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Vision for healing
part iii

by Kati

Restoring Balance
The Libra Finds Peace

After the team dinner, I had a long drive home. I was glad for the alone time. Along the beach I drove, feeling the night air laden with salty ocean breezes.

 

So many questions -- How could I have ever thought I would want to be a helper with these people? How could they be so different from the other groups I had been involved with? Hadn’t I done enough therapy to know that nothing good could come of me allowing myself to be humiliated by this man who sucked people into his charisma without any real effort. He seemed to enjoy women worshipping him and the Nurse had even made a joke calling the OTHER females (not her of course) his WOMEN as in his HAREM. But you guessed it, I couldn’t help thinking about my own retreat. That time in my life was a crossroads event as well, one that saved my life. Being a team helper had been a sacred promise made to Spirit during a healing ritual. I take my promises very seriously.

 

For two days I prayed. For two days I wanted to call and bow out and run like h****. But each of those prayer times renewed my belief that a greater good could come from me taking on this role. I was assured that God the GOOD was still in control and nothing could happen that I could not find my way out of with faith. So I packed my bag and met the team. Since I was a newbie to them I was treated like I had no clue. In a way I didn’t have a clue because the training I had done with the other base was not the same as the new groups. In fact the two groups had been feuding since the beginning of their formation. Sensed that I was not welcome but was not really sure why until after I had already been through the baptism by FIRE.

 

The groups I help with are made up of what some might call the misfits and throwaways of the world. They come to our weekends to find in some cases lost hope and a last chance of making Peace with themselves and society. I had been in their chair a few years earlier. But the thing is they don’t know that until the end of the weekend. So they can be free to let loose and get all their pain out. I had seen ugliness, evil protectors before, but never so many in one room. By the first night I was asking GOD the GOOD what had I done to deserve this special assignment. It seemed I reminded many of them of whoever had caused them to be hurt in the first place. And as wounded children will do -- I was their favorite target. So not only was I not safe in the team but there was no safety in the group settings. No one wanted me there and I was ready to jump ship… But then I met HER.

 

She was funny and sad at the same time. She kept watching what was going on and not liking it very much. She had a great sense of humor and actually talked to me without hissing through her teeth. I wouldn’t find out more about HER until later, until after the ordeal was over but she was my guide on the weekend.

 

There were many other bizarre events where the evil in the group leader surfaced and his enabling women showed themselves to be true servants of pain. He spoke in different voices. He warned me of HIS EVIL. Yeah I was stupid because I told him I liked evil -- BRING IT ON BIG DOG was my response. You see there is so much projected crap I will take from anyone, and then I get a little nasty on my own. By the end of this little event I was back in my own therapy setting. My friends and fellow team helpers from the other group assured me that I had indeed met EVIL head on in the form of this leader and that I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. HE WAS.

 

Granted he had an awful childhood. He most definitely resembled the eternal child of my DREAM. But this time instead of choosing to soar out of his stone tomb, instead of trusting me, he fled and sought to cause harm. He had learned about evil from some masters of pain and destruction. His caregivers had been evil and he took on their roles. They had been all he had seen and being a child was not okay nor could he ever really be himself. INFP children and adults were nothing but victims in his world. No way was he connecting on any level with his true gifts or anyone who wouldn’t believe the mask of protection he was wearing so that he could make a living.

 

After my time in the Garden of Good and Evil -- It took many months to regain my perspective. I struggled through doubting whether I could ever really call myself a healer again. Oh yes, HER. Well as we all know those of us who have been scratched by the briars while picking the blackberries we can be sure there will always be a GOOD, which comes if we stay the course. “T” has become one of my eternal child/sister friends. The magnet on my frig that she gave me says it all … I’m smiling because you’re my sister, I’m laughing because there’s nothing you can do about it…

 

During one of our marathon phone jabber sessions -- we got around to asking about sun signs. She said she was a Cancer. I thought that made sense. She had spent the weekend of my despair watching over me with her prayers and setting others in the group straight. She was a great hugger, moon energy galore. But there was this little glimmer of PUCK that I just couldn’t figure out. So I said “T when is the actual date of your birth? And sure enough she was –- Yes, I bet you intuitive visionaries have guessed it -- born on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer… I had found the eternal Gemini child who needed to soar. And soar she has…

 

As for the male eternal Gemini -- he kept causing more and more chaos. The women all thought he loved them best and as long as hey worshipped him he did love them best. I got to the point when I refused to work with him. In the world of constant change, new leadership came aboard. The new guy well let’s just say he was born on the cusp of Pisces and Aries…. Peace had arrived at last to the world of the LIBRA.

 

back to part ii | back to part i

 

© nancy r. fenn

 

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