Introduction
No Thanks, I Don't Want a Walking Partner
Hermit Loner Comes Out
We Say ... They Hear
My Solution to Noise Pollution
Don't Pounce on Me
Setting Boundaries
The Territorial Thing
Good Things
A Planned Community -- for Introverts!!
We Say ... They Hear
Since coming out to myself as an introvert, I have had several interactions with people in which I’ve tried to explain what it means to be introverted. The responses I’ve received have ranged from patronizing to downright hostile.
Everyone (except fellow introverts, of course) has, first of all, refused to believe that I am introverted. People will take one of two tones with me – patronizing, or disbelieving. “Oh, so you have decided you’re an introvert, huh? What makes you think that?” This is asked in a manner that clearly says “Oh, isn’t she cute, she thinks she’s an introvert, what will she think of next?” It makes me feel like I’m about to get a pat on the head and a “That’s nice dear, run along now!” The other response goes something like “Oh, no way! No way you’re an introvert. You’re so nice and so friendly, you are NOT an introvert.” Well, gosh, thanks so much for setting me straight on that, I guess I was a little confused. Sorry, of course you’re right, you know me better than I know myself, I guess if you say I’m not an introvert then I’m not. This is especially enjoyable when it comes from a casual acquaintance or a coworker.
After comments like that, then they say things like “Well, that’s too bad you feel that way, but this is the world we live in, you have to get along with people, you’re just going to have to accept that.” Um, I’m pretty sure I know that – I spend most of my waking hours accommodating you people, all I’m asking for is a LITTLE understanding and consideration in return, and this is the response I get? It’s no wonder we don’t speak up for ourselves more often.
I’ve decided that there must be some fundamental language barrier between us, so I’ve tried to compile a small set of handy translations. We say one thing, they hear something else entirely. It’s the only thing I can think of to explain the weird reactions that I get from people, to what I think are perfectly sane and reasonable statements or requests.
Here goes.
We say: “I’m an introvert.” They hear: “I’m confused, please set me straight about my own personality.”
We say: “I need a lot of quiet time and privacy.” They hear: “I think I’m some sort of superior being and I’m better than you.”
We say: “Thanks for inviting me to have lunch with you, but I go for a walk at lunch. Please excuse me.” They hear: “I’m a stuck up snot and I think I’m too good to hang out with you.”
We say: “I’d really like to have one area of my own yard where I can relax without being disturbed.” They hear: “I hate you, and I never want to interact with you in any way, ever again, for any reason.”
We say: “Thank you, but I don’t want to attend your party. I need some downtime to recharge after working all week.” They hear: “I hate you, AND all of your friends, AND I think I’m too good to hang out with you, to boot! And, I never want to interact with you in any way, ever again, for any reason.”
We say: “I don’t like talking on the phone. Can you please email me instead?” They hear: “I hate you, and I never want to interact with you in any way, ever again, for any reason!”
Really, can anything else explain the off the wall reactions we get when we try to explain what we need? It’s got to be that extroverts are hearing hostility and rejection that we don’t intend.
What do YOU think? Got any more translations? Email me! Hermit.loner@yahoo.com
