Introduction
No Thanks, I Don't Want a Walking Partner
Hermit Loner Comes Out
We Say ... They Hear
My Solution to Noise Pollution
Don't Pounce on Me
Setting Boundaries
The Territorial Thing
Good Things
The Irony of It All
The Territorial Thing
I was astounded to read that introverts are territorial. I've always been that way, and always felt that it was some character flaw, unique to me, that meant I was a selfish, stingy person. I felt bad about it, but I really couldn't turn it off. Now I find that it's a personality trait and I'm not alone.
What do we mean by 'territorial'? I can give some examples from my own experience.
I used to work as a real estate title examiner. We examiners shared common table space in the county 'records room'. There were no assigned seats but each of us had our own “spot” staked out and most people knew not to sit in someone else's spot.
Well, there was one elderly gentleman who would often park himself in “my” spot if he arrived before I did in the morning and that made me so angry! It's not as though there were no other places to sit.
There were. Why couldn't I just find another place to sit and not worry about it? Well, I would find another place to sit because I had to, but I would fume about it all day long. I developed a real dislike for this poor old guy, for no reason other than that he occasionally sat in “my” spot. I just couldn't understand why he did it. There was an unspoken rule in the room, respected by all the regulars, that you didn't usurp someone else's spot, and it made me furious that he persisted in “disrespecting” me by sitting in my seat. It offended me on some level that I couldn't explain. And I would feel restless and uncomfortable all day long if I had to sit in a different spot.
Having my “MIL” living upstairs has really brought out the territorial aspect of my nature. There is nothing like having an extroverted old lady in your home to accomplish that! She has her own apartment upstairs but it took a long time to “train” her not to “steal” food out of our refrigerator,
help herself to “treats” she might see on our counter, etc. Those kinds of things drive me absolutely wild. She will see something of ours and ask for it, which drives me nuts. I've always felt it was rude.
For example we received a free umbrella from the Humane Society. She saw it lying on our dining room table. “Oh, that's darling, can I have it?” I said “no” just because I was so irked that she asked.
I have actually taken to hiding library books that I bring home, because if I leave them out, she will look at them and then ask to read whatever interests her. That also annoys me. I guess it irritates me that she's nosing around my stuff. I don't go upstairs to her apartment and look for things to ask for. It just feels like an invasion of privacy to me. Leave my things alone!
When dining out, I hate it if a fellow diner takes food off my plate. I don't even like being asked “May I taste that?” I'll allow it from my partner but not from anyone else. In fact, with her, sometimes I'll think to offer before she asks. But anyone else – don't even ask, please. I just find it rude. Again, it's behavior I don't understand. If you wanted the lobster spaghetti, why didn't you order it? Don't ask to taste mine or worse yet, reach over and help yourself. Maddening! I would never DREAM of doing it to YOU!
The other day at work, one of my coworkers and I had set up a computer in a 'common' area of our offices. We had some ongoing work to do on it. It was powered on, “toe-tagged” with our names, and there were disks, papers, etc. next to it. It should have been obvious that it was in use. One day I walked up to do something on it, to find that the monitor was gone. Needless to say, I was NOT happy.
I sent an email to the group to inquire and got a response from one of the managers that a technician had needed it for an emergency and would return it in a couple of hours. I was so angry I didn't even respond. I felt very disrespected – bad enough that someone had just helped himself to the monitor that was clearly in use – worse that he hadn't asked first or even left a note to say “Sorry, I needed this, will return it ASAP” so I'd at least know what happened. I did not make an issue of it, but I stewed about it the rest of that day – it really bothered me! I knew, though, that if I said anything about it, I would look like the “bad guy” so I kept my mouth shut. Next time I'm working on something in a common area, though, you better believe I'll put a big note on it to say “IN USE – please do not disturb – SEE ME first!” Sheesh. . .
I hate to see neighbor kids playing in my yard. They aren't hurting anything. They're nice kids. But they're in MY YARD and it just drives me crazy that they (and/or their parents) don't respect the idea of PRIVATE PROPERTY. Hello, my yard is not a public park. Stay out of it!
It occurs to me that our irritation with noise is tied to this territorial thing, also. I feel invaded when the neighbor guy is sitting outside in his truck, blasting his music. How inconsiderate, I think. What makes him think that the whole neighborhood wants to hear his music? The occasional noise from a party is something I can put up with – but the daily assaults from the neighbor guy, or from punks driving down the street blasting their rap so loud it rattles my windows, make me wish I could invent some sort of cosmic ray gun with which I could anonymously just DESTROY their sound systems!
What hits YOUR territorial buttons? I'd love to know. Email me! Hermit.loner@yahoo.com
