappy@aol.com
I learned that I was an INFP (i lean towards the T quite a bit of the time) a few months ago and has helped me cope with stress in a much more successful way, I think. I now look at the way i act and interact as a personality type, instead of a personality disorder and am able to be more forgiving of my choices, including my poorer ones instead of dwelling on things that cannot be changed. The INFP personality type has become a validation that I retreat to whenever I feel defective. I can reread the profile description and that alone does a lot to dilute my feelings of isolation. However, I do lack the religousness that is supposed to be a trademark of INFPs. If anything, I am religiously atheistic and, i suppose, i have found strength in that. I am happy that I have learned about these personality types at this juncture in my life, as it allowed me to feel more confident and, therefore, more focused in my writing (if only because it is a recommended career). This very unfamiliar feeling of certainty in turn has helped me from being as self-destructive as i am otherwise prone to being. I think that the INFP feeling of being defective or 'wounded to the core' is something that i am learning to accept and work against rather than allowing it to control me.
vim, age 23, flyingchameleon@hotmail.com
P.S. I probably identify most strongly with Oscar Wilde, as he seems to have the same fixation on living a beautiful life, if nothing else and has the same (if much more eloquent) capacity to hide any depth of feeling behind witticisms and jokes.
12.01.2005 Honestly I can't find words that describe what it feels like to be me. So what is it like to be a INFP? Hmmm.. its really unfortunate that I can't get "simple" things done because I hold a perfectionist mentality. I continue to analyze over and over again the most basic form of data. Fortunately I have a good network of friends that understand and urge me not to be so serious. It's also great that there are outlets for our personality types that can share comments. I spent so many years wishing I was a certain way, even adapting to extroverted characteristics. I was never happy. I always felt like I cheated myself. Coming to the realization that we are all different and we are human, is starting to make things easier.
-- Cam, age 25, email
11.16.2005 I'm not sure I have learned to cope with being an INFP. It has certainly helped me understand why I always felt like I was from another planet. Any book or movie about an alien coming to Earth always captured my imagination. What's more is that I always identified very strongly with the alien. I did so so strongly that it alarmed me.
Like the other people who posted, I'm relieved to know I'm not alone and why it is I see the world the way I do. Still, it has been tough. I feel like a fish out of water in most settings. It doesn't help to have someone say,"You're so smart and intense that I have no idea what you're talking about." That'll make you feel alone.
I've never dated much; I have typically had very intense relationships with women, or at least wanted very intense relationships. I scared a few off and felt unfulfilled by a few others.
And while I have fairly broad musical tastes, I have a distinct preference for musicians who I recently surmised are likely INFPs. Reading interviews and lyrics I suspect that Peter Gabriel, Kate Bush, Sarah McLachlan, Shawn Colvin, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Paula Cole and David Sylvian are all INFPs. The sheer diversity of styles tells me that I'm responding to something at a very deep level.
Looking back on my time in graduate school (I have an MFA in creative writing from UMASS Amherst) I can see that many of my classmates were also INFPs, and yet, I often felt alone among them.
My optimism remains intact, but as I enter romantic relationships, I find it difficult to connect with anyone who isn't an NF. I feel like I really need an ally when I get home. Conflict at home is tough for me to deal with; there, more than anywhere else is when I want to feel understood.I identify with Schweitzer and Shakespeare. I want everyone to be self-fulfilled and happy and I want to write about it; I am a writer. My graduate work was in poetry.
-- Patrick, age 41, emai
12/06/2005 Gosh, reading what everyone has written has been really great. I recently found I was an INFP. For a while I really wanted to be extroverted and thought it was wierd to be introverted. I always felt so odd, since I was so quiet and shy. People commented my on how quiet I was and it drove me nuts, because I wasn't quiet inside. I'd get my feelings hurt easily and cry, though I tried so hard not to.
Then I found out I could pretend to not be shy in high school and was in plays and danced. Most people thought I was bubbly and outgoing, but I felt no one in my entire school knew me. And after I'd laugh and hang out with everyone, I'd sometimes go home and cry.
I did always feel different and like I had to pretend to be less intense. I don't want to scare people, so I'll pretend to smile or look content, even if I'm not feeling that way. I usually don't say everything on my mind unless I'm very close with someone, becaue they might think I'm strange. Even my normal comments often get the reaction of "I'd never thought of that..hmmm"
I've also done that thing of "fighting" for things. I remember arguing with teachers all through high school and college if they did something that was unfair to everyone or wasn't an objective way to grade. And though I was quiet, I'd almost try to get them to explain themselves in front of the whole class.And at gradauation, when the kids were throwing beach balls all during the ceremony, and I saw a nerdy girl get her cap knocked off after getting a doctorate and looked like she might cry, I grabbed the beach ball when I had a chance and held onto it, even though the colleges of construction and engineering were yelling at me and even came over to try to steal it back. I felt I had to. And then some guy grabbed the other ball and kept it too, and said he had my back and I was so happy. I just have to stand up for stuff, even if everyone is glaring at me, which is hard.
So often I feel really lonely since most people seem so superficial and unconcerned about others. I blamed myself for so long and thought something was really wrong with me. That it must be my fault I didn't have hundreds of super close friends. But now I know it's just harder to find people I can really connect with, being this type. I've found that I can be close friends with people, but not completely be my entire self, since it scares them. And that's better than nothing.
I'm also a writer, marketing stuff, and that was interesting to see writing is a common for this type. Anyway, I'm just so happy to see other people who have had a hard time with this, but are trying to be happier people. :) Thanks,
-- Julia, 24
12.05.2005 Yeah, so anyway, as an INFP college has been an interesting experience. I have confused successive roomates and suitemates by the fact that I'm this lively chatty person in my dorm room, and almost entirely silent outside of it. Sometimes I feel like I can't really count anyone as my friend. Of course, I realize that this is just my natural tendency, but I feel out of it a lot of the time.
As a music therapy major, I get an opportunity to heal in a very nonverbal way that fits me perfectly. I actually get goosebumps just thinking about the fact that I will eventually get paid to do something I love. There's something about music that helps me realize who I am. I love it when a song comes on that matches exactly how I feel, especially when I'm feeling emotionally walked all over. It's really nice to understand why I feel the way I do and that others feel the same way.
As a huge fan of British Lit. Emily Bronte really rings a bell. I'm not so sure about Mary, Mother of God (somehow I just don't think that she took the Myers-Briggs).
-- Karli, age 19, decoygal@yahoo.com
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11.2.2005 Why didn't you post what I submitted? I wanted to be an example of an INFP that doesn't pity himself so much. I don't believe being an INFP automatically means you're severly defective and that was part of my message.
If there was something in my post that was inappropriate or just plain wrong, I would like to know. I don't normally assume that no feedback is negative feedback but in this case I think it is, and I would like to know.
-- Ardi, age 23, email
10.26.2005 I read a website that said "INFP's see the world through rose colored glasses" and "never seem to lose their sense of wonder." That's so apparent to me when I look at the collection of everyone's comments. These comments remind me of that movie Closer with Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman. There's a scene where Natalie Portman's character is talking about this photo of herself, and she's crying in that photo. And she said that it's pictures of sad people taken to look beautiful. This is what the INFP's writing style seems to be. The things I read here are sad, but the words are so poetic that being unhappy seems like a richer better way to live. This must be the left-overs from coping with our unhappy childhoods.
My story is this: I was a fat little girl. While I was fat, I was dealing with this by doing well in school, extracurricular activities, being super nice, and I wrote in my journal and wrote lots of letters (still do). The writing is a good time for me to think about what interesting things happened that day and what I can do to make tomorrow better. I bet a lot of INFPs keep journals.
I assumed that I didn't fit in with my peers because I needed to drop a few pounds (most of it, but there's more). In high school, I did, along with getting rid of my acne, teeth fixed, and my mom taking me to see some counselor because I wanted Prozac. This counselor told me to ask people questions and act interested in what they have to say. I did that, and I was popular all of a sudden. This was better than being the fat kid, but I still didn't feel like I'd bridged the gap between me and everyone else. I had these friends that I would say stuff to, like, "how was the dance?" They'd say it was "good." And I'd try to talk about my experience, and they'd interrupt me to talk about theirs. I NEVER got to talk about what I wanted to. I tried to keep up with them as I went into college because I wanted that ideal friendship that lasts forever. I gave up on them when I really looked at things for what they were. Most of them wanted me to fulfill all their needs but didn't want to do ANYTHING for me. I thought people might change. They didn't. What I learned from that was this; sometimes, just to get through things, you pretend that things are the way they should be. But don't miss out on a better opportunity by wasting time with roaches, leaches, and rats.
College was a problem and still is sometimes (grad school). I often feel like people who've known me for 3 minutes have already decided that I am socially inept, every piece of crap that comes out of their poop-shoot is terrific, they are better than me, and I should treat them that way. In grad school, have the people I went to undergrad with went other places and they've been replaced by stupider people. So, I wasted all that time showing those other girlies how it was and now, I have a whole new set to break in. The most annoying type of college girl is the type who laughs at all her own jokes and when you speak, she looks so bored. Some of them just really aren't worth bothering with. I just have a better feeling when I pretend they aren't there. I like half of the graduate students in my program, so I try to stay away from all the crappy waste-my-time people. What makes me feel better is I found out that the nasty self-absorbed people are really the inferior ones, not me. A couple of them have made "C's" and are on the verge of getting kicked out of graduate school. Then, there are some students who go into the hospitals (work at a new hospital every 4 weeks) and the coworkers don't like them all that much, because people don't like to be treated as inferior. The nice thing for me is that during my hospital rotations, I found that I like most of the people that I work with at the hospital and they like me. I feel really good about that. Sometimes, it's just a change of surroundings and people that will fix the problem instead of trying to fix yourself.
So, in summary, instead of trying me to adjusting to the people around me, I find new people. I try not to waste time waiting for people to get better. Once people get to a certain age, that is who they are the rest of their life. The best use of your time is to help people who want to change or who appreciate you.
-- CS, age 24
10.06.2005 Up until very recently I had no idea I was an InFp. For me being an I(78) N (38) F(68) P (38) has been a frustrating exhistence. How one deals with it is entirely up to themselves but for me it was a matter of turning myself off and putting up the shallow facade that I see amongst alot of my Extroverted acquaintences.
-- Craig, age 28, email
9.21.2005 I just discovered that I am an INFP and that it is only like 1% of the population. I took about three tests just to be sure. One thing which really confuses me is that of my love of mathematics, science, computers and things of logic. The descriptions of INFP seems to imply that of someone who's not too obsessed with logic and such. I will be grateful to anyone who can explain it to me. Could it be that I'm shaped into an INFP or what?
Indeed I can't bear to kill anything. I look out for ants and avoid stepping on them to the extreme, and I opted not to do biology when I was more than qualified as I couldn't bear the enormity of dissection. I believe everywhere where students are streamed into different classes in high school, biology, chemistry and physics are taken by the people who are 'smartest' as it offers the best path to be doctors or life-science researchers, who will get to make lot of money. In fact, I was so afraid to pick up ants as I feared that should I exert too much strength, I might crush them. As such, my behavior renders me(a guy) wimpish to others.
When I was still in primary school, I was forced by my mother to sleep early every night. I would usually think myself to sleep; thinking about life and death, the fate of the Terrapene which my mum forced my sis and I to release to the canal, and cry myself (silently, but with tears) to sleep many a night.
I have very little friends and even among those little friends which I have, none of them are bosom friends. I hope to have one or two bosom friends in my life. I feel that I am a failure when it comes to relationships.
Being a perfectionist, I burnout often and tend to procrastinate and justify my actions. For example, I borrowed a book on preventing procrastination in order to procrastinate the packing of my room, delayed my self-learning of programming by surfing sites like this and read geek stuff etc....all because when I want to do something, I want to do it in the best possible way. Over the past 1.5 years in the army (drafted, I cant imagine killing another person), I realised that sometimes, we cannot always want to do things in the best way as it might prevent us from doing it in the first place, and it could have severe consequences.
I really hope that I, and all fellow INFPs can make a good difference to the world.
Do drop me a mail if you have comments or good advise.-- CK, age 20, email
9.20.2005 I identify with Homer -- his explanation of truth.
I have spent the last 12 or more years traveling the oceans in the Merchant Marines. I started up through the ranks and made it Officer in charge of sea going vessels on my own merit. For the last year or more know I have been on shore by chioce trying to switch my gears and become more of the whisper inside of me. The adjust period has been hard and confusing for myself and friends. I found out shortly ago that I was INFP type personality. I see more clearly that I'm cued differently. I cope with time to myself and Ideas more readily know without guilt.
I see that this life I live has more possiblity when I follow my plan with understanding of my personality type. This has also allowed me to see leaving the work at sea has good reason. The works I read are those that deal esoteric truth and myth. Joesph Campbell and Vernon Howard help me alot. I feel that a balance in life is good especially if you lean toward INFP thought.
-- Ben Johnson, age 38, email
9.11.2005 I've read many of the comments on this site, and it's amazing to see how many people are lik me. I've always been the outcast- the smart, quiet, loner type. I'm not surprised that I've always felt so alone, seeing as how only 1-2% of the population is INFP like I am.
I took an online test yesterday, and when I saw those results, it was like the person knew who I really was. Since then, all I've done is start rading more and more about introverts, particularly Healers. And the more I read, the more I feel I understand myself. Everything just seemed to fit me perfectly.
I had a bad childhood; I was surrounded by drugs and alcohol, it wasn't uncommon for the police or and ambulance o be at my house at least once a month, I almost lost my mother several times in just a few years. I started seeing a conselor, and in an attempt to maybe get her to understand better, I looked up pesonality disorders. I thought "Well, I must have that one. There's no other reson why I am so different." Now I realize that I'm just... special.
I value rarity, and being only part of 1-2% of the population makes me happy. I feel like I'm truly special. And despite the many times I have wished that I could be like everyone else, I wouldn't trade this for the world.
One of my problems is that when I get into an arguement for instance, I can always understand the other person's point of view. Yet they rarely understand mine. Thi is especially bad when I get caught between two friends. I understand what each of them feels, and comfort both, but in the end it's hard, because I try to explain how the other feels.
I'm just happy to finally see that there isn't anything wrong with me; that I'm just a rare and beautiful member of our world. ^^
8.27.2005 Hello,
I am really in need of someone I can relate with, my email is lmdelisi at yahoo dot com so please write especially if you are older, I am middle aged.I only recently found out that I am INFP, because of a former boyfriend who was also INFP. He was the first person I ever met on the planet who I could relate to and the one who had be take the myers briggs test. I was surprised and actually I tested INFJ at first but now INFP he said he switched from those two as well at different times of his life.
Anyway, we split up and there is this huge void now because I finally did have someone to share with that didn't get freaked out by me - I always felt I could only give people about 20% what I thought or felt and they would say tmi (too much information) I always felt too intense for everyone until I met a fellow INFP, so now I think that it would do me good to develop some friendships and I especially would like a male friend INFP, I am a female - to get a man's perspective on this rich, multifaceted personal life that I lead that knows no bounds and fits no categories.
I am also a born again Christian and have a rich faith life - anyone out there that can relate to this please write.
The best to all of you - you are special treasures!
Love to all, Linda
8.15.2005 Well, im a consistant INFP, although im a weak N, which i suppose is useful when I need to actually think about something I dont care about. :)
I have a problem I need help on, and if anyone has the answer please let me know. My problem is the 'harmony' aspect of the typical INFP type. I do enjoy harmony, 'no drama' is my motto. However I have a problem becoming indifferent if someone challenges my beliefs.
By this i mean, If im at a party and I hear someone talking about stem cell research from across the room, Ill go over there and tell them exactly how I feel about it, get emotional, mostly likely start crying because thats what I do, and then give up.This doesnt exactly resonate with the profile. I fit in all other ways, I spend hours thinking about people and trying to help them. (In most cases, bad boyfriends whom I thought I could help).
I guess Im asking how to calm myself so these values arent always so close under the skin. Im in Law school, and plan to work for clients who cant represent themselves. But if I cant even debate at a party with someone I dont even know without breaking into an emotional wreck, how can I fight a case I feel very passionately about for someone who desperately needs my help?
-- Andrea, age 22
8.13.2005 I identify with Princess Diana, not in her beauty and grace, but in her mission to raise her children amid the universe of her husband's family, the Royal family.
My life of struggle has given me many opportunities to use my intuition, (seeing the deeper issues), as a survival skill. I can network my ideas around a moral or ethical goal and find ways to follow the right path for me. I have lived through many emotional difficulties but most prominent is my husband's psychosis and depression while raising two babies. I have had to defend my limits with my in-laws because I could not allow myself or my children to be around the relatives who had be child molesters. This caused great stress for me because all sides of the family did their best to make me feel guilty or to undermine my limits.
I can't say I've been a saint because I overeat or smoke as a way to comfort myself at times. Mostly I feel like a survivor with a beautiful and meaningful life. I teach part-time Spanish at a Christian school nearby, converted from Bahai to Catholicism as an adult, coordinate the Migrant Ministry at our church, write poetry, sketch, garden and am continually learning better ways to organize the home (I also have ADD). My husband has come a long way and is able to be creative in his work and a loving part of this family. He stands by me and my decisions most of the time, because they have proved good.
-- H, age 32
8.10.2005 I identify with Vincent Van Gogh(wasnt in the list lol).
Its difficult,well it was much more difficult, now I see myself more clearly, understand myself better. I suffer but now this suffering is purposeful, and that makes a significant difference.Giorgi Chorgolashvili, age 24, email
8.8.2005 All I have to say is that I entirely relate to 90% of what is written on this page. Amazing. I can't believe there are so many people out there who feel and think like I do. I always feel so alone in my perceptions of the world. How comforting and encouraging though! I want to go share with everyone I know this website, but I know that none of my friends, not even my dear husband is nearly as interested in human personality as I am. So it would probably be a fruitless effort... :)
-- Anonymous, age 26
8.05.20005 The thing I've found most difficult about being an INFP is that I have had to become emotionally strong in order to defend my way of life, which is often different from everybody else's! For instance my family operate on a strictly 'too much thinking is bad for you' policy. For an INFP dreamer this is a very boring way to live!ps like the bit about if we were all realists we would be living in caves comment! I think INFPs underestimate the inner strength they have had to cultivate in order to maintain a healthy self-image throughout life, and are sometimes hard on themselves because they start to believe they have intentionally alienated themselves. I can often become too defensive but this is not my intention, and then I worry I am flawed in a way others are not. But I think the important thing is to remain open. I don't want to be singled out as very kind (although it's true I am fiercely idealistic) I just want to be free to connect without prejudice from others or myself. I have to remind myself constantly, (and I find humour helps me here) that I am just the same as everyone else. Other people can care as much as I do it's just that they may not show it as much or in a way that I do. The most important thing I've found is not to let this difficulty convince me that I am alienated from others. I'm not - in the end we are all basically the same - some types hide their emotions better but they are still just as strong as an INFP's emotions. The amazing thing about being an INFP is that ironically we find our strengths in what others may see as weakness, which gives us a flair for originality and an ability to see past differences. We can retain those special qualities while still knowing we are not alone.
-- Lucy, age 20
8.01.2005 It's so funny for me to be an INFP! I first did the Myers-Briggs as a first year psyc student and came out as a firm ENTJ. It described me exactly, but it wasn't who I wanted to be.
It's been almost 10 years since and during that time I've faced up to a lot of serious abuse in my childhood, some that I didn't even know about. It seems that I became an ENTJ because it wasn't safe to be the real me, an INFP.
I'm so excited now to find the real me! I feel enormously blessed that I haven't managed to completely stuff up my life or the lives of too many others before this discovery. I love being an INFP because it's who I really am. No more pretending.I've had the lime-light, performed, debated, been the social butterfly, life of the party and public speaker, and been miserable amongst it all. Now I meditate, spend precious time alone with God, hope to be a writer and continue to reach out to the many young people who drift through life with no anchor and nothing to grip amongst the billowing waves that surround and subdue so many of us.
I've appreciated the encouragement that I've read on this page. My prayer is that my fellow INFPs will also know the true joy of being who they were created to be.-- Hannah, age 27
8.01.2005 being an infp is very diffcult considering you cannot predict your own mood. But knowing who you really are helps a lot.Does that make sense?Anyways the biggest problem with being infp is the dilema that you can relate to everyone but very few can relate to you.And if you are 'lucky' enough and have a family full of realistic, extroverts who love socializing, it gets even 'better'. Nevertheless the only way to deal with being an infp is to accept who you are as you are and don't pay much attention to other's criticsm. am i right about this? please reply, anyone!
-- Rachel, age 19
7.30.2005 Hi there d, I too feel the need to drop off the face of the earth if I'm losing precious "recharge time" Ironcially, two of my best buds are ENFJ's and I feel very comfortable with them. It's refreshing to be with people with whom one can be oneself without having to worry about being thought of as "wierd"
Also, good luck with the photography! One of my outlets is photography and use it as kind of meditation. I find that I can lock myself into my darkroom for a few hours, and be alone with my thoughts as well as create something cool. It's very therapeutic, even if I don't produce anything worth showing to anybody.-- Cat, age 30
7.30.2005 I could really relate to both Tori-16 and Oze-23's story. At 24, I tested and was an ENFP and then retook it a month ago or 6 years later. I could not believe with how much more familiar the INFP seemed to me. The sensitivity, compassion, the overwhelming urge to be a force for good in the world, etc. made sense to me. Even scarier was the detailed and accurate list of weaknesses that INFP can suffer with.
My biggest deficiency, to me, has been the inability to find peace of mind or spiritual contentment. I have been so jaded by man's inhumanity to man as well as the hypocrisy of religion that feeds off of the victims of conflict induced hatred. I wish I could quiet my mind or find a way to channel it. I yearn to create, which is a well-spring for INFPrs, but I have so timid/insecure that I seldom venture forth. When I do, it is a glorious healing. I work in child psyche and I have gained so much, but I look for something deeper, personal, and powerful--the milieu of medicine as a business is too suffocating and backward.
Relationships are another bugger for me.
I enjoyed reading everyones message, it brought some peace and reconciliation to my heart and soul.-- Bryan, age 30
7.18.2005 Cat wonders if anybody else hates having someone there when they arrive home?
yes oh yes! Same goes for email, phones, or any other form of 'forced expressiveness'. When I get home, I want to be left alone. Consider yourself lucky you can 'cool down' in 15 minutes. I mostly need an hour or two. It is really important for me to evaluate my day during that time and to make sure that what I did, thougt, said, felt, decided, ... is in line with my inner self. During the day there is simply no time for reflection.
If I can't take this time, because friends call to go out, mom calls to hear how I'm doing, or because i've already got about 40 unanswered private emails during this week, or because I have to attend to my adminstration,... I feel my lack of medidation time 'building up'. That can happen only for so long. If the bucket is full it needs to be emtpied. It happens often that I simply dissappear from the face of the earth during a whole weekend.
It is hard for my (ENFJ) girlfriend who needs to chat about her day in all flavors and to use me as a 'bouncing ball' for her ideas and insights. She calls me every single day. I know that's because she loves me and wants to talk to me. But if I am in my 'cool down time' and I don't answer her call, se feels rejected.
I am in the process of trying to explain her my 'dissapearences' during evenings or weekends. She seems to be understandable or at least she tries, what a lucky man I am to have a girlfriend like that! In fact, I discovered something very special. Her presence charges me while I am contemplating! She has to shut up of course, but during those silent moments with her I feel really loved. It's amazing, I've never felt so comfortable around somebody.
I took an MBTI test a few months after graduating (engineering) during my first job in a big firm. I tested ESTJ (yes, indeed, I tried to be the kind of person I thought I had to be in order to be successful and in order to fit in. I've always felt an irresistable instinctive adaptiveness towards people around me, at the same time considering my real individualty as something very private.
Discussions about most issues felt simply too trivial to stand ground and harm the atmosphere), and I tested extremely on all scales. The psychologist who accompagnied the test was very suspicious. She turned out to be right. I was already feeling miserable a few years (I can pinpoint the event that triggerd the insight that my hiding behind a 'pleasant face' was in fact hurting my psyche, but that insight was the beginning of a long process of self acceptance which I think I am almost through with now) and trying to be 'corporate' didn't help (btw there is a link on nancy's introvertzcoach website towards a very intersting article about ESTJ bias in organisations. It's true, I've seen it).Recently I took an MBTI again, but this time answered who I feel I am, not who I feel I ought to be. Turned out to be INFP. That, and my subsequent search on the internet (during which I discovered the introvertzcoach) mark the last phase of my self-acceptance process.
Now I am considering a radical career change. A am an engineer, but doing legal work in a highly technical environment. It's a nice team, I learn a lot, but what I really want to be is a photographer. I want to be James Nachtwey.
--d, age 26
7.15.2005 like many of these people i enjoy writing.
I was sexually abused as a child, and ended up anorexic- so no i have not had an easy childhood. nobody seems to understand me, teachers see me as moody and quiet, and often judge me. i enjoy being alone, reading or writing poems. even though life can be lonely, i prefer it this way. i learnt i was an INFP last year and in knowing that i finally feel a sort of connection wth the world, knowing that there are others like me makes me feel less rejected. i now realize that though we are few, does not mean we are weird or odd, but that we are special individuals who have the ability to imagine lfe as we would like it.
-- Clare, age 14, email
7.08.2005 the bronte sisters, mister rogers, and mia farrow (I don't think Princess Di should be on the list - I think she's an ISFP)
finally learning at the age of 26 that there's a reason why I need time alone and become drained in social situations was liberating. I'm not "antisocial," I'm an introvert. And there's a reason why I don't speak and write linearly from A-B-C, why I jump around all over the map - I'm "intuitive" not a flake. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive; I get hurt too much. And corporate America doesn't reward INFPs at all.
-- Anne, age 41
7.06.2005 INFP's are beautiful people!!!!! and by beautiful I mean beautiful at heart!! :)
-- Hina
7.03.2005 Since learning I was an INFP four years ago..my perception of whom I am has totally changed. All my life I felt like the odd girl out because I was so emotional, sensitive, and quiet. But at the same time when I was around a good group of friends..I could talk all night and make everyone laugh. I've done theatre/acting/dance most of my life...it was much easier to play a "role" ... then to talk to strangers in a crowded party. I've always hated picking up the phone and calling people. It makes me feel absolutly panicky.
As I've gone through major, life alterting experiences..I've learned to adapt and "put on" extroverted identities. At work, people are shocked that I am an introvert because of my bubbley, fun, zany personality. The truth is after a week of holding up this personality rolem I an drained and need another week to recover!!
I dated an extreme ENFP..for close to a year. We broke up because he was far too clingy, more emotional than me, basically sucked any of the energy, time, and life I had out of me. Now I wonder if I should give dating a fellow introvert a try? All the men I've dating have been extroverted...pehaps I'd find more comfort and easy with an introvert?
I deal with being an introvet mostly through creative ventures such as writing, singing, dance, listening to music, and painting. I've learned my limitations and what is considered normal and abnormal in my life.
I also picked up the book The Introvert Advantage a few months ago. It blew me away!
Now that I've rambled on.. cheers to my fellow infp's. i love you all!-- Melody, age 21, email, website
7.02.2005 Like Albert Schweizer I beleive in the right of all creatures to live. So much of the world's problems could be solved if we accepted the right of all people to live regardless of their race, religion or conflicting values.
Oddly, I'm also a huge Neil Diamond fan. Who would've thought he was a fellow infp. Go figue!Growing up,I was always told by family and peers that I was a"loser" due to the fact that I would rather read and draw instead of play games. I hated parties where there would be other children present because I would be forced into playing some kind of team sport or having to show off some kind of musical ability. Luckily I had a few teachers in high school who encouraged my creative abilities and so I managed to remain somewhat sane throughout my adolescent and teenage years.
Now that I've joined the ranks of Corporate America, I find that my infp ability to empathize has landed me a position in marketing. (I think about what people need and develop products that I think they would want!) While I'm great at seeing what people need, I have trouble when dealing with vendors and doing "sales related" activities: price negotiations, contracts, etc. I read on another site how we "masquerade in our estj business suit" which is exactly what I have to do for a part of the day...afterwards I usally have to step outside for fresh air or sob a little bit in the bathroom since some of the people I deal with are so harsh.
I would rather spend time alone with my own activities than socialize....something that most people don't understand. I can be quite social and entertaining but after a few hours I need to be alone to recharge. I attended a wedding last year where the guests all spent the weekend together. I had to feign sickness in order to escape the activity!
One thing that I hate more than anything else in the world, is having someone at my house when I arrive home from work. After a long day of dealing with people the last thing I want to come home to are more people! Even if I have 15 minutes to myself I'm ok, but having to immediately jump into another social situation frazzles me. Does anyone else feel that way?-- cat, age 30 (no email)
6.23.2005 [I identify with] Mia Farrow, Princess Diana and Albert Schweizer. All three of them are - were - very private people. You could just tell that there was more to the person than what was shown outwardly. I have always felt that way - that I am not able to express who I really am. That there is this other person inside of me that I would like to share with the world, but don't know how.
I, also, want to DO something to give to the world. I am a social work director. I feel I can DO nothing to help people where I am - the rules and regulations keep any true help from occuring. I'm basically a paper pusher
I've known I was an INFP for a long time - but didn't really understand what that meant. We took the MBTI in a college class - the professor told me I must have answered the questions wrong. Later I took the test again, and was STILL an INFP. I think I become MORE INFP as I get older.
Well, thats true and not true. As a child I was So INFP it was amazing. I lived to spend all of my time in a Plum tree. In that tree I was a magical person. I was an Indian Princess, a Jungle Queen, Tinkerbelle, an Angel, etc. I could fly - I could go anywhere I wanted and be anyone I wanted.
plum treeThen school. I learned to conform = to be what I was not. My inside life was so much more than my external one. I could imagaine anything - and it felt real. It became my secret.
But I have always had a difficult time expressing myself to others. I find that people often do not understand what I am trying to say - so I tend to keep trying to explain and drive everyone nuts!
Relationships have been a problem for me because no one ever really knows who I am. Because I am extremely accepting of the other person and believe profoundly in their right to "be who they are", I will compromise myself and lose who I am - until they stumble upon a strong value that I hold. (I can always imagine who they could be better than I can see who they are.)I have been married several times - I have said never again. One husband thought he could tell me what to do - until, it was detrimental to our daughter. One husband thought I was a dependent personality - until I learned about all of his infidelities. And yet, another husband, was alcoholic and thought I would continue trying to"help" him - until he hurt my daughter.
I now don't date. But recently a boyfriend from a long time ago contacted me (He is married and safe!) and I have been able to have very open and real conversations with him - over e-mail of course. This is how I discovered that I COULD share who I am in writing. I have always been able to write, and have used writing as my therapy - but not to others. So even though he will not be a "boyfriend" - he has brough a great gift to me in helping me learn that I CAN share myself in writing.
I have also learned that the "fantasies" and daydreams I have are much more real to me - that reality is. I've always been told that I was a dreamer - and it is true. . My ex-husband (number 2) asked my son which expressway I drove to work - he said "neither, she drives River Road." My Ex answered - "Your mother always did follow her own drummer." I tend to drive the most scenic route, not the quickest or shortest.
I love being an INFP - I feel mystical, enchanted, an extreme romantic, everything that happens is so much more than just reality! So it is a drawback and an incredible gift that I wouldn't change for the world.I cope by having learned to fit in as :normal" - I do things on time, I don't procrastinate, I am sociable around people - even outgoing. But my private time is much richer than my outer life. I MUST have alone time.
My first social work job was with a group that was extremely group oriented - they even had to have their rooms next to each other when we went to trainings out of town. One time mine was on the other side of the hotel. They were going to try to get my room moved next to theirs. I said "I am not so enmeshed that I cannot walk through the breezeway to see you." I loved my room being seperate! When my supervisor finally learned that I was an introvert she did realize that I had probably had a very difficult time with their approach to everything together in teams.
So I am still learning to cope. But the biggest help has been in learning my needs and making sure I take care of them. No one else will - because we;ll never let anyone know what they are!
Also, I have become extremely spiritual - and I love researching all of the different spiritual beliefs.And I am constantly looking for new ways I can share myself - and make a difference. Instead of social work, it may be in the area of spirituality.
ANyway - enough rambling. It is good to be able to send this - with the hope that it may actually be understood.
Thank you.-- LG, age 58
7.01.2005 Being and infp is ok. I think for most of my life I have put that estp coat on. I have been depressed and I have felt lost for a while and I have been looking for something to point me in the right direction to work towards. I'm beginning college soon so I need to find out what career I'm going to have. Luckily it led me to this website and I read as many comments as I could and it reminded me what I wanted to do for my career, change the world somehow. I guess I just have to wait for the right opportunity to present itself. Thank you all so much for commenting! You don't know how much all of your comments helped me. :D
-- Alecia Lee, email
6.29.2005 i understand most of you and i'm so thankful to read your posts! i have a question: do any of you become physically tired fairly easily? if so, how is that related to the infp personality/nature? thank you so much for your help. i'm really struggling with this aspect of who i am right now, because it makes me feel unproductive and lazy. sigh...
-- Anonymous, age 35
WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER YOU BUT NO EMAIL ADDRESS SO IF YOU READ THIS, PLEASE CHECK THIS LINK >>> HEALTH IS A huge ISSUE WITH INTROVERTS (!!!) BECAUSE WE ARE UNDER SO MUCH STRESS LIVING IN A WORLD THAT WORKS AGAINsT US.
6.28.2005 I relate to Kathlyn all to well. I wish I could take her's and all of everybody's awkward feelings, and replace those feelings with a supernatural power -- the kind of power where one can snap his/her fingers and everything would be ok.
I've always been drawn to the archetype of the questing heroine and the fragile poet -- often to my detriment. I'm extremely sensitive and emotional. I also find it very important to be "good" -- when I was a little girl, I got my sense of "goodness" from my religion, and as an adult, I get it from my activism. These things have made my life difficult and painful at times: as a kid, I was called a "crybaby" by adults and peers. My teachers used to take my books away from me at recess so that I would be "forced" to play with the other students. As I got older, I got into fight after fight with people who didn't fit my definition of "goodness" -- my biology teacher, who allowed dissections, the kids in school, who made homophobic jokes, and my father, who had very old-fashioned ideas about "a woman's role".
I'm sure that not all INFPs share my specific values, but I'm sure that we all share this experience of feeling misunderstood. But I also felt powerless to understand the world around me. I had been told over and over that I had "more emotions" than many people, and that I shouldn't force my values on the people around me, but I still didn't understand the seeming insensitivity of the people around me. How could people act with little or no consideration for the feelings of the people around them, when I spent so much time considering the emotions of the people in my life? How could some people go to a party every night of the week, when I felt exhausted after one big night? Why were other people turned off by displays of human suffering, and moved to accuse each other of "playing the victim," whereas I was moved to compassion?
Now that I've gotten into type psychology, it's easier for me to accept myself and others. I try to see value differences as differences in type, and to accept them, even when it's tough for me to see things from the other person's point of view. I even envy rational and outgoing types sometimes. I don't think we should just assign ourselves a "type" and forego all human growth, but it does help to understand that everyone has a unique gift and a special perspective on the world.
-- Sady, age 23, email
6.25.2005 discovered I´m an INFP just a few months ago,actually thanks to my mother who brought home a book about MBTI types.At first I couldn´t believe I can be an INFP but then I read more and more about them and I was just saying to myself:"Yes,this is how I feel,this is what I do." I am keen on writing as many INFPs.I was so startled to read that "INFPs often have unhappy childhood" because this is just what matches my birth chart!And reality:(When I was about six years old I experienced some kind of bullying.I still remember going home from school crying and pleading leave me alone while desperately looking for some help.My parents didn´t do anything though they knew about it.My father even let THAT boy "play" with me in his presence.He could come to our house and my father was talking to him pretending nothing was going on.Well,for him maybe.I think this has really helped a lot in undermining my self-confidence.I often feel like I need some kind of psychotherapy that would help me.I was a quite child with excellent schoolmarks.I didn´t realize my difference that much when I was a child.But now it comes to me stronger and stronger.
I do have deep feelings.Nobody knows about them because you know they´re introverted.I identify with the girl who said "It really bothers me when someone pressures me to give them information about myself..if i wanted to share i would had." I really really hate it as well.I am more reserved than some people would like.I differ in my values so I have to differ in my behaviour.Therefore I´m strange.
I think it´s a great gift to be an INFP.A little bit too often we meet no acceptance of ourselves in this extra-extraverted money-oriented world.
I am so glad to see I am NOT alone.It is very important now when I will have to decide what I want to do with my life.
Thank you all and be proud of being INFPs!
-- Morgan, age 16, email
6.3.2005 Sometimes I hate it but I will always love it.
-- Don, age 25, email
5.31.2005 When I am lost and feel like alone "alien", I am able to come to this webdite. I am comforted by the writings of others. A young had written that his basment is filled with spiders that he will not kill because "they have feelings". I can recall as a child that I would alawys treat my stuffed animals and dolls with kindness. My thought was that they had a secret life once I went to bed. I would always dress them warm. I'd keep the in pairs so that don't would not get lonely. Somedays I feel like conquering the world other days I am not so sure. I honestly believe that we can all exist in harmony. Today I had some money in my purse. I was visting a family who lives in a apartment complex for families in transition. I shared what money I had with the children who had none. I recalled times when I was given something and how wonderful that felt.
-- Lasheda, age 24, email
5.28.2005 Even though on some level I feel, or can feel everything around me I still feel so lonely sometimes. I take this test from time to time, hoping it will change, that I will change. It's difficult to be so sensitive in a world that seems so cold sometimes. I'm recovering, I should add that. Another "bad" breakup with someone I truly wanted to love but who couldn't love me the way I needed them to. I'm a bit depressed, it's been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. Coping, sometimes I think that's all I can do and sometimes not all that well...
-- Michael, age 36
5.26.2005 Although Mohandas Gandhi may not be introverted, his contribution to society is what I so long to do. Although I am quite quiet in nature, my ambition to make a difference in this world far out weighs my need for solitude. I am doing a school project on him at the moment, and his views on untouchability and freedom and equality of all are very influential on my thinking. He is what I aspire to be, and i hope someday i will be talked about just like he is talked about.
I borrowed"Please Understand Me II" from my dad(INTJ), who "borrowed" it from work. It changed my life, and for the better i hope. The problem is, i'm so filled with self-doubt that i keep fighting with myself as to what my type really is--i so want to be an INFP, but i convince myself that i am not a good and selfless enough person to be so. I'm so obsessed with finding who i truly am, or "true self" that i hardly have time to do homework! I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and there is a weight on my shoulders to find a decent job earning a decent wage. I really just want to make a difference in the world: to do my part. To do so though, I must be organized; something i'm indeed lacking.
Hardly anybody seems to understand the conflict within my head. The silence that surrounds me often scares the hell out of anyone who is around me long enough to run out of boring conversation. I find that i'm misunderstood, though i have many friends and no rivals, that is, except my mother. I try to maintain a balance around me, going so far as to imitate my friends personalities to stop conflict.
I trust people, but i can't let them inside until i'm positive they will do no harm. It really bothers me when someone pressures me to give them information about myself..if i wanted to share i would had. Being in a relationship seems impossible, as if i'm doomed. Although i am always given compliments about my exterior, which should be a good thing, it infuriates me that they haven't taken the time to see what's inside. I'm also so quiet that it makes people uncomfortable. I try to think of things to say but there never seems to be common ground. Therefore, i just stare into space, thinking but of nothing at all. I can never make sense of what i'm thinking, and thoughts usually race through my head at record time. either that or i'm thinking nothing at all, lol.
My childhood wasn't as bad as some, but worse than others i suppose. My parents divorced when i was around 6, and although i live with my mother, for some reason i have grown to hate her. Most likely because of her manipulative ways and incapability to see other sides of stories. I spent a lot of time crying when i was little, and my family thought that i was fake crying but in reality i am just overly emotional. My dad is my pillar of strength. No matter what, he does his best to be optimistic, to see everyone in their best light. He has always been the one to support our family financially, and he also is idealistic, giving me a partner in crime to talk about humanity and art and philosophy, and everything in between.
This is really long, i'm so sorry. but reading everyone's point of view on life really helped me. I can actually relate to people! Although i hide it well and fit in with most, i still deep-down feel like an insider. Who knows, maybe i'm not even an INFP, but just wish i were?
Thanks for the website, it's very helpful.-- Tori, age 16, email
5.26.2005 I found out I was an INFP about two months ago and since reading numerous websites and posts describing the features I have felt more at ease with myself. I have been prone to depressions, constant thinking of why do I feel so different to everyone else. Unlike many INFPs though I am not a great writer. My INFP artistic expression strength lies in music. Sport is my other main attribute, but team sports where I have been fortunate enough to excell, have always been painful. Being on a trip away with a group of people for a week or more at a time only served to highlight all my insecruities. The bonding that occurs so quickly in an extraverted team environment, is a confidence and self esteem sapping environment for the INFP. Hopefully one day I can fully accept the INFP world without fighting myself to be more 'out there'. It will be a slow process but already in two months there has been great progress. Cheers to all fellow INFPs, i feel a close connection to that title now. Keep sharing experiences to make us all smile, cry, nod etc in understanding with each other. :)
-- Oze, age 23
5.26.2005 I can Identify with most of these people, especially the writers. I'm not a writer but I certainly share many of their values and interests.
Different! My mother, father and brother are isfj's, and most of my relatives are either SP's or SJ's. It was difficult being an INFP in the deep south, wanting to learn about different people and their culture and beliefs, while being surrounded by SJs and SPs that couldn't understand my "NEED" to explore and to share my views.
I'm still learning to cope. That's why I'm Here.
-- Michael, age 34
5.2.2005 I identify, strangely enough, with Mr. Rogers.
I'll never forget the results of a personality test I took in a college career preparation class years ago. I found out that I was an INFP, the only one in the class, and we had to write a report on which career we liked best off of the list that accompanied our results. The ONLY career listed for INFP's was a Concrete Sculptor (all other personality types had from about 15 -50 careers to choose from)!
[NOTE FROM NANCY: ISN'T THIS UNBELIEVABLE? I WAS TESTED TO BECOME A FILE CLERK.]
Ironically, I would love to be a concrete sculptor at this point...
I was extremely quiet as a child, and although I made excellent grades, I always hated school and missed many days due to stomach aches. After some testing, they found out that I had an ulcer (at age 11), and I had to see a counselor to find out why I feared school. It wasn't that I had a bully picking on me, or a teacher that I hated, but staying home all day seemed much more comfortable, quiet, and inviting.
I had a small circle of close friends, but I would generally hang out alone on recess. I still remember a specific swing I would rush to every day in 1st grade, and watch the other kids play kickball, etc. As I got older, I made more friends and would usually play one-on-one instead of in large groups.
In high school I went through a major rebellion - grew my hair very long, played guitar in a band, drove an old car with colored spray paint all over it - I actually enjoyed drawing attention to myself, even though I was very shy. In college I became a little more outgoing, partly due to it being a small and more personal school. I was still an INFP.
Currently I have been married for 8 years to an extroverted woman who needs me to spend as much time with her as I need time alone. She loves to socialize, but I am happy to work on my own projects at home. The way we have lasted together with these opposite goals is purely through compromise. She gives me my alone time and I try to be social once in a while.
We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and I see her personality growing every day. I'm afraid she'll be taking after her dad, seeing how she would cling to me at the neighbor girl's birthday party while the other little kids trashed around and made noise. She was perfectly happy playing silently with a dollhouse next to me. She does well if there is only one or two other kids, and if things are somewhat subdued. The neighbors have implied on several occasions that we need to encourage her to be more outgoing, assertive, people-friendly, etc. (like their domineering little girl), but I think (and my outgoing wife agrees) that she is perfect the way she is. After all, I was the exact same way!
I think I might be the classic INFP. My basement is infested with spiders because I KNOW they have feelings, too - I have even named a couple of them that have had webs in the same spot - and I refuse to kill them (a sore spot with my wife!). I have pages and pages of poetry and song lyrics I have written over the years.
I identify with all of the posts here and am glad I found this resource. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.
Brad, age 36
Yes, I identify with ~ Hans Christian Andersen, JFK (he and his wife were also INFPs)
As with so many of the other entries, life has been a fascinating challenge. My health was an issue since birth, although it came to fruition during pregancy. Since that time, I work to restore my body. At 50, it is on a backslide. So, I accept it, learn how to deal with the outcome, and move on...
Given that, the other interesting piece is that I am also an Indigo ~ is that true of most INFPs?
I chose a career in teaching ~ as I found it was the greatest place to create peace. As I guided students, they explored their own cultures & view points, as well as those of others. I see all people as equal ~ which is very different than our elitist society.
I would love to have a group of INFP friends ~ as I think the peaceful energy would be invigorating. Since that hasn't occured to date, I have found other coping mechanisms.
Right now, I am writing a book about a group of young slaves running from Missouri to Canada on the Underground Railroad. That allows me to voice my beliefs that we must look at the similarities of people/cultures rather than seeking the differences. Further, it shows what can happen when diverse groups of people work together for the greater good of others. I am a grad student at Spalding University ~ and hope to write a story about Custer's Last Stand, from the Native American perspective and one about the current geneocide in Africa from a minority perspective.
Another coping strategy is being OK with seeking time alone. The last few years have been emotionally challenging ~ for a variety of reasons. I find myself refusing parties and social settings because they drain me. While my extroverted friends think I am standoffish ~ I realize that is from a lack of understanding. Few people see isolation as healthy ~ but for me, it truly is. During time alone, it doesn't matter what I do, just that I am not around others.
Finally, I find true peace within nature. Whether standing in the middle of the woods or sitting in a boat on the middle of a lake ~ just getting away from the sounds of cars, machines, and people is wonderful.
Thank you so much for asking us to share our experiences. We must continue to do the work we were meant to do ~ despite opposition from anyone that is intolerant or unable to understand.
As JFK suggested, we things as they can be and ask why not. Then, we do it.
-- DeAnn, age 50
Many of these people - Pricess Di, Homer, Mary, and Shakespeare really stick out - seem to have a running theme of tragedy in their lives. It is this deep internal pain, I think, that gives them such insight and compassion.
I read the blurbs on here and I see a similar theme - compassionate, loving people whose lives have been affected in some way by some tragic event. I can definitely see the same in myself and, in this way, can relate (identify?) with the people on the list.
There's so much that I read here that rings true - feeling compelled to put on the ENTJ overcoat, being considered a"fag", feeling incredible isolation - yet the biggest problem I've faced is the extent to which I get overwhelmed by people. Not because of my own social anxiety (which exists, but is fairly light), but because I get enveloped in the moods and attitudes of those around me. I feel almost like a psychic sponge, constantly reading people and internalizing their emotions. As such, I think my biggest coping mechanism is to try to shut people out - to enter into my own cerebral world of music and INFP websites, away from the threat of absorption.
This, I think, is unhealthy. What good is isolation for someone with deep compassion? It might keep me from being overwhelmed, but it sucks the meaning out of life. One of my other INFP friends (perhaps my only INFP friend) takes a different approach. She actively engages the emotions of others, trying to extract from them the underlying issues that are causing them. Some may say that she is trying to "solve" other peoples' problems... and it may be true to an extent. But I think she also does it to protect herself, because if she can engage with the heart of the other, then the emotions become an external object, and are not internalized. If they are feared and avoided, the effect is that much greater when they seep through the shell.
-John, age 21
5.2.2005 dunno kinda weird
-- M , age 15
5.2.2005 Same ol' childhood story I've read above, so I've had the "swan amongst geese" feelings.
I'm older than a lot of you, I've noticed. Being a breast cancer survivor has probably helped me to confront my weaknesses (not my strengths, amazingly) and now I'm able to at least not cry at every single thing! LOL Also, I'm a bit more rational about my feelings and am learning to accept facts and situations before my intuition kicks in. I now use my intuition more as the final coin on the scale, that tips the decision-making process for me. I don't know if this is age or experience or what but it sure makes life easier than it was. Phew.
I'm a musician and a student (social work). I'm finding being an INFP to be challenging when faced with certain situations, such as promoting a CD or singing in front of large groups. I'm lucky that I've had to develop some basic social skills and combining that with INFP self-confidence in our value systems allows me to be outgoing enough to tolerate large groups now. Yippee!
I know some of you are in pain because there are so few of us and it's our nature to want to bond with the entire planet (or at least get them to see our values are better than theirs, lol). I can empathize with your loneliness and panic, the constant push-pull of needing to be alone while needing to help others. We're a funny lot, aren't we?
Still, I like to think (because I'm INFP! LOL) that there's a reason there're so few of us. Either we'd drive the planet off the deep end or we're here to actually make a difference.
A long time ago, a minister I know once called me a "prophet". I think he meant us all, really. When you think about it, what do we know about prophets?1. There weren't that many.
2. They could see things coming before anyone else.
3. They always told the truth, in a kind way.
Well, there ya go then. I'm not much of a Christian but I have a strong spiritual yearning for the great Something out there. But if I was a Christian or any other religion, I'd say we're the prophets of our time.
Likely, we might get stoned occasionally but at least we tried to keep the peace, lol!
-- Hope, age 45
5.2.2005 Yes, I identify with the people above a lot. There were so many that I haven't read all the entries. It would take me forever to respond to each of them.
As a kid I used to get picked on all the time because I wore a leg brace that made me walk funny. I fell in love with books and reading, had a vey small circle of close friends, and a vivid imagination. I was a model student and loved pleasing my teachers but to this day I still hate direct praise and public attention. I am skilled in music and literature like creating poetry, but I do not like the spotlight.
I was always good in math and physics as well and literature and language classes in high school. I enjoyed history but struggle with it because I am horrible at remembering dates and names. I liked the storytelling of history but failed miserably at the details.
I tend to trust people easily but it takes a long time for me to let someone close to me. My coworkers call me "bubbly" but I really have to work hard to project that image. I'd rather work alone.
Currently I'm a college student majoring in industrial engineering. I'm a sophomore right now. I liked it at first and was a farily studious pupil but now it doesn't appeal to me at all. It's too mathy and boring and my classmates have very overbearing and dominat personalities. The courses are highly technical and by the book. There isn't enough room for creativity and taking a different approach to solving many problems isn't encouraged.
I feel like I'm in the wrong major, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I once dreamed of being a writer or a teacher--english or math or something, but preferably with smaller class sizes or where I can work with them closer to one on one--but I'm scared to change at this point. I'm keep second guessing myself thinking that I'm just being flighty or that I'll change my mind too many times and get my parents annoyed with me.
I tend to be the "resident secret keeper"in my small circle of friends. Friends feel comfortable telling me things that they don't tell anyone else, knowing that I'm trustworthy, care about their issue, and will give them completely honest feedback in a gentle manner. Sometimes I wish I weren't everyone's confidant though, because I have to manage my own hang ups in addition to everyone elses. I find it hard to share my problems and concerns even though I find it easy to take on someone else's.
I try to force myself to share my problems with a close friend when things get too heavy for me, and I keep a journal for all the stuff in between.
My greatest release is when I'm alone and pen a really great poem.
People tend to find and attach themselves to me instead of the otehr way around. It hasn't been uncommon for a total stranger to hit on me in the elevator. It's flattering, and makes me feel good about myself, so over the years I've learned to flirt back and have had a fair number of "significant others"but as soon as the other person starts pushing me to open up the peices of myself that am not ready to open I pull back and the relationship dies. I hate it when someone assumes too much about me or has justified expections of who I am. I've been called a "muse" an "untouchable prize" and an "enigma" by my EXes.
My secret life aspiration is to open up a quirky little used bookstore and coffee house. It'll have space for games like chess and cards, inspiring artwork on the walls, and tasty yet beautiful home-baked deserts for sale.-- Bryna, age 20
5.1.2005 Of course I identify!
For me I identify with everyone and everything around me. All things hold an insight into my human capacity for both love and hatred, fear and desire. Because of this I have always been less judgemental (in a personal way) than most people. I have learned to cope by tapping into my potential and taking risks to be more extraverted. For example I suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia but I still perform in public often with my own plays in front of large crowds. Exhausting but necessary to overcome some of fears of public humiliation.
As a result at 33 I feel very comfortable in front of a crowd but it does drain my energy. I write everyday, draw pictures as an outlet for feelings which overwhelm me. Making expressive visual art gives me a place for feelings and insights the majority of the world rejects.
I also cope by reading mythology, Carl Jung, and other intuitive writers who reveal things that are eternal and not temporal. In otherwords things that die are reborn, I and the other are one, from the wound springs forth the redeemer. Knowing these things to be true helps me cope with change and loss, and to know it as an illusion of a greater field of what is real.
I feel it is important for an INFP to seek out mentors who affirm them. if not in person then through a book. James Joyce has been a big affirmation for me, as well as Paul Klee, John Cage, Joseph Beuys (enfp), and Jung (intp). I think the best coping mechanism for me is to continually grow in acceptance of whwt the world is. Death is part of life, pain and suffering gives birth to awarness and conciousness, All things are as they should be.
-- Matthew, age 33
4.30.2005 I feel obliged to post something, having read this awesome show of support my fellow infp's wrote.
Firstly, if you're feeling down about the sometimes rollercoaster nature of an infp life... and the horrible dips... know that you are also more likely to experience more pleasure than most other people. You got lucky, you and me are on a rare trip of a life, destined to have anything but a small journey in the end.I know in America these days, the social climate has turned to hate against the individual, and scorn for the artist. You have always derived your being from something more than other people, so don't start listening to their garbage now... just you watch, they are going to be seen as an incredibly shameful, abusive, goose steppingly cruel generation in the history books. Don't let that nonsense cause you to suppress your natural infp inclinations. You are normal, and you can live the life that fits your definitions of normal. Trying to make consessions will just frustrate, repress, and cause all sorts of issues.
So go for it! You love humanity, you have a keen creative eye for the depths of realization, you want fun, spontaniety, introverted reflection, joy, human rights, respect, and the whole nine yards. There's nothing stopping you from living up to yourself and being happy, so do so my friends!
-- T , age 24
4.26.2005 I have always felt so alone as an INFP. I always hated that I am such an emotional person, and that I need other people to be close to me. I always identify with other people, and I easily cry when I watch terrible stories on the news etc. Its so weird to read about all of you. I have always tried to fit in with ESTJs and be very outgoing and thoughtless, but other people matter so much to me. I really want to help people, and morality and ethics matter so much to me. I was reading about the guy who took the officer test, i was in rotc, and I also was the only INFP, everyone was an ESTJ. I am still considering joining the military, but I somehow have a feeling that I will always be on the outside. I'm sure I'd be the one sympathizing with all the people I meet.
I totally identify with all these people.
INFP, oh, the alienation.
-- Anonymous
4.25.2005 I've thought about how to write this for a little bit. I'm still trying to be open minded and accept my true talents versus what the world wants me to be. My childhood could have been better. I used to worry a lot even though my parents were very loving toward me in a house of great marital tension. I would always end up in the middle, either trying to reconcile or pick sides (usually the latter). Until I was about 9 yrs old my mother would always confide in me as far as her issues with Dad. I guess even then it was easy for people to talk to me about their problems. She was pretty pissed when I finally told her, "I'm not one of your girlfriends so stop telling me junk about Dad."
All-in-all life is very good. It's just an adventure trying to find my strengths. I guess I have always known I'm a little different than the rest. It feels good to grow but also realize I'm not the project I once thought I was. But it is hard to find your niche in this world. I'm all for capitalism, but I don't think the corporate structure is geared toward INFPs.
I'm going to stop before I start really rambling. It feels good to talk about this stuff because most of my friends wouldn't be too responsive. I really enjoyed reading everyone's postings and appreciate the website!
I can definitely relate to the person who said "Most people think I'm a fag or a wimp". I used to get that until my middle 20's, even though I have always been athletic in basketball and track and followed sports more than most guys. I would describe myself as manly but not macho. I also realize starting in high school through their mid-20's guys go on a kick about that stuff.
-- Scott
4.25.2005 My throat is in pain, my eyes turn red, and often wet my pillow with tears every night just because I saw world conditions and mankind behaviours nowadays. but above all else, the most painful thing is that i unable to change those which I have seen. Those which i cannot stand to see.
it's confusing to be infp. I suffer a lot because of this orientation, i'm confuse, but i don't want to change. I don't like extrovert, but I love them, I want to help them and share my silent, rich inner world.
-- Ais, age 21
4.25.2005 had stumbled across the MB test several months ago, and I had never learned so much about myself since then. It has been difficult being an INFP living in a house of extroverts. My mother is an extrovert, and so is my twin sister. Growing up in a family of realists was difficult, and now in the middle of my teenage years, feelings are clashing, as College draws nearer and I am receiving mixed suggestions for what I should do with my life. My need to please people always caused me to lean on a person's suggestion or want, regardless of what I would really want to do.
However, as more and more people are asking me what career I would want, and family members intructing me to hold a steady office job, I find it more easier to look at my own type and know what I myself would want. When someone asks me "What do you want to do with your life?" I am inclined to reply "A writer, or an actress" but now I see myself replying simply "I want to change the world" This statement has given me perplexed looks, or laughs.
But I see myself impacting change, and equality, helping people. However, my quiet nature has earned me comments such as "You just sit there and do not do anything, lazy people do not get anywhere" or "You cant even clean your room, what are you going to do with your life?"I am not lazy. I am thinking. I can sit down on my couch and dream and live in my thoughts all day long. In that sense, I am doing something, and in the long run, it is probably more useful than vaccuming and propping the pillows on the couch. Dreaming is magnificent and hard work, and everyone is entitled to it.
Sometimes I feel as though my worse enemy is myself. I am battling with myself every single day. I kick myself when I cannot help a friend, or I lose a contest, or I am not perfectly friendly at any point during the day. If I do not do those things, I am an awful person, I will be going to hell, I let the entire world down. The guilt had caused me to distress, and then I would feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I suppose this is the burden that we must fight when we are INFP's. But burdens are a gift, because we can overcome them and come out stronger. Being gifted with a vibrant imagination, a chivalrous and noble outlook on good vs. evil, the will to fight for other people, what can be more productive than that?
-- Liz, age 16
4.25.2005 It is hard to be an INFP. I am easily taken advantage of because i don't want to hurt others. I seek intimate conversation but I usually get superficial conversation. There are times when I have high confidence thus will attempt to be an extrovert. Usually that drains my energy. I am in a helping professional. I work with individuals with severe mental illness. I am looking for another job hopefully not in social work. My clients pain becomes my own. Recently social service agencies have been going through a rough time so the bottom line matters. Money and helping just do not mix:) I am frequently called "idealistic". I dream for big things but I keep them to myself. I encourage all other INFP's to embrace the way we are in the world. Let's all vow to never let the world keep us from dreaming.
I identify with everyone. I am a definite INFP. I am ultra sensitive and I have a strong sense of empathy. Sometimes I try to mix with others who are different but eventually my "weirdness" peeks out. I have a wild imagination so I am frequently smiling.
-- Lasheda, age 23
4.25.2005 Up to now it has been hard for me to be an INFP without being aware of it... my father is an ENTJ! I think you can somehow imagine how it has been for me. I admired him very much during my childhood and youth and tried to deny my "weakness". I liked to be alone often reading novels and books on psychology, philosophy and whatnot... :-), writing diary or just dreaming. Dad didn´t like my softness. it hurted very much when he mocked me while I was crying. He always wanted to "support" me. he was very much concerned about my performance at school so I did much to be good at every subject. I liked studying, but wasn´t able to see what are my preferences. My mother is an ISFJ. I never had a strong relationship to her since she was too practically thinking for me and after all, dad dominated everything. I learned to think in his categories of right and wrong and to make decisions following his way of strategic thinking and only to a small degree followed my own feelings. I decided not to study psychology or humanities because I was afraid I wouldn´t be able to earn my living in these times of high unemployment. This way I ended up studying the wrong subject (computer science). Somehow I liked the studies, because I liked the kind character of my fellow students and because I liked learning. but actually I am not much interested in technical problems and would never be a good engineer.
In my youth I started to have deep fulfilling relationships to a few close friends which helped me a lot. It´s true. it can be so joyful and funny to be an INFP when I meet people who accept me the way I am. I actually had discovered that I´m lesbian ten years ago and had been deeply but unhappily in love with a girl who I think is an ENTP. I was unable to talk about my feelings to anyone. instead I suppressed them and then had a relationship to a man which didn´t fulfill me.
My life started to change for good when I got to know my present girl friend who is ESFJ. Our relationship is very special. we haven´t met personally yet, since we are living very far apart. We are communicating via internet chat. She really accepts and encourages me. I was able to find out truth about myself by writing to her and finally, I was able to admit to myself that I´m just not made to be an engineer. Still, I had the problem that I wasn´t able to accept the way I am and felt depressed, until I made the Myers-Briggs test this week. it has been a revelation to me! The second revelation was when I let my dad do the test and found out that he´s ENTJ. (Some time ago I had started to argue with him very much, but realized that I just wasn´t able to stand up to him. he´s like a hard rock. if you try to attack him with arrows they bounce at his surface and return to hurt yourself.) And the third revelation I got yesterday when I discovered what´s my task in life: I will be a therapist, especially I want to help children and their parents with their interpersonal problems.I identify with all above. It´s so good to hear of you all! Of course, everyone of us is an indivual and in addition, has made different experiences. Especially I feel with Max who has tried to be an engineer and the anonymous posting from 11.05.2004 who discovered that he lives a wrong life... it´s never too late for a change... maybe the time is just not yet right for you...
- Stephanie, age 27
4.25.2005 In addition to those reactions, I'd like to add what Christina said, about wondering if she would end up happy in the fields of law and politics. I've never followed the traditional professional channels that seem to be associated with INFPs, like psychology or social work. I suppose I'm something of the odd one out, because I've always been most interested in science. I'm in college, and already have an associates' in GIS and was a Natural Resources major for a bachelors'until recently. I eventually realized I wouldn't be happy in the long run with Natural Resources and switched over to Geology, which I hope to follow into Oceanography. Yes, I love to write, and for some (annoying) reason upon seeing one of my drawings the big bad "everyone" continually tell me I should be an artist, and are shocked and shaken if I tell them, as politely as I can, that being an artist is not what I want the most. For one thing, it seems like it would take the fun away from drawing, painting, metalworking - whatever artistic activity you used to do for fun and would end up doing to support yourself. For another thing, and this is just how it looks from my outlook (I'm not trying to put down other people's viewpoints), but science seems to be the best way to help the most people, the way art does at a different link in the chain. Science is how people find out how our world, and the universe beyond, work; how things intertwine, before they head for art and its interpretation. It seems like art needs science to get its initial boost before it can take off for itself.
OK, I'll get off my soapbox. Well, before I step off completely, I'd just like to add one more thing: saying that someone who is an INFP is predestined to become one of x,y, and z things seems to collide with the concept that, as INFPs, we are individuals and we go out own ways, and that doing what we think is right is what directs us. Sure, by nature these professions may be the suits that fit the greatest number of us the closest, but I don't think these parameters should be constraining factors. It seems like those old saws you hear about "Well, if you're good at science, you must be good at math!"or"You're such a good drawer, you must be great at writing!". These characteristics might be the most common combination you find skills in, but the fact that they're the most common sets does not mean that the potentiallity having other sequences is mutually exclusive.
I thought for I while I should be an artist, just like when I thought I should go into Natural Resources. With both cases, I realized I was making myself unhappy contemplating the idea of spending my life in these areas. When I finally realized I should head the direction of what I've been interested in all my life, I realized that I was suddenly happy about the whole idea of what I may be able to contribute. I hadn't been before. Sure, it may turn out that I was wrong, as it is possible to be wrong in all things, but I think I'm right in saying that just being fundamentally happy about the idea of something you are trying to do is the best of signs you've got it right.
Like I answered the last guy who told me I should be an artist, and asked me why I wasn't doing what I ("obviously") wanted to be doing, I replied "I am, aren't I?"What struck a chord most true with me in reading these responses was how so many people spoke of simply wanting to be alone sometimes. I used to reproach myself for wanting to be alone so much; that if I ever really got my way I'd end up regretting it, and never being around another person again. I've trended to both sides, wanting to be alone and wanting to be around people more. However, I still feel that I could be very happy living and working alone, doing what I want to do how I want to do it. Often, I feel that I would be the happiest living like that.
I like Cheryl's comment about never even killing a bug. I get a lot of strange looks when I catch insects that have strayed inside and release them out of doors - so they won't get squashed by some crazy person.-- Mercedes, age 21
4.25.2005 I'm blessed. My mother is an ENFJ and my father is an INTP, so I didn't have much trouble accepting myself and being unique. I learned from my mother that people are valuable because they are different and that being unique is a good thing. Without this lesson, I doubt I would have had an easy time in my life. I've learned to balance my feeling with thought and analysis, accepting myself but staying alert to the character pitfalls of my personality.
I as a small child I also expressed a great interest in story telling, which is my main form of escapist therapy today. I wrote and illustrated one page stories not long after I learned how to write. I invented elaborate stories with whole acts, and when my brother was bored, I'd invent stories where he could make choices that affected the rest of the story.
I've had an affinity for many of the famous INFPs and fit the description of an INFP very well. Most of my life I've been peculiar. In school I often didn't have friends. I spent time with other kids who were "undesirable" outcasts, and I discovered I could make people feel good. This became a little mission of mine, and the way I met one of my best friends in school.
I can identify with fears of being alone that many INFPs experience, and have been slowly pushing myself out of my shell for several years. I'm happy to say have no problem starting a conversation with others anymore. I can also identify with feelings of depression and worthlessness, which I am currently struggling with due to unemployment.- April, age 24
4.25.2005 whow....I think I have just been on the receiving end of an epiphany! I just found out that I'm an INFP, I'm 41 and have always said "it's not me it's all the others!" Well it is me and vive la difference! Max you are spot on, 22 years an aircraft engineer good at what I did but oh so unhappy....six months selling crystals and healing /touching people and I am finally finding out that I'm not a loner I just need space, time and love...thank you for setting up this board and to everyone who has submitted their thoughts.
Love light and peace.
-- J, age 41
4.20.2005 I guess I would identify with The Bard, Emily Bronte and Oscar Wilde the most, since I'm a writer. It seems to hit me in my face everyday that I'm meant to write about the world and my interpretation of it. Giving blind eyes a light to see through my obsession with fiction and diction.
I can't help but wear rose colored glasses because pink is more gorgeous than the grey mist of death and destruction that lie at reality's base. I'm a pacificist who values life inherently and externally, and often admire and crave peace, feng shui, easy living and avoiding responsibility as much as possible. I'm a cuspy Scorpio/Sagittarius and my moon is in Pisces, so go figure. lol. According to my family I've always had a fascination with fantasy, sci-fi and dreamland, being the one of the only 2 yr old's obsessed with Dr. Who on TV. I cry when I see starving children in the world and hope I can do missionary work one day, and heal them. Healing the world through touch and word is my mission and I believe my God-given gift. Oh boy, I'm talking way too much. I guess I find being an INFP like living inside a bubble. The air is pure, the lighting is perfect and I get to see the world, but not understand it, at least not the way others do. I see the clouds as castles and stars as shrines to the celestial gods.
To sum up, life is grand in my own world of wonder and wanderment, but it's lonely on this side of the quantam universe. I wish someone else could walk this path with me.-- Christine, age 22
4.7.2005 It's like you walk around wearing your superfriends outfit under your 'normal' clothes all day long, wondering if you can tell anyone what your real powers are. It's being the only person in the room whose mind wanders to distant planets and purple dragons when the speaker drones on for too long. It's sitting at the back of the room and writing short stories because you got everything out of the class you were going to get in the first few minutes. (In other words, if it interests us we didn't need much explanation. It if doesn't, no amount of explanation is going to help.)
I cope by using my powers for good. I went from zero to hero at the age of 17 by learning that there are a limited number of"social scripts" that can be used to deal with people (thank God for that restaurant hosting job). It took me from shy, awkward agoraphobic teenager to an adult that is perceived as outgoing and friendly (even though social situations actually make me cringe). I'm able to parlay my "F" warmth and empathy into what they call "winning presentations".
But I really just want to travel to distant planets and ride purple dragons. So, basically, as an INFP my most fervent wish is to not HAVE to "cope"!
"He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men."
Wow. That's amazing. That is everything that my soul has yearned for. Sometimes I don't feel a whole lot like an INFP since I work in an ESTJ world (for a comptroller) and sometimes I'm really *good* at it. I can be as E S T or J as I need to be for my job, so then I start to look at the other types. But I always end up realizing that ultimately this is where I fit best. That as an INFP I have a capacity for flexibility, role-playing, and using my empathy to read my audience and give them what they want. Guess what? It makes me tired.
After reading all of the posts for the different types here I can see that the INFP page writers are definitely my "peeps" and I'm happy to be here. The runner up type for me is INTP because I can be very analytical, and I test right on the border between T/F. But I definitely care about people more than logic. But I get along very well with my INTP boss.
As to who I identify with, can't we get Oscar Wilde on the list? I love writers with wit and humor covering a deep pathos and sensitive understanding of human nature. Wilde was a master of that. One of his quotes is, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." What could be more INFP than that?-- Sue London, age thirtysomething http://cmdrsue.blogspot.com
3.31.2005 In addition to those reactions, I'd like to add what Christina said, about wondering if she would end up happy in the fields of law and politics. I've never followed the traditional professional channels that seem to be associated with INFPs, like psychology or social work. I suppose I'm something of the odd one out, because I've always been most interested in science. I'm in college, and already have an associates' in GIS and was a Natural Resources major for a bachelors'until recently. I eventually realized I wouldn't be happy in the long run with Natural Resources and switched over to Geology, which I hope to follow into Oceanography. Yes, I love to write, and for some (annoying) reason upon seeing one of my drawings the big bad "everyone" continually tell me I should be an artist, and are shocked and shaken if I tell them, as politely as I can, that being an artist is not what I want the most. For one thing, it seems like it would take the fun away from drawing, painting, metalworking - whatever artistic activity you used to do for fun and would end up doing to support yourself. For another thing, and this is just how it looks from my outlook (I'm not trying to put down other people's viewpoints), but science seems to be the best way to help the most people, the way art does at a different link in the chain. Science is how people find out how our world, and the universe beyond, work; how things intertwine, before they head for art and its interpretation. It seems like art needs science to get its initial boost before it can take off for itself.
OK, I'll get off my soapbox. Well, before I step off completely, I'd just like to add one more thing: saying that someone who is an INFP is predestined to become one of x,y, and z things seems to collide with the concept that, as INFPs, we are individuals and we go out own ways, and that doing what we think is right is what directs us. Sure, by nature these professions may be the suits that fit the greatest number of us the closest, but I don't think these parameters should be constraining factors. It seems like those old saws you hear about "Well, if you're good at science, you must be good at math!" or " You're such a good drawer, you must be great at writing! These characteristics might be the most common combination you find skills in, but the fact that they're the most common sets does not mean that the potentiallity having other sequences is mutually exclusive.
I thought for I while I should be an artist, just like when I thought I should go into Natural Resources. With both cases, I realized I was making myself unhappy contemplating the idea of spending my life in these areas. When I finally realized I should head the direction of what I've been interested in all my life, I realized that I was suddenly happy about the whole idea of what I may be able to contribute. I hadn't been before. Sure, it may turn out that I was wrong, as it is possible to be wrong in all things, but I think I'm right in saying that just being fundamentally happy about the idea of something you are trying to do is the best of signs you've got it right.
Like I answered the last guy who told me I should be an artist, and asked me why I wasn't doing what I ("obviously") wanted to be doing, I replied "I am, aren't I?".
What struck a chord most true with me in reading these responses was how so many people spoke of simply wanting to be alone sometimes. I used to reproach myself for wanting to be alone so much; that if I ever really got my way I'd end up regretting it, and never being around another person again. I've trended to both sides, wanting to be alone and wanting to be around people more. However, I still feel that I could be very happy living and working alone, doing what I want to do how I want to do it. Often, I feel that I would be the happiest living like that.
I like Cheryl's comment about never even killing a bug. I get a lot of strange looks when I catch insects that have strayed inside and release them out of doors - so they won't get squashed by some crazy person.-- M, age 21
3.13.2005 Being an infp to me has been both ecstasy and tragedy. I love being able to see connections in the simplist of things that turn out to be so profound. Telling a friend that she is a deep well from which I draw refreshment. Touching the thorns of an elegant rose and seeing the pricking issues, and delicate fragility of a person fighting for beauty, with petals that blow so easily away in the cold winds of life.
It really has been difficult for me when I am around others. There are precious few I can truly identify with. I see things so metaphorically that I appear flighty to many people around me, and when someone is trying to explain something to me that has to do technical issues or some other issue that I couldn't care less about, I just naturally glaze over and fly away to other worlds. This can be so infuriating to some people because I often ask them to repeat themselves. I just get lost in thought so easily, and they can't seem to understand that sometimes.
I cope with being an infp by enjoying it as a God-given uniqueness. It's a trait that other personality types, "Especially most extroverted types" find un-necessary, and even un-desirable. But, to me it's a Gift.
That's why I have said that extreme realists are the ones living in wishful thinking while dreamers build the world we live in. If everyone listened to the extreme realist (No implication towards the normal realist)... we would all be living in caves. That is what trusting only in what the natural eyes can see will do to us.
So, we need to dream:)I can Identify with Shakespeare because of his insights and dramatizations about the human condition. I also Identify with Hans Christian Andersen because because I absolutely love combining rich fantasy and metaphor to tell common truths in such un-common ways. I identify with Mary the mother of God as well, because I know what it is like to carry within me a Treasure that saves the world, and yet everyone around me sees only the simple virgin.
-- Gary, age 31
3.08.2005 I hit upon your website by accident because I was looking for this wonderful quote b Jackie Kennedy: "if you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much". And then I started reading on. I had done the Myers Brigg test many years ago, but forgot about it.
So many things hit home now! The dark side I have, but good always triumphs. I am an eternal optimist, and believe I can pull myself through the most difficult times but always looking forward (and I have been through hard times). I have a wandering mind, it drives me crazy! And it drives other people crazy too. But perhaps I should just accept that.
Lots of people think I'm an extrovert, because I love organizing social gatherings, I love to cook for people. But then I just want to sit back and enjoy in a quiet corner. Just seeing these people happy is all I want. I love giving energy to others, I'm always very enthousiastic.
I love being "together alone", meaning being in the presence of someone I care about, without acutally doing something together. Even my kids sometimes tire me wanting to do things "together". I just want to be around them. That's all.
What I hate most is feeling obliged to participate in a conversation. I just like to listen. But then I feel like I am a person without something to say, even stupid. But I just want to save my words for when they are important.
I love writing. I love writing long emails to the people I care about. With my ex-boyfriend, the problem for him seemed to be that we "weren't able to talk". It felt like a pressure to produce words. Thought he is an introvert too (I wouldn't know which type though). ANd I guess it is just a pre-conceived idea that unless you can talk for hours, something must be wrong! ANd then I think of this really great quote: "the best conversation ever: the best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, and swing with, and never say a word, and then walking away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had" And that is me!!!
I think I am quite social. ANd at times love having people around me. But then all of sudden it is enough, and please get out of my sight! Yes, I have kicked people out, because I wanted to be left alone now! I get exhausted after spending time in a group of people. It really drains me.
About the coming out part, do you actually tell people that you are an introvert. And hey, you won't be forced anymore to produce words. But you'll happily listen, and watch and enjoy!
-- Anonymous
3.08.2005 I read all the posts and feel like i have just found my long lost extended family. Rachel (age 21) your words are so accurate its scary! To Zo, when people get to know me they are so shocked that I am so funny and they didn't realize it sooner!
I am an INFP and a pisces. Talk about drowning in your inner emotions! I discovered MBTI when I went through a major depression/identity crisis in college. My life had no meaning. I felt there was no point to higher education-it was just a mill turning people out with degrees for pointless jobs- not a shining temple of worldly knowledge like I had always fantasized about. I was failing my classes. I was afraid no one would ever see inside me to the real stuff...my passions, my inner sanctum of emotion and thought. I went to counseling at my school and met my mentor. I found out I was INFP, (he was an INTP). I found myself going to his office to shoot the breeze and felt light and exhilarated after our 21/2 hour sessions. He understood me, or in reality I was understandable. I learned in his office to pay attention to myself, to be able to vocalize my strengths and be gentle about my weaknesses. I learned how figure out what I want and ask for it. I am a functioning adult, although sometimes I don't know how I fool everybody. When I start feeling upset I check that I am in touch with the meaning in my life and that I have enough alone time to recharge my batteries. I also am making a career in a worthwhile field-art. If I ever come across other introverts I always say hi.
-- Ally, age 24
3.08.2005 I can identify with all... I am now 50 years old and did not disscover I was INFP until I was in my 40's. It is important for the younger INFPs to realize that they are not alone and to realize their strengths and unique qualities. They should also be aware of the careers and professions that suit our personality. I struggled many years in the corporate world without much success because I was not 'designed' to fit in that world. The careers that are described in Meyers-Briggs and Keirsey are more suited for us. Find one (or more) of those and pursue it. I wish I had known earlier.... I would not have spent 25 years as an Engineer.
-- Max, age 50
2.22.2005 i took my first personality test about an hour ago... and i've been reading about infp personalities ever since. like many have mentioned in this forum, i felt a wave of relief (even chills and a tear or two) while learning that there are others who feel the way i do. it's a great feeling!
unfortunately, i have not done a very good job of 'learning to cope,' but i do remain optimistic that i'll find my niche in the world.
i was a very sensitive and shy boy who always felt ashamed of not being wild and free like the other kids... although there was an underlying feeling that i was better than them. i knew i was different, but it is very frustrating living in a world that favors the 'other' personality types. people automatically assumed I had nothing to offer, when in fact i felt like i had more to offer than most.
unfortunately, i latched on to the biggest jerks in school and served as their sidekicks. i wasted a lot of my time observing and predicting their behaviors from an almost scientific viewpoint. i would wonder how a person could be so outgoing, charismatic, or stupid. i knew i was selling myself out, even at a very young age. it tooks its toll on my self esteem. i still want to be like the other kids (im 33 now), and in my world that means fitting into the corporate world as a man of confidence and strength. (whatever that means, i just made it up). i have been beating myself up for years, battling depression, trying to reinvent myself, etc. i feel a great sense of hope that i will accept who i am and find a path that helps me be true to myself. thanks for running this website!
-- Anonymous
2.20.2005 I am home. After reading some of the entries [below] I feel understood in a way that I have longed for my entire life. I have felt different, even special, since as far back as I can remember. My childhood was not perfect but ok. I always felt loved by my parents, but at the same time I felt completely ignored and misunderstood.
I remember as a child having a strong sense of individuality but I was too shy to talk about the thoughts I had or the things I wanted. On the inside I felt like a beautiful flower that had gone virtually ignored by the sunshine and the rain and yet somehow was still alive and more vibrant than ever.
Sometimes I get sad because we all have our own garden of weeds, but the difference between them and me is that , good or bad, I will still see their beautiful flower and they can't see past my garden of weeds.
Until happening upon this website I used books, movies, poetry, and music to make me feel "connected" to the outside world . It's sooo nice to know I am not alone..for once in my life!! J
I am so happy to have found this website. Thanks so much.-- Kelly, age 28
2.14.2005 It was quite by accident that I discovered your website a few weeks ago with all the wonderful information on introverts. I am an INFP and everything I have learned from your articles so far has freed me from a life time of feeling that I am "defective" and definitely not normal.
From the time I was very young I enjoyed solitary activities or playing with one favorite friend. When I was a little older and learned to read, I wanted to spend much of my free time reading, but my mother, fearing that I was severely antisocial, wouldn't have any of that. She told me there was something wrong with me and if I didn't make some changes and learn to be out with people I would have no life. My father followed her lead, and whenever we were in social situations, family gatherings, school activities, church affairs they both made it a point to push me into some kind of group endeavor that made my body literally cringe.I grew up thinking there was something intrinsically wrong with me because I was not naturally outgoing, or the life of the party "like everybody else." As an adult, I have tried to fix my defect as best as possible. I have joined groups, I have joined community committees, I have joined the PTA and became the head of the ways and means committee, I have joined organizations related to the work I do, I have always worked in fast-paced, team-oriented, dead-line driven, multi-tasking corporations (the haven of ESTJs) and made myself try to fit in and do what was expected of me. As hard as I have tried, I never fit in. I was the fifth wheel, the one who was not picked for anything, and I definitely have never advanced in the corporate world. Severe physical and emotional stress was the result of many years of trying to be what I was not and trying to fit in where I didn't belong.I have always known that I am a caring person, a helper, and a sympathetic listener. I pick up feelings and physical sensations from the people around me, and sometimes I realize that the headache I just got is not mine. From the time I was a little girl, I could see through a problem to the solution, but since those qualities were not acknowledged or valued, I learned not to value my instincts, my intuition and my desire to be of help - the very essence of who I am.Reading the information you provide has helped me to see that I am not defective - I am just fine the way I am and I need to do work that comes naturally to me. I don't have to fix me, I need to find others like me and get heck out of the soul-eating corporations.I have a questions that I hope you will answer or lead me to where the answer is: What key factors do you look for in an astrological chart that indicate introversion and extroversion.Warm thanks for your help and for your work.
-- Anonymous
2.08.2005 I have learned to cope with being an INFP by journaling. I have been keeping a journal since I was 8 years old and it has become a place where I feel understood.
Anonymous girl, age 20
2.08.2005 just found out recently about"INFP" individuals when I was taking an online test. I was competely surprised when I read my results. I've never come across anything that was just..so..me. I've always felt different but I could never and still can't fully explain to people my situation. Only 1 percent of the population?! I feel honored if anything, I just wish there were more people out there like us so the world would be in a better condition. I used to hate being myself but now I think I should cherish this rare gift and hopefully pass my knowledge on to other generations. Just remember people..empathy saves lives.
-- Court, age 18
2.08.2005 I can identify with most every person above, especially Cindy (9.26.2004) since I also have an understanding parent. I'm also a fellow Leo to some... the limelight is so tempting.
My mother's ability to understand and support my uniqueness has enabled me to avoid depression. She gave me some confidence to be different - and we sure are different! That's not to say I couldn't use more confidence though. We are a comfort to each other and our relationship is very strong. Sometimes we feel as though it's US against The Real World. My fiance is of a similar personality also, and we recognize each other's need for space - thank God! I mostly get frustrated with the world. I can understand people so easily, yet so few can understand me. It is a bit lonely. It is comforting to understand how rare we are since it explains why we are so frequently misunderstood. There are plenty of times when my sincerity is questioned - my motives for caring are questioned. In all, the introversion is most annoying. A new classmate of mine asked me the other night if I wanted to join her and others for a casual drink. A flush of panic swept over me, and I didn't end up going even though I wanted to. I do that so often and afterwards I always ask why? It's a habit or reflex I'm working on.
To the 14 yr old Stephanie, friendship can be hard - especially at that age. So much changes so quickly. I don't know how to make it easier. Try to recognize that you are still searching and growing into the person you will become. Your friends are too. Instead of just trying to cope with being different, try to find comfort in your uniqueness - learn to love it and embrace it. I know I'm trying to. I think we all are.
Laura, age 24
2.08.2005 indeed it could substitute as a description of me because its just so accurate! for example i've always been able to guess when someones sad even if they try to hide it...i always thought i was abnormal...and also although i can express myself pretty well in both speech and writing...i prefer to write... of course being an infp can be bad too...being able to feel others grief can also make u feel really down...and friends, whom i've totally opened my heart to, can easily hurt me even though sometimes they dont realise it...people often dont realise how infps are so full of emotions...but i do enjoy being unique...i dont think many people whom i know have more than one or two infps as friends...yeah overall its great to be infp...i identify with what i've read of infps on the net...finally i realise that i'm not that bad after all...
-- wc
1.21.2005 I identify with most of the peopl above; I felt like there's something about me very few other people understand. I have a hard time opening up to new people, but once you get to know me, I'm a very caring person...The closer you get to me, the more I'll let non-INFP's see into my little world.I only just found out about the Briggs personality types; I wasn't very surprised when I got my results and saw how few people there were like me. (I'm young, and I go to a school with about 1000 people; with only 1-2% of the population being INFP's, I'm pretty much alone.) I'm only just learning how to cope with being so different, and I'd appreciate any help I can get....I try to sleep, read, draw, swing, do anything to distract me from my day long enough to recharge, but sometimes this isn't enough and I'll start crying in the middle of the night. Recently, one of my friends has been giving me a hard time: I'm not sure what her type is...But there's no way she's an INFP. Every time I start feeling better about myself -- I'll get a good grade, or start scratching up the courage to talk to that guy I like -- She'll suddenly send me on a guilt trip of how she thought, 'You would understand me, you would sympathsize and know how I feel, that you would give me directions to help myself,' when I'm having trouble sorting out my feelings and finding ways to cope. Every time I talk to another friend, like Sammy, my older INFP friend, she get jealous and tells me we're drifting apart and that we never talk. (Even though I see her daily and I see Sammy maybe once a year now.) Since I've retreated to the internet to talk to people -- my only INFP friends being there -- she got herself a messenger account. She pretended to be her little brother and told me that I was a bad friend, and that I was being cruel. I finally gave up and turned the computer off, then went out to my swing and started crying.
I'm still not sure what to do about this situation; I want to help my friend, but I don't want her to use me like I feel she's been doing. If anyone has advice for dealing with these situations, I would love some help...Stephanie, age 14
1.21.2005 I identify most definetly with the posts. Especially the one about being a leo and an INFP. I'm a music performance major in college. Imagine the daily life of a singing INFP. I need the praise after I sing, but I refuse it at the same time. The benefits from singing are priceless, but no performance is good enough. This idealist perfection that INFP's have is holding me back. Also, I don't want to just sing, I want to communicate something with my voice. Big shocker; I'm also an avid writer. My professor loves to work with me and says his goal with me isn't so much to improve on my talents but develop an overt confidence. How many INFP's are thinking... "good luck with that one." At least as an INFP, I know where I'm going in what I do. How to get there with the traits of an INFP is the hard part. Through writing, my family and friends have come to understand better, the way my mind works. This has delivered me from one end of depression to the other countless times. Finding a creative outlet to express the worlds that live within is the best advice I'd give to an INFP.
Mary, age 20 website www.geocities.com/twinkatie
1.21.2005 Thank you all so much - am laughing with relief at recognising so many aspects of myself in your writings. Spent my share of time wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be motivated by the things that seem to matter to other people (material things, money, corporate careers etc). Am now accepting myself, making sure I get enough alone time, respecting my need for quiet, taking classes to develop my intuition and preparing to work as an intuitive healer. I'm finding peace and I trust that everyone else will too. Again, thank you all for being so honest! Reiki has really helped me. Realising that I love energy work has provided many "Aha! Now that makes sense" type moments. And accepting that I'm no good to anyone else if I'm ignoring my own needs for rest, quiet etc. instead of either over-exerting myself or waiting for someone else to notice I need rescuing.
Vanessa, age 33
1.11.2005 Being an INFP has both its ups and downs. I feel lucky that I can see and understand the world in ways that many other types can never even imagine. It's very easy for me to get close to people and make them open up to me. Yet, when the INFP's here talk about how they can't express their own emotions...i can totally relate. Sometimes that can be frusterating, cause you feel so deeply for someone yet don't know if they have any recognition of how you feel.
I also relate to how one feels like they are the caretakers of the world. Whenever my freinds have any problems, I always try everythign possible to solve it for them. Ofcourse, at times this can make you feel used since people easily forget the downs when they are up. But I dont think I would ever stop being there....cause as you guys can probably understand...thats what makes us who we are!As a child I remember being very sensitive, and felt that my introverted parents couldn't understand me. Adoloscence was definately not the best time of my life either! I've started adapting to the world better now that Im starting to understand better who I am and what it is that I want to do. One of the biggest challenges I've faced is having a very strong attraction for extroverted people! Since I've been little, all my closest friends have been extroverts, which definately made me feel inadequate on several occassions. My few long lasting crushes have also been on very extroverted people, which made it very hard for me...and has made me scared if I would ever find anyone who loved me back! ;) As for dwelling on what I'm doing with my life or what is the purpose of my life or if I'll ever find that special someone someday....I do it all the time! Yet I do have faith that when life turns full circle...I'll be a stronger person who understands and loves myself for being just who I am! :) For all you INFP's out there..you're not alone...remember that there are a few of us out there who understand how it feels to be in a world created by your own mind!
I'm amazed at how much I can relate to most of the people on this site! I feel like atleast there are some people in the world who understand what its like to be "me"!!
Shivani, age 23
1.08.2005 I identify with all of you. I was not suprised to read the description of my personality type, INFP because I have felt this way my whole life.. just so different and misunderstood. Being an INFP is challenging and you definately go through your bouts of depression.. but there is something beautiful about it. I dont know how to explain it.. although I never seem to fit in and always seem to be worrying .. I have this inner peace knowing that I have some kind of divine knowledge about life. Does that sound egotistical? I cry whenever certain things are mentioned: namely when i hear about strangers coming together to help each other or stories of starvation, loss, and sorrow. I cant move on with my life. I see everyone else move on but I am still thinking about it.. thinking about what it would feel like to be that person. I am a natural artist, this I know, I was a singer all through highschool but, because of my passion for human rights I decided to major in Spanish and Political Science and go to law school.. I am about to graduate undergrad and I am confused and saddened.. wondering if I would ever be happy in a job such as a lawyer or politician. It seems as though I have the passion to want to make change.. but the professions that are classically connected with these ideas are not INFP friendly.
-- Christine McGinley, age 22
1.06.2004 I identify with the 12-30-04 comments. I have all or nothing feelings about almost every interaction. I feel like every situation will end in either it's best or worst possible way. I make life a little like a rollercoaster. I also feel other people's emotions strongly. When people are calm or happy, it's great, but when they're depressed or angry it's awful. I feel like everything turns gray and I'm falling.
That being said, I feel like being a infp is wonderful for me. I know I need the quiet alone time, but I also want to interact with people. I'm finally figuring out how to get my space, by interact with others outside of it. Being an infp forces me to take time to think and figure out where I'm going and what I want to do with my life. I'm also very happy it's not just me. 2% explains why I haven't meet others that respond the way I do. It's nice to have some company.-- Melissa, age 24
12.28.2004 John, age 43. I identify with most of the infps above. I have had many challenges in my life, and personal growth has been a constant throughout those experiences.
... I see the INFPs internal world as the gift of living that personality. Do I require a thank you because I have helped someone? No, I know because I can feel them or have figured out they are better off even without acknowledgement. If a thank you is given, then that is just icing on the cake. Otherwise, I find joy in feeling that I have made a difference however small in making their life better. Use your skills as an INFP to seek the validation of your efforts after you have given them!
We INFP's construct our inner life to give us the security of our beautiful emotions and for the benefit of others. Learn to let yourself have the gift of those feelings too.
When you are with someone, they will see how much you love yourself and will learn that love is for them too. People, especially non INxx types will treat you how you treat yourself.
I know a lot of people here are still putting into place their internal life, I hope others here take my comments as encouragement, because there is peace for your soul when you realize yourself.-- Anonymous
12.24.2004 It is EXACTLY like me. Its like someone who has strong beliefs and although they usually do not like confrontation, and has a kindness for everyone. I can see the good in every single thing, but I also am an introvert at heart. This test is so interesting to me.
-- Anonymous
12.08.2004 [ag 23] I first learned I was an INFP after taking a personality test at the career services office. I have always felt very much like the others who have posted on this site - deeply thinking, sensitive, a bit spacey, aloof, caring. I used to try to fit in. I was a cheerleader in high school after being a really quiet artist/musician in my childhood. I think I had a really early midlife crisis. I wanted to belong, but as more years passed, I learned to be content and love who I am. This happened toward the later portion of college. I am a piano teacher and massage therapist. I have found that if you pursue a career that fits your personality type, you can find great joy in being yourself. You achieve excellence naturally in a field where extroverts (or other types which are more rampant in this world) have to TRY to be good at. I think God made us the way we are and to fight against our natural tendencies and inclinations is just blinding ourselves from the places we're supposed to go in our lives. I am pursuing occupational therapy as a profession and know it will be rewarding because it deals with interpersonal healing relationships and artistic skills (making splints, leading pottery classes, etc....), but I find that my true calling is in art and music. I love arts and crafts and I also play piano in a music ministry at my church. I find that filling my life up with activities that are true to my heart helps me to love who I am instead of trying to fit in places that are dominated by other types. My suggestion, if you're willing to listen to an INFP stranger, is to BE YOURSELF and fill your life up with creative outlets. Learn to be content being alone sometimes, too, as is the case for INFPs. If you have faith, believe that in being alone, God is still with you and maybe you can hear him better in your silence. Good luck to you all.
-- Anonymous, age 23
12.07.2004 Zo Has anyone mentioned yet that INFPs are the funniest people on earth? Dry, even deadpan-I love it. I've also known INFPs who, like me, have a real kick-butt attitude alongside all that sensitivity, and I'd like to see that part of Introversion become more well known. I'm equally comfortable alone or on a stage, in front of a crowd, which is also very INFP. Don't let the contradictions get you down! There's a way to turn this all inside out - guys, you especially - and make this work for you! Clearly, we are at high risk for depression, but I can't stress highly enough: get an creative outlet. Make some art. Put that vision of yours out in front of the world - it's so needed.
[Nancy's note: Zo has! Her website: www.humorlessbitch.com]
12.08.2004 I identify with most people here, and have lived most of my life feeling alone. Even now, I feel a sharp contrast between how I and others percieve and reflect reality. That is a source of great joy (I guess because what an INFP thinks about tends to be new and somewhat exiting) and at the same time what causes a lot of my loneliness (may seem kind of "out there" to others). But, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you all for your comments!
-- Anonymous
12.05.2004 In my personal quest for self-discovery, it's websites like this that make me feel human. Feeling so different for nearly all my life, it's difficult to imagine that there may be others with similar experiences. I am a heterosexual man of 30, six foot, 200+ lbs, athletic and loved football, basketball all my life. But after reading the first three quotes I was instantly in tears. Can you identify with me? I can certainly identify with you.
What's it like to be an infp? How much harder can things be if you feel lost and alone, for pretty much your entire life? Just hoping someone will come and tap you on the shoulder to tell you that you're ok, and things are going to be ok. I write this and my eyes can't resist staring at the soft sketch below, and am amused at how easily I can be distracted by the simplest and beautiful things. Sigh...
12.04.2004 First, I tend to be either INFP or INTP depending on the test, time of day and what I had for lunch. But I think I tend to fit the INFP better.
What's it like? In short, it sucks. Part of me wants to be left alone and part of me wants someone, ANYONE to pay attention to me. My parents have both passed on, I got divorced(from an INFJ) 3 years ago and recently got out of a relationship with an ExxJ. I can not begin to explain how much the loneliness hurts, although I'm sure most here know. I have two dogs, but were it not for them in some of my worst moments, I would not be here.
I wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, go to bed, repeat. I'm currently on a weeks vacation, and I stayed home the entire time. I tried this week to plan a vacation next year to London, but have since convinced myself I couldn't go. For no other reason than that I'd be unhappy. Now I'm unhappy that I've decided against it.
The breakup of my marriage didn't hurt that bad, maybe in the beginning but that only lasted a couple weeks. The end of the last relationship has sapped pretty much every drop of self-esteem I had, even though there were plenty of times when I felt like ending it myself.
I've progressed greatly in my work. I'm now a VP leading a big team. I like my work(technical) generally, but don't find any great comfort from it. I haven't been able to be happy about the success I've had at it. Almost every day I think about quiting, then the next day I hate myself for thinking like that. My job is good, I make a good living, I have lots of people I like at work and would call friends, but it just doesn't seem important or fulfilling.
Someone above mentioned questioning if they were gay. I can't believe I'm not the only one that felt like that. I realize that on a basic level it's about plumbing and what you want to do with it, but I did pass through a phase when I wondered about it. I like art, architecture, music, cooking and dressing well. I'm not a fan of most sports, can drive a car but not much else, and I'd rather spend the evening in a 5 star hotel then camping by a lake in the middle of nowhere. If I hear a story on the news about someone hurting an animal or a child, I literaly will cry my eyes out. I hate myself for that sometimes. After learning more about being an INxP, at least I don't worry about how different I am anymore. I really do like women but will probably never meet another unless I can find a way to change at least the I part.
I've felt completely different all my life and now I finally have an idea as to why that is. I put on a face at work that's more funny and outgoing and I think people like me. My boss calls me "gruff but loveable" I'm OK with that, but I'm not really that gruff, I just speak my mind. When I get invited out to group things at work I always go and generally have a good time. I've know them all for a while. When I was in my last relationship, she would have me going to group outings with her friends and I was always so miserable. She didn't understand why I didn't make an effort to get to know her friends. There wasn't a good way to explain to her that I was in pain even trying. Not that in time I wouldn't be able to become friendly with them, but to be pushed into the deep end of the social pool was so hard. I really hated her for doing that to me. Her dad was just like me which I think in the end scared her.
I don't know where my dad was, but I'd bet INFP or INTP like me. For most of my life I hated the idea of becoming him. But, I am him. Where I think I differ is I know now who I am and why I'm like this. I can enhance somethings and change others. I'd love to be more E than I. My mom was very much ESFP. She had no problems talking to anyone and having a great time with it. I remember her telling someone that I was "sensitive". At the beginning macho stage that young boys go through that hurt, but now I realize that it's mostly true and not really an insult.
Well, this is all well and good but I need to figure out how knowing what I am helps me. Hopefully it won't take another 38 years to figure that out.
11.18.2004 I identify with most of you to some extent.
Dear My People,
I started my journey of serious self-discovery about 6 years ago (therapy)...but of course I've been in my own head for as long as I can remember. I've taken many personality, learning style tests and I'm finally finding a bit of peace in my life. When I was young my mother was constantly pushing me to become outgoing, be more social and popular. Not that I couldn't have been popular (it's possible), but my self-esteem was in pretty lousy shape (still is a bit shaky). It's taken me a long time to put things into perspective, and still, at times, I feel those old toxic feelings creeping in. The feelings of being...wrong.
Two years ago I went through a divorce (a nice extroverted guy who thought I was mental for asking for some time alone)and since then I've been scrambling around trying to find my marbles (I've almost found them all) and trying to select a career that will allow me to support and educate myself and my children, plus let me retire before I'm ninety. I'm going to try teaching because certification is my quickest route, and then it's my goal to apply to graduate school to become a councelor. I am also hoping I have time to pursue my music...I've been a musician for...ever, which explains my lack of a paying career.
Although I'm close to 50, I don't feel it's over by any means. What most young people don't realize is that you don't feel any different inside. Really, everytime I look in the mirrow I feel surprised to see my physical age. It's like,"oh yea,I forgot, I'm aging." In my mind, it's never too late. When it's my time to go, I want to feel like I lived my life to it's fullest.
I am a bit afraid though that teaching will literally kill me with all of it's "details", but I won't know until I'm in the trenches.
The other day I was at my youngest gymnastics class when one of the mothers started talking about her introverted son. How to help him, etc. Then, another mom spoke about how disengaged her ex-husband had been. That it's not good, etc. I've been involved in quite a few of these types of conversations over the years, and in reality I'm probably fighting for myself, but I suggested to the first mom that she embrace her son's gentleness as just another wonderful way a human being can be. We're like the leaves on a tree -- no two alike -- very beautiful and interesting.
By the way, both of my children are extroverts and I feel like I've been successful in teaching them about introverts. They have two friends that will just leave play and go off to draw or play by themselves. My kids just go on playing as though it's no big deal.
I wish you well.
Rhonda
11.15.2004 Anonymous, age 32 (msle). What is it like?... it's like being the first tug boat.. it's probably not suited for most things you would expect boats to be suited for.. racing, fishing, world travel, why would anyone believe that little boat can pull a million ton barge down a narrow waterway safely.. but it does, like no other type of boat can. take the trip through the waters of life.. and navigate your way improvising, adapting, enjoying the waves, the calm, the experience and the blessing of being... you know what I'm talking about... because I know you.
11.06.2004 Deanna. I feel like the Kiersey people dissected and examined my brain without my permission.
Bad childhood, martyr-in-my-spare-time, writer, introvert, need to save the world, perfectionist about things I give a @#$% about, yadda yadda yadda.
Any other Leo INFP's out there? What an interesting impossibility it is to be an introverted extrovert. A Leo INFP dreams of being center stage but happily hides behind the curtain.
11.05.2004 Jacqui, age 41. I identify with everybody above. I have only recently discovered personality type and have found it liberating. I have felt like an outsider all my life really and it's so good to know that other people feel the same. I had extrovert sensing parents who were baffled by me and constantly trying to cheer me up and stop me from being so 'soft'. I also had some terrible experiences with teachers which bordered on abuse - they seemed to take an instant dislike to me - as a result I really withdrew into myself and was labelled 'remedial' at school. It was a fight to get this image of me changed and I did end up having a better time at secondary school due to some very senstive teachers and some close friendships - still i never won any popularity contests! I think people always saw me as a bit odd. I was attracted to psychiatric nursing - I guess because I very much empathised with people in distress (though the practical aspects of the job were exhausting) I am now teaching nurses at university and feel that I have found my niche - I particularly enjoy teaching in small groups and being a personal tutor
Sometimes it's such hard work and I wish I could switch off, not think and stop feeling everything so deeply and personally - I have suffered from depression twice in my life - and I often feel low (I'm on the St John's Wort right now!) Exercise really helps and so does music, singing and getting away from home and work. I have also found that hypnotherapy helps when I have to do something very extravert - like presenting at conferences. What I love about being an INFP is that I'm never bored I find interest in just about everything and I enjoy being able to se the good in people when others can't.
11.05.2004 Anonymous. I do and I don't identify with the people above. I was really impressed to read the accounts on this page and really envious of those who where coming to terms with their type and it's strengths and weaknesses while still young enough to make long term choices. I'm afraid that I am 37 and have only just discovered the real concept of differing types.
All through my life I have seen myself as a defective version of a standard model of personality. Constantly striving to be more extravert, tougher, more rational more practical and more judgmental and harder on myself and others.
Nothing wrong with working on your weak points but I've done it from a standpoint that I was weak and lazy, over sensitive and a soft touch (wich of course I am at times) and that my personality was the result of a lack of will.
I now find myself in the wrong job and the wrong realtionship (nothing wrong with them in themselves, just no good for me and I'm no good for them). I accept that any relationship between types can work with understanding, but you'll just have to take my word for it.
At this late stage I cannot leave either due to mortgage and family responsibilities. Life is a constant swim against the tide but at least I know why. Just can't do anything about it.
Anyway. To those at 22,23 or 30, or who are still single, you have the gift of insight into who you really are. Be true to it and use it.
Being lonely on your own is far better than being lonely in a marriage (and making someone else miserable into the bargain).
Be yourselves and you won't be lonely for long.
Good luck INFP's everywhere.
10.28.2004 Anonymous I am an infp and I find it very interesting. When people dont understand me, i ignore them. I figure theyre not worth my time if they just wanna follow the norm,lol. If i try hard enough I can do anything but most of the time i dont feel the need. Like most infp's I like to think alot, but i even get sick of that. I think my good looks have helped with my low confidence,I feel blessed! I have tried to be an extrovert and have actually pulled it off pretty well. But it hurts when I do it. I like being the quiet guy! When im trying to talk to girls i put on my extroverted face, which drains energy fast but works. When I look at someone their whole life flashes before my eyes. It's usually pretty easy for me to tell what theyre all about. Some infp's seem so depressed but I will never let it bring me down. Look at all the bad apples in the world. Sure they might be extroverted but do they have what we do? Maybe im a infp in denial. Is that what you think? I have alot of anger built up inside me from things iv'e seen in the world and i plan to express this through my music. But I feel we have all been blessed. I feel theres gonna be a day when introverts become more appreciated. We deserve it. When i speak about this my hatred for extroversion starts stir. Maybe its just my boss but extroverts seem to really get on my nerves, especially the real outspoken ones. Oh well, i know theres alot of people that appreciate me, and it keeps me going.
10.23.2004 Ryan, age 22 What is it like to be an INFP? Well... I love being me. I like having the depth of love and caring for people that I do. I like having an entire world in my mind that no one else can understand. The one thing that I don't like about being me is how difficult it is to open up to people, even the people who I have the deep felt caring for. I think that it is what usually hurts me more than anything else. I want to open up to people, but sometimes it is just really hard.
I can relate to Chris P with being very logical with you emotions. It is really easy come up with all sorts of logical reasons to not let yourself be vulnerable, especially if you have been hurt before.
I was raised by an ENTJ (father) and a ESFJ (mother), but, unlike so many of the stories posted on here about parents of different types, my parents were very supporting of me and my quiet creativity growing up. They were very afferming in my teenage years, telling me they were proud of who I was becoming. My father is s very practical straight forward and because of that I have picked up an ability to be logical when I need to be, and am quite comfortable with it. Well, I don't want to type to much here, but I feel very blessed to be who I am and where I am. I'm still searching for my place in life, but I know its in Gods hands so I'm not worried about it (not that I don't spend countless hours thinking and dwelling on it...). Same thing with my girl in this world: not worried about it, but constently thinking/dwelling on it.Ah well, we are lucky to be who we are.
10.13.2004 I found I was an INFP when I took the MBTI during my training to become an officer in the US Air Force. I was the only INFP--almost everyone else was ESTJ [Guardian/Supervisor]. After twelve years of serving with my fellow officers who just could not seem to understand my INFP strengths and contributions, I resigned.
10.13.2004 I found I was an INFP when I took the MBTI during my training to become an officer in the US Air Force. I was the only INFP--almost everyone else was ESTJ [Guardian/Supervisor]. After twelve years of serving with my fellow officers who just could not seem to understand my INFP strengths and contributions, I resigned.
10.13.2004 I found I was an INFP when I took the MBTI during my training to become an officer in the US Air Force. I was the only INFP--almost everyone else was ESTJ [Guardian/Supervisor]. After twelve years of serving with my fellow officers who just could not seem to understand my INFP strengths and contributions, I resigned.
For that same 12 years, I was married to a delightful and completely captivating woman (ESFP) who was the epitome of Keirsey's performer [Artisan]. Regretfully, our values were starkly different. We both acknowledged that I was not fun enough for her and she was not committed enough for me, and so we ended our marraige. We remain loving parents to two incredible sons.I am now married to a beautiful, talented, compassionate woman. She's an INFJ, and not surprisingly, a professional counselor. She is my soulmate. For the first time in my life, I feel like somebody understands and supports who I really am.
I just started and incorporated a non-profit organization to provide affordable housing to low-income families. I have finally found work that is worth doing -- work that satisfies my soul.For all the intensely-felt ups and downs of an INFP life, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Embace your INFPness!-- Todd, age 36
10.1.2004 I do idenfify with many of the descriptions above.
When I was a child I knew that I was somehow more advanced and different than my many siblings. This often sparked a few beatings by my older brother, who grew jealous at the special attention I recieved. My father is a Pastor, and I was then forced to be extroverted from an early age to meet the demand placed on me by the church enviroment. I enjoyed my childhood, and will always think of it as ideal. But when I turned 11 and went to middle school, it seemed as though the whole world changed, but I had not. I prefer to think of it as an unwillingness to lose my innocence, or perhaps it could be better stated as a strong desire to not grow up. Adolescence was pure hell, lonliness and isolotion seemed to be the divinely appointed cross which for some reason I had been made to bear. I did not understand my contemporaries, and I hated being herded into school, into a place which I hated. At the age of 20 I suffered a nervous breakdown, but through this pain I was able to embrace Christianity for myself, and have never felt that dreaded lonliness since. I do not like the world I live in, injustice seems to be the norm, and all happiness is too terribly expensive, costing more than it would seem worth. I put my hope in heaven, but have none for or my life. I dream of a new dawn, when sorrows will melt, when the just will rule, and joy and wonder are the very substance of every waking moment.-- Tony, age 26
9.26.2004 My father is an INFP, so as a child I felt very comfortable being who I was (like my father) and I actually felt special. I was the third (baby of the family) child and only female (my parents desperately wanted a girl after having two boys, my mother had us caesarian and could only have three children) and they loved my sweet and shy disposition. I also excelled at music, reading and English, being loving and kind, all of those things my father espoused as important. I think that is why I felt comfortable with lots of friends at my house. I had slumber parties with about 10 girls, often. I wasn't outgoing, but I wasn't as afraid of my peers, like I am now (now that I've been in the "real" world and found that I'm different). We moved every year, which excited my intuitive love of exploring the new. At some schools I was actually popular. These were small schools, mind you, and I lived in the country most of the time (Good for an introvert). My father was a "country preacher" (very idealistic INFP kind of profession don't you think)? Perhaps because I felt so loved and accepted, I was not fearful and shy at home. When I read about other INFP's having parents of different types and not being accepted, I feel for them. That's what happened when I married an ISTJ who was from an ESTJ family. Then my sense of self-worth dropped considerably. I think perhaps the usual introvert is not as understood as a child. I was just terribly lucky to have an INFP father. I see that now. When I visit home I feel great and become rather outgoing. My father had to play a leadership, outgoing role as a minister, but at home he was quiet and studious. I saw how he was, and I mimicked him.
-- Cindy
9.25.2004 I clearly ID with folks above. Meyers Briggs changed my life when I realized my approach to life had nothing to do with self esteem. That I had gifts within my own shy idealistic world, and the huge importance of beauty within that.Having time alone is essential. Photgraphy, watercolor and now quilting have given me sweet reprieve in midlife. If I can just remember to (and I haven't quite worded this ever before); let out a silent breath, allowing my anxious stress to turn to heaviness that flows right through my center to the floor, I can suddenly become more present. But I have no trouble dismissing myself from too much stimulation, be it people, televisions, whatever.
-- Karen, age 50
9.22.2004 Well... I've always felt"different" in a group of people. I often feel wonderful in a small group of people, or by myself. I've always caught myslef detaching, and observing... Often I'll analyze everyone's motivations... what makes them the way they are, and how beautiful it is that they do whatever it is that they do! Also, I've had hard times in relationships... Often leaving through an instinctual message telling me"It's just not right yet!" I think a very strong infp quality of mine, is my ability to reach internal bliss... just by walking down the street, and appreciating the surrounding beauty!
-- Rachel, age 21
9.05.2004 i identify with every person listed above, which is is pretty shocking, since i always felt i was very different than others. I have to deal with problems that arise from being a infp on a daily basis. No, I can't say it's the most comfortable personality that you can wear. Still I feel I would not want it to be any different. I think the fruits of the infp personality can not be easily measured or communicated, but still I value them highly(dream on, dreamer). If it is really true that our personality can be categorized, then it must must be a part of some system. Let's do the job then...
-- ho, age 30
9.18.2004 I identify with the anonymous poster (6/1/2004) in that people have assumed that I was gay. I even thought that may have been the case myself. But after watching 4 seasons of Queer as Folk (without getting turned on in the slightest by the male on male action) I am convinced that I am straight as an arrow.
I guess i'm unique even among infps in that I'm quite logical as well as very emotional. This has served me well in my occupation as software developer, where my code is solid, but i'm also well known for my very intuitive user interfaces. (sorry for the jargon).I became very withdrawn and emotionally detached in high school when i was diagnosed with hyperthyroid (from Grave's Disease) which wasn't treated until my 4th year of college. In the meantime, I completely shut myself off from the world and my family (i didn't even have contact with my friends at school beyond extracurricular activities). I spent a LOT of time on the internet in the chat rooms, where it was much easier to express myself. Not only was I introverted, but I had built a wall of logic and intellect around my emotions. I never got involved in a single relationship (even in college) and only hung out with a small group of friends with similar interests.
I recently got a job at trader joe's, and the extroverts there are helping me break down the wall around my emotions (at least with them, I still hate chatting aimlessly with customers). However, I still know that I'm different from them, even if I start to act like them more. They tend to be very superficial when it comes to women, and don't have either the strong values or commitment to excellence that I do. They like to oggle all of the beautiful women that come into the store, looking for their next score, while I'm looking for that special someone to open my heart to.--- Chris P., age 24
9.19.2004 I identify with all the people above. I was fortunate, however, to have an INFP father who was a minster. So while I was growing up I felt very different from others but knew that I was like my father. My father set up an"INFP" world where there was stress on being loving and kind with Divine Love. So my childhood was very happy. It was full of love and adventure. All I needed was my family and the few friends I had to love me. I did not feel totally isolated or strange because I was like my father. However, I was always trying to be like other people and never could quite do it. It was such a great relief when I read the Kiersy book. Then I knew I was not alone. Now I don't try to be like others. I know who I am. I feel better defined instead of a chamelian because of trying to blend in.
I have had a difficult time coping in the adult world. When I left the protected and "INFP" world of my parents, life got difficult. I experienced social panic attacks, deppression and high-anxiety. I am presently taking some an anti-deppressand and an a-typical drug that has made a huge difference in my coping. I tried for years to cope without drugs, with psychothearapy, but gave up after a huge burnout experience of my job. I'm very glad I did. These drugs are miracle workers. I am able to be my loving, accepting self more without all of that anxiety. I'm not recommending drugs to everyone, but that is a large part of my coping agenda now.
-- Cindy , age 45
9.16.2004 I identify with those above, Mike especially- I also am a INFP probably alive only because of Christ. Identify with Jenny in the trying to become an extravert thing and admire Jane for the way she is making a practical difference to her life.
For me to be an infp is to be rich and deep and to have an instant connection with that odd special person I come across.
Coping Well
1. I learned that my real problem is my focus on myself, not on God or others. I learned of the love of God in sending the son of God to take the penalty for my selfish stubborness and all the good things that I have neglected to do. This has changed my life the most.
2. God has made me how I am and he doesn't make mistakes.
3. The fact that so many people are so different from me has become an interesting chance to find out all the different ways they tick.
5. Again like someone said I use my knowledge of the different psychological types and it can help me to predict if someone will like a particular topic of conversation or not. 6. Em... I still have a lot to learn. I am training to be a teacher so this could prove to be interesting. Any (:) positive) advice?7. Read lots of jokes
-- Rachel , age 22
9.3.2004 I don't know the people above, but I suppose that upon meeting them, we would all be too shy to have a conversation and no one would really find out if they could relate.
As an infp, I get the impression tht most people understand whatindness is, but its not the priority to them that it may be to us. Its difficult for me to grasp why it is so hard for some people to figure out how to treat each other with respect and kindness.
-- Tom, age 30
9.1.2004 A lot of infps say that they were abused by either their parents or their peers. I am wondering are we born infps, or is it a result of our surroundings?
Liz, age 17
8.30.2004 I identify myself with so many of the people listed here. However, I no longer enjoy the thought of being an INFP like I used to. I use to believe that being myself and being different was the greatest thing I could be. Now I don't want to be in that 1-2% category. Its gotten so depressing.
I haven't had an easy childhood at all. Everyone around me -- especially my parents have made me live in fear and hatred. Everyday was and is mental anguish -- abuse. Having tried to be positive all my life, I have to fight it. But now, in my 20's, it's gotten much worst. I can't help myself anymore. It has led me to become physically sick, more and more. Everytime I try to work things through, there is always someone there to bring me down. I'm always treated like a bad person. But I'm not. I just don't want to be myself anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the other types have it more easily because the world doesn't think like an INFP.-- Anonymous
8.28.2004 I relate the most to Princess Diana. There's just that quiet all-knowing spirit about her.
Most of my childhood stemmed around making up songs and adventures in my head, while in reality desperately trying to please all and everyone around me. In my teenage years I went through a major bout of depression and rebellion, as I realized I no longer wanted to please people but wanted to live out those adventures in my head. Slowly I grew out of that, but I've always felt as though I was a stranger to everybody, even my closest of friends and family. I felt as though I could always understand everyone around me, from the first few moments of meeting, but I never felt it was requitted. It's as though I can pierce into the souls of those around me, but all they could see was the surface. That's the most frusterating thing in the world to me.
I always felt I didn't fit into this world, somehow.. as though I was the ugly duckling in a world of swans, but as I'm sure we all have learned, we are the beautiful swans. It's so encouraging to me, to find a group of people that have similar hurts and bruises in life, and yet still seem to push onward for that greater good. -- Cassie, age 21[Cassie, you're beautiful! Thanks for putting it into words so well. Nancy]
8.26.2004 I guess the biggest thing that seperates me from others is that I can see good in almost everyone (even those I don't like). I've heard it lots of times and I'm sure you have too, people always put people down they don't like but I treat people I don't like the way I treat people I do like, unless they don't deserve it. I believe people should be treated equally.
At the age of 13 I got teased and taunted by just about everyone at high school and it made me think there was something wrong with me. Then my mother started abusing me physically and verbally and I developed depression. My parents split that year and I was a very angry and mournful teenager.
One day I just seemed to grow up more and come to peace with myself at some point. Although I have a big group of friends at my school here, I feel as if I want a smaller and closer group. People say I am close to others but that doesn't satisfy me.
I guess from 13-15 I alienated myself from the real world for the internet. It was then I discovered that I had a talent in writing and that has helped decide what profession I would like, journalism.-- Jenny
8.20.2004 My parents had been nice to me during my childhood, may be because I was the first kid. However they always had lot of expectations from me and I always felt crushed. Most of the times during some small parties or get-together, when all other kids (even those who were strangers to each other) used to play around, I will quitely sit with my parents thinking that I am not going to do anything good in life. Interestingly both my parents and my brother -all are introverts. I always had very few friends and most of the time never felt a need. For others I was a freak, and they looked at me with a strange and suspicious glare. My books and my younger brother were enough to pass my time. I used to engage myself in whatever way I could - writing letters (to anybody I could think of, perhaps writing is easier for me), reading books, eating, sleeping, collecting coins/stamps and doing anything which din't involve speaking to another guy. During later years of my education, I started feeling that being successful depepnds a lot on being extrovert in this world. I actually tried to change myself but soon realised that some things are so deeply inherent to you, they can't be changed. Infact during my first job, we had a training lasting around 2 months - "To be a successful manager" and my guide was quick to point out that I won't be successful here and should rather think of changing my line of career. I however decided to stick with it after meeting my guide alone and talking about the difficulties one faces being an INFp. I was amazed to see his support afterwards.
-- Jenny, age 16
8.10.2004 I do identify with the people on the list. I once read a piece about INFPs that said they are prone to masquerade in their ESTJ business suits - a funny but true insight. I suppose that's my means of coping - I appear very extraverted on the surface, but if too much in my life lacks depth I get very frustrated. I feel so much of what the other people have written - I value truth in relationships, and if they lack that truth, I don't see much use for them. -- Anonymous
7.06.2004 Unlike most of the people above - I had a very happy childhood. It might be because my mother was a teacher, and saw my need to be imaginative and different for what it really was... my way of learning, growing, and dealing with the world. Only since I've gotten older has it become apparent to me that the fantasy world I still lose myself in is not the norm. Anyway... I like the world I live in, probably better than the world others live in. I figure it's probably because most other types don't bother to see that the world for them is different than it is for others. Hee, I'm not sure I'm making sense, here. I really just wanted to drop in and say,"Hi, we're beautiful."
-- Jessie, age 22
7.01.2004 I identify with a lot of people listed. Ever since I was a kid, and even in my teenage, I always felt different than everyone else but I could never understand what made me different. A few weeks back, we had a personality test in college and mine turned out to be "INFP" and when I heard that INFPs are just 1-2% of the general population, I was really surprised - but at the same time I felt special too - because I just love being different :)... There are times when I hate myself for being shy and other times I just totally love myself. --
6.20.2004 Do I recognize the feelings described above by others: being different, shy, etc? Sure...I would say that my childhood was not very good, I never felt my parents supported me and never went to them for advice. I was really good at school but really rejected anything that I felt I was not really among the best at, since I was extremely selfcritical. As a teenager, I judged everyone as not as idealistic and deep as I was myself. However, inside I envied social people who played in bands and danced on discos, I never dared to do that even if I was ten times as musically skilled as them. I told myself that I was to good for showing off... This kept on in the twenties, with the addition of putting on an Extroverted mask - since I realized that that is the best way of becoming accepted. I "challenged" myself by doing some performances - singing on parties and concerts, keeping speeches. It did not make me feel better about myself. Now I guess I can finally cope with being an introverted shy person. I have been given this life and the only thing I can do is to make the best out of it. I am a bit worried though that I will never find a partner (lived together with one for three years, broke up one year ago and have not met anyone since then) because of my reservedness and sensitivity. If I am to meet somebody, it probably has to be someone who is really strong and warm. What would she need me for? But so be it, I have to accept facts.
-- OZ
6.6.2004 I identify with most of the people above. All of my childhood I knew I was different. From early in primary school I was reading 4 years in advance. As soon as High school came along all of a sudden I was n ot the genius I thought I was..I think my rose coloured glasses has helped me through the low areas of my life. At 22 years I became a Christian and this has improved my life soooo much. I have only just discovered my personality type, and have been to a psychologist to confirm that I am infp. Most of the internet tests I came out infj, but it did not take long to correct this professionally. Now it all makes more sense! I am the one that is different! But also a little special. I am now in the middle of changing my career to better suit me and my personality, I will find work that energises me instead of draining me. I can now appreciate other peoples personality better and appreciate their special gifts too, and put them to good use if I can...We can do ANYTHING we put our mind and hearts to. I feel that we are a force to be reckoned with, just beleive in yourself and your special gifts, and you WILL make a difference.I feel a special bond with you all now and hope that it brings you all a good fuzzy feeling too.
-- Miles, age 34.
6.6.2004 yes, i identify with all of them. Cause they feel misunderstood and lonely, but with a strong need to communicate and help.My entire childhood was not very funny...Everyone wanted me to be different. But all inside of me, I've always followed my heart and never abandonned my Ideals. I've learned to understand the others, their way of thinking and to love them as they are...well, actually I try/ sorry for mistakes, engish is not my mother tongue.
-- Laura
6.5.2004 I can say that life has been a rather interesting experience for me. Being an INFP I've felt different from others ever since I can remember. I can deeply relate to all of the postings on this site. I've always been sensitive and had strong emotions, which is kind of rare since I am a guy. Society tends to lable males as tough and aggressive and if that is not in your nature you are viewed as weak and wimpy. I don't view myself as weak but I do struggle with the same issues that you all do (especially being an introvert in an extroverted world). Anyway, it's best to keep light hearted and have a sense of humor about it all. God has given us all a unique perspective that a lot of people don't get to experience. I love being an INFP. This is a cool site, keep up with the posts and we can all help each other out:-)
-- Mike, age 25
6.2.2004 I have always felt different than others. Like the ugly duckling that has turned to a swan in the middle of a family of Geese. I had always had people in my child hood family who tried to make me into them. Be more of a thinker.. why do you have to be so strong with your feelings? There you go with your head in the clouds again! Those ideals are full of hot air!Well.. When I got into my 30's I started to explore personalities to better understand my self and others. In the last 4 years I have learned about the character typing. Briggs and Meyers or Kiersy sites have helped me alot in understanding myself and others. Now... I am very comfortable in my own skin as an INFP and I am greatful for my caring and compassionate heart for others. I have a strong desire to help mentor others in the understanding of themselves and how they relate to others. I am and will always be a quiet person. That is OK now. No need to try and make my self what I am NOT! One of the things that I have purposely done over these last 18 years to get myself out side of my shell is the following:On many occasions thru out these years I have gone to either meetings, groups, or weekend retreats where I knew NO ONE, in order to force myself to interact with others. I found out that it wasn't really as scarry as I had made it out to be! I have learned much about others charcter and personality traits so that when ever I am talking with them, I can spot out a dominant thinker/ senser person or a dominant intuitive/feeler. This helps me in communicating with them on their level.This has broken alot of my shyness and fear. Haven't conquered all of the fear yet.. but am activily working on it. I am now in a career that involves sales and working with women. I am amazed with my self to think that I have a strong desire to do Directorship in the near future. I will accomplish this, as I know that I have the persistance and quiet will of iron to get it done. This too will stretch me out of my comfort zone.
I love to collect new inventive or helpful ideas for others. Things to help them in their businesses or in life. I am very creative, imaginative and artistic, being a Libra.It's ok now... to not force myself to become a strong dominant thinker. I do think things thru well before doing them, but still use my intuition as the ultimate guide.I have learned that one can really learn to listen to that intuition and it will guide them well. I like that!I would say to all of you other kindred spirits out there.... challenge your self to try new things. Accept yourself for how you are wired up to be and know that you all have so much to offer many hurting people that you encounter along the way.Remember that you are the"healer". Not that you can actually heal someone, but you can make a difference in the life of that hurting one.Blessings to all, Jane :-), age 48
6.1.2004 I identify with Shakespeare. I'm a writer, too. What's it like to be an infp? It strange, I guess, the world is like a big museum filled with biological robots and I have to leanr to interface with them on a level that I don't get. Most people think I'm a fag or a wimp. I think most people are just brutal.
How have you learned to cope? I just do. I see life as transient, in a way. I look for love and try to be happy. Everybody just wants to be happy.
5.16.2004 Do you identify with the people above? I also have felt a certain connection/understanding towards people mentioned. I also feel different from the rest of humanity. As I INFP I have a sense of being different and people sometimes look at me oddly. I have such a deep feeling of love and understanding towards so many things and people. This enalb's me to be very objective.I cannot handle violence or the violation of people's rights,especially minority groups. Some friends have said "you always see the best in people". This optimism seems to carry me through life until it is interrupted by conflict or criticism. This then leaves feeling depressed and dejected,but this never lasts for very long.As an INFP,although we are only 1% of the population, I feel we make a difference to humanity. Each stage in learning about life is exciting and each person I meet has something to wonderful to offer. I seem to grow more confident with acceptance of who I am.
-- Lizzie
5.16.2004 I know it sounds strange, but I've always felt a certain connection to Mary (mother of God). When I was little and my parents would read parts of the Bible to me, I always felt like I knew exactly what Mary was feeling. And I relate to Shakespeare because I'm a writer too - an avid one - and I love reading his plays. Same with Emily Bronte.It can be really uncomfortable to be an INFP, though I treasure my own identity. I didn't know until recently about the different personality types, and growing up I always felt different from everyone else ... I never understood how other kids could go to so many activities every day and still have so much energy. My classmates would accuse me of being antisocial because I didn't want to go to a group sport after school; my parents were worried because I didn't want to participate in activities much during the summer. And nobody ever understood that I felt more comfortable expressing myself in writing rather than speaking; and they still don't understand why I space out when I'm talking to them. It's not that I want to ignore them, but after a busy day, I'm seeking solitude inside my mind even if I still have to be around people. I think that's why I block them out, sometimes. I still feel very isolated from the rest of humanity and find it regrettable that there are so few INFPs - I feel so different and alone sometimes, it's not surprising INFPs can be so prone to depression. Sometimes I even wish I could be extraverted, so that I could function better in the extraverted world, but this is just who I am. Whether I like it or not, I'm going to have to learn to cope. I just wish more people understood what it's like to be an INFP.
-- Katie, email, http://www.skra.tk
5.11.2004 I think that the healer is a person who values every living thing, that is does not kill anything even a bug. The healer values this more than their self, hopefully not to a point of disaster. I would not kill myself, but I would not kill anything else either.
-- Cheryl Cowen
5.11.2004 At the present time I feel that there are not many activities for an introvert. At my age, I spend a LOT of time by myself. I have a few friends which I spend time with, trying to help them with their activities. I also have a mother in her '80s whom I live with who reads ALL DAY. This does not help much with the problem.She is not very interested in my activities, either, all day activities, that is. This set-up is helpful for her and me, but it does not help with the introvert problem at all! It seems that nowadays it is impossible for an introvert to lead a complete life. I am a Pisces, and I find it very difficult not to completely sacrifice some interactions every day. However, I am hopeful that things will improve sometime in the future.I also feel that I am an INFP. I learned that there are other INFPs out there. I believe that none of us INFPs accomplish very much nowadays. The rest of the website is also very interesting.
-- C
ALSO SEE THE INFP GOOD AND EVIL SERIES, begin here.ADD YOUR COMMENTS TO HELP OTHER INFPs
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An infp child watches the world news.
from Jonathan Cainer's website
permission has been requested to use this graphic
cartoon by Sally Fisher