In today's mail I received this helpful feedback from an introvert who has developed a great strategy for coping with the holidays ...RO's Secret Weapon and it's a good one ... for those gatherings you simply can't avoid.
My mother is an extrovert, so she loves gatherings of any kind. In the past, she enjoyed hosting her own parties and she always wanted my sisters and I to attend (she likes to show us off). I always pointed out to her that, as the hostess, she needed to be able to mingle freely among the guests and visit with everyone. But, if she had to take care of the refreshments, she probably would end up stuck in the kitchen (a horror for an extrovert). Then I would volunteer to handle the food and beverages. Since it was my mother, this was a cinch. She always said yes.
When it comes to friends and co-workers, the same reasoning applies, but I have to tiptoe toward the idea because they often don't want to impose. If I get a chance before a party, I'll ask the hostess how many people she expects. Then I'll gasp at the number and say I admire her for being able to handle that many guests (and I am sincere about this, believe me!). The hostess will usually say that it's no big deal, but then start talking about the arrangements for food (catering or whatever). This is my cue to offer to help. That brings on another demure, this one about how I'll be a guest and not required to help. Then I point out about the hostess' networking duties. That usually works.
If I don't get a chance to talk to the hostess before the party, I just go into the kitchen and watch for my moment to offer to help. A general offer is usually declined, but if the hostess grabs and platter to take out to the guests, I say, "Let me do that for you." Then I'm in.
The key is to be enthusiastic about helping so they think They're doing me a favor. And they are!
I went to a co-worker's party Saturday night. She was thrilled to be able to circulate among the guests and leave the other aspects of hostessing to me. And I was happy to be busy.
I do need to point out, though, that sometimes the whole party ends up in the kitchen. But I'm still busy, which distracts me from all the noise and activity.
Here are some articles about introverts and holidays:
Uncle Introvert at Christmas
Hold the Holiday Hoopla ...
Parties
Survival Tips:
1. When visiting out of town stay at a hotel or motel.
2. Use things like "daily walk", "walk after dinner" or "quick nap" to create time alone and space.
3. Don't hesitate to use "the flu" as an excuse and tie it in with family values for best results -- "I wouldn't want [the newborn baby] [old Uncle John] to catch it."
4. Raise some consciousness. Don't feel bad and don't apologize, educate those who are ready to hear, "I'd love to but I'm an introvert and office parties with loud hip hop bands, carousing and hundreds of people kind of make me sick! Otherwise I'd love to come.
PLEASE SEND ME YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS AND HOW YOU ARE WINNING ... I WILL PUBLISH THEM TO HELP OTHERS. Just jot it in an eMaIL, casual format .... send to parklanenancy@hotmail.com In order to help others, be as specific as you can without revealing personal details if you wish to remain anonymous.
