INFPs, HEALER IDEALISTS, according to Keirsey (www.keirsey.com), are the gentle poets of the universe. They are especially attuned to issues of good and evil, often having been led to believe their "fantasy" world in childhood was an evil abstraction. Many HEALERS have unhappy childhoods. They represent only 1% of the population and are often misunderstood by those they incarnate with.

HEALERS are the peacemakers of the world. With their gentle sensitivty and their passion for the potential in those they love, they can appear to be like Don Quixotes, tilting at windmills. Despite their serene exteriors, HEALERS are intense and committed. You will find HEALERS working anywhere that people are healed by touch, talking, learnings and sharing.

INFPs are also called THE POET. In earlier classifications they would be members of the IDEALIST group, called APOLLONIAN and Choleric.

[This statement is not gender correct. I couldn't correct it without changing it completely, so please read it gender neutral.] "What is a poet? He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men. His poetry can bring deliverance from spiritual death, bringing his hearers to a new knowledge of their divine Creator, who gave him this special power. In this way souls that have been disordered can be healed, and the human relation with God may be restored when it has been impaired...This is the fruit and indeed the purpose of music and poetry, direct gifts from God to mankind." -- Elizabeth Henry, Orpheus and His Lute

Also see TypeLogic. Where Keirsey and TypeLogic differ in assigning famous people to categories. I have used my own intuition.

FAMOUS INFP HEALERS:

HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN
EMILY BRONTE
NEIL DIAMOND
PRINCESS DIANA
MIA FARROW
HOMER
JOAN OF ARC
MARY, MOTHER OF GOD
MISTER ROGERS
ALBERT SCHWEIZER
OSCAR WILDE [THANKS TO SUE LONDON]
SHAKESPEARE

Read what Nancy's INFP readers say about themselves and how they have learned to cope.

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6.6.2006 from a 19 year old

. found out I was an INFP at a retreat at an international school I was sent to in another country away from home. I was barely 16 and the retreat was an introduction to the school life, and was supposed to be about conflict resolution as well. At the time, I was drowning in inner turmoil, and all I could see was how many different ways the people and interactions I was experiencing were 'not ideal' or constructive. I was probably the biggest emotional wreck than I have ever been in my life, and had NO ONE to confide in because the letters home were always rosy, I did not want anyone to worry.

Anyways, the night I found out my type, the lady facilitating the experience got us to run to the side of the room we fell into for each category. When it came to I. vs. E. the difference was astounding. There were about three times as many Es on one side of the room jumping up and down and cheering while the few I.s were shyly glancing at each other with slight looks of mutual understanding. The facilitator said that our group was rare; that the general population normally split fifty fifty between I.s and E.s. It was probably because our school was entirely scholarship based and especially at such a young age, extroverts probably shone more in interviews. By the end of the session everyone was trying to group up with their matches. There was a massive group chanting E-N-F-P, but I could not find one INFP in the room, which left me feeling more isolated than I felt already.

Growing up I had one best friend, but for me that was all I ever needed. She and I lived in our own make-believe world, talked about everything, did double cartwheels together and made up games. Our teachers loved us too.
I can see the battle between good and evil within myself -just the other day I remember telling someone I was convinced that I harboured the devil. I also have had a man blurt out at me, "are you the anti-christ?" It later turned out that he was truly impressed by me, and that according to him, my very existence had proven an error in his logic and had helped him, in some way, therapeutically. I don't think that my battle between good and evil came from an unhappy childhood. I had an extremely rich childhood with two very good, nurturing parents. I attribute my battle between good and evil more to the way that people react to me. Both of my siblings HATED me for a good duration of my childhood. My Aunt and Uncle also blamed me for things when I was only acting honestly in the way I knew best. Other people LOVE me, to the point where I feel I have to create a distance between myself and them; men fall in love with me all the time. I don't know how to explain to someone that even though I understand you, you will never understand me and will be my cage.

My experience at the international school turned out to be a transforming one. I spent my first months there hiding away from people a lot; I always rather pull myself away from something than allow it to turn me against myself, but I got to know people one by one there, and by my second year I had many friends who I did indeed consider true friends. In fact, I became this sort of presence at the school; I know that a lot of those people held a true admiration and respect for me. I was probably fortunate to be surrounded by a lot of NFs, yes, many of us were pure Idealist.

I remember confiding in my childhood best friend that my dream was to go live in a cabin in the woods with lots of animals and no people. I remember having this true hatred for most people; my ideal world; lots of animals, no people; people hurt you, hurt animals, animals never hurt you. Today, I think I can safely say that I 've stricken a balance. I have an overwhelming amount of friends who all depend on me a lot, who I depend on and love even more. How I can do this is mostly that I've given in to the idea that people are going to hurt you, and that you will never truly understand them. Instead, I answer the hurt with love, the confusion with questions. I tried to describe this fight to a friend of mine. I tell her that in my life, I have always been fighting my first instincts towards people, because if I went with them, they would all be bad. That's something hard to accept, that generally you don't trust anyone. It's hard not to think that there's something evil about that.

Even though most of my relationships with the opposite sex still tend to be, No, thanks, but NO, I did manage to fall in love when I was traveling around South America. I think that's probably the good thing about INFP; when you know you know. We met through a friend one night dancing and it was instant. I could feel his whole soul and I let myself go for the first time in the arms of someone other than my mother. We could barely communicate two words in the same language, but we both knew. Fate would have it that I have not seen him after that night, but we wrote each other passionately, trying to arrange a get together before I left the continent that never happened. Still, we keep in touch, dreamily, and I know that it won't be long till I will be back there.

And yet still, I find, that as I mature, my relationships just keep multiplying. I don't think it's because I'm getting less INFP, but rather, because I'm learning more and more just exactly how I need to deal with it. And at the end of the day, I think the reason why people DO love me is because I'm honest and me, and that's what keeps friends. I even find that I'm tending towards falling into relationships with men even though I know they are not for me, in the long run, because I still like them a lot. Hmmm…. So yeah, That's me. I hope this is some help to you INFPs out there.

Oh yeah, and I'm a Econ Poli-Sci major, while half of me was running away to go to art school. In fact I am very happy with my choice. I am studying in my third language, which allows me to be arsty, and I am adding my abstract creative thought to the subjects, which is allowing me to think up positive creative solutions to the world that others have difficulty finding. I think I tend more towards dead centre on the F/T scale though, which could explain this. I have just always thought that thinking is feeling.

 

6.12.2006 From an 18 yerar old, Amy

feel the hardest part of being an INFP is in social relationships. I yearn for closeness with people and have an intense need for other people to like me. I hate myself when I perceive that someone might think of me as anything less than beautiful, charming, sophisticated, intelligent, and kind but I still dislike it when I think someone is judging me. I find it difficult to make friends and I am often unhappy with them when I do, yet I still cling to them and love them and want them to love me back. I’m getting ready for college and have never had any kind of romantic relationship. I feel like my standards are far too high, and the only type of guys I would have wouldn’t have me.

I’m constantly torn between my wants; when I’m out at a party or on the town with friends I just want to go home and watch a movie and when I’m at home I just want to go out. I love hanging out with people in small groups (3-5 people) but hate one-on-one or large groups. Sometimes I think people find me to friendly or praising. I absolutely find it impossible to criticize people to their face (even in a friendly, helpful way) but I do it all the time in my head or to my mother (the only person I bear my whole soul and true feelings to.) I despise conflict and go out of my way to agree with people. When somebody contradicts something I have recently spoken, and look to me to provide an argument I turn red and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible; yet I have no problem criticizing a group of people’s beliefs.

I want to thank everyone for their comments and would like to add that although I’ve only spoken my concerns about my social life, I do think that we are wonderful, passionate, and principled people, and that we really just need people to understand us.

6.27.2006 From Ryan, age 25

I have taken three tests and all indicate I am an INFP. Working in a law firm, surrounded by extroverted lawyers is very stressful for me. I feel like they are all so shallow. I am currently looking to escape my job and get into the health professions. My current job leaves me very unfulfilled and I need a job where I can see direct results helping others.

7.01.2006 From a 23 year old

I would give my life to protect the people I love.

7.03.2006 From Julia Rex, age 24

t is by God that I have found an identity that is stalwart in this world, that holds me in place while the rest of the world seemingly falls around me. I have found that it is not me that is falling, failing, or flailing. By God’s greatness, I am something unfailing, fervent, and forever fulfilled in a way that most of the world lacks.

I strongly identify with most of the other INFPs in that I feel like I have never fit anywhere, at least in this world. My childhood was brutal and my life still suffers, when I let it, from the reverberations of my more tragic experiences. Necessarily, I have had to learn how to adapt. At a particularly lonely time in my life, my sophomore slump in college, but I felt that I was useless, that I would never fit anywhere, that no one needed me, and that I was a foreigner. God planted seeds of hope within me, and I found life and purpose through service in church programs. It has saved me. And I must say that it relieves me of my painfully prone disposition to sulk in my misfit misconception of myself. I spend most of my thoughts and my time in the service of outcasts. When I see them on the street, at work, at church, or school, I see their hearts, and desire deeply to reunite them with the light in the world. I have found the vision to see others in pain, in misfortune, and trying circumstances and to shed rays of hope to them. Most recently with a fellow INFP who is surfacing from depression I have to tell you that I love all men, and that I have found no greater happiness in this life and existence than in the service of my fellow man.

7.07.2006 From 25 year old Nicole

I've known that I was an INFP since high school, but it's only recently that I am really starting to understand what that means and how to apply that knowledge to my life in a meaningful way.

I dropped out of college after four years, just short of a degree in English, and have sunk into a deep depression, desperately struggling to figure out what I really want to do with my life. I've become very indecisive and full of doubt, and lacking financial and personal support it's become almost impossible to get back on my feet and *live* instead of hiding in my mom's house (which is current full of extreme extroverts, my mom herself is an ESTJ) and refusing to face reality.

I've learned the hard way that I am definitely not a person who can stand to work every day at a 'paycheck' kind of job, but it is this kind of job which I am forced to have until I can use my earnings to finish college and get into a meaningful career. It is really hard to be an INFP and miserably poor with few prospects out of that poverty.

The hardest thing about being an INFP is our inability to forgive ourselves and to accept anything less than perfection. On one hand, I am delighted by so many little things, I have a million hobbies, I become deeply and passionately involved with things I love, but, on the other hand I see so very many things which are wrong, that drive me crazy. I want to change the world and everyone in it, but feel powerless to do so. Everyone tells me their troubles and secrets, but they don't listen to my advice, even when it proves right time and time again.

I want to be psychologist, but I wonder if it will turn out to be another venture where the fantasy turns out to be much better than the reality.

I identify with Emily Bronte, because I'm really into that darkly romantic stuff. Hans Christian Andersen, I love collecting stories and 'fairytale' type stories are an especial love. Shakespeare, because I am also deeply passionate, irreverent, and into irony.

7.09.2006 from 23 year old man

Much like a lot of the people on here, I was under the impression that I had to be an outgoing, wild & crazy, extraverted type to get anywhere in life, especially in friendships, dating and sexual relationships. Through Carl Jung, I found the best way to handle this pull is to love and honor your strong suits, nurturing and emphasizing them, and then developing some of your less-than-honorable traits such as shyness, hesitancy, predilection towards pessimism, etc.. It comes down to honoring yourself and appreciating what's INSIDE of you that will give you strength - this is something we're good at anyways, appreciation and honoring.

For the past 4 years, I have been on a very dedicated journey to make myself successful with the opposite sex (women). Again, I thought I had to be some tough, badboy player type to get anywhere with women - for some you do, but these women often have low self-esteem to begin with. What I found was that - through talking to my INFP friends who are guys - we often possess exactly the qualities that make the ideal lover for a woman: sensitive enough to understand and appease her emotional and physical needs & to feel her heart, yet still decidedly masculine and in touch with his masculine to ravish her in such a way. No longer do I feel so much hesitancy with women..bringing me to my next point.

As an INFP Man, I understood that I am a bit more feminine - in emotions, in dress, in how I treat sex & relationships - but I never put myself down for this. It is our job as humans to balance the masculine and the feminine, all the while honoring our Core. As an INFP Man, I had to learn certain traditionally masculine traits that didn;t come naturally to get along successfully in this society we live in: unflappability in the face of criticism and trouble, knowing exactly what I want from career, women and friendships, decisiveness etc.. I am still on this journey but as an INFP Man, we need to understand that it is these traditional masculine skills we need to develop, regardless of what Western Feminists would like for us to do.

I identify with Oscar Wilde. Once I started to come into ";my own" as a young man, I developed an impudent, witty demeanour with a bent towards whimsy and a child's humour, I certainly resonated with Oscar Wilde. And, barring his questionably sexual trysts, have always appreciated his lifestyle - especially his predilection towards a dandyish fashion.

7.26.2006 From a 25 year old man

hi all. in one of the top law schools in the country, and i hate it. i can't identify with all of the people here who simply want to enter into a career that will make them the most amount of money. the human costs of that, i feel, are quite high. i can't bring myself to live so shallowly, although i don't really tell too many people here at my school that (actually, i don't tell them very much at all!).

like a lot of the others on this site, i had a miserable childhood. being an infp is very difficult for teenage boys, i think, what with all of the pressure to ally yourself with one group or another. i refused to do it, because it didn't feel right to me, and as a result, i think i alienated myself from EVERY group. maybe it was some subconscious choice. because of this, i can't say that i had any real friends in highschool or middle school. no one at all, really.

i didn't talk very well with people, because i never felt confortable opening up to them, and was very, very shy -- especially to members of the opposite sex, some of whom, quite ironically, apparently found me very attractive (i was told years later in college that i would have been voted in the senior superlatives as having the "best eyes", if anyone knew what my name was!). things have changed a bit since then -- i'm a lot older and a lot more experienced, and i learned not to let those little cracks in the roadside of life feel like avalanches.

but certain things do affect me a great deal still. i broke up with my long time girlfriend recently, because it just didn't feel right -- for three years it didn't feel right even though i never told her this or gave any indication because i didn't want to hurt her. i just thought i would gradually come to think that she was my soulmate. that never happened, so i just kind of sprung it on her one day that our relationship was finished. that was tough for both of us.

night times are especially horrible now - and i feel very guilty for what i did, and i want very badly to find someone out there, but i'm looking for perfection, and how often does that come along? i'll maybe find one girl in a thousand attractive, and then will almost immediately fall in love with them, and will be crushed if they don't return my affection (and believe me! it's difficult t to even SHOW affection in the first place as i'm still rather shy). life is so unfair, isn't it?

anyhow, just wanted you all to know how i feel and wandered if any of you felt the same way. i'll keep soldiering on and find my place in the world if i can, or find no place at all and just deal with it. good luck in YOUR travels.

8.22.2006 from a 33 year old male

INFPs are such intense expressive writers. It was great to read about myself over and over. In a way it is rewarding to know you are not alone but in a way it is kind of frustrating that there are so many great people but I never seem to meet them. I am very proud to be like I am and at the same time wish I could be more stoic.

9.15.2006 from 44 year old Chris

recently discovered that I'm an INFP, and it was like a 10,000 watt lightbulb went off in my head!

It explains so much about my interaction-or, more acurately, lack thereof-with the 'real' world. Until recently, I worked in a corporate job (insurance underwriter, of all things) and was totally miserable. My quest in life now is to develop those special abilities that we INFP's possess. I'm a published humor writer, and I realize now that I can use this skill to connect to the outside world. I also want to work with people in a one-on-one fashion to help them better their lives (not sure how to go about this-any suggestions would be very welcome!)

In short, I now know that it's ok to be a little weird. I used to hate being a shy, sensitive misfit. I've always felt so out of step with the rest of the world. But really, I am blessed. And if you are an INFP, you are, too.

As Thoreau said, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."

 

9.27.2006 from 21 year old Anna

Fortunately for myself, I've been lucky enough to find a small handful of friends whom accept me for who I am. Other than the close company I keep, the outside world has been difficult. I've found it difficult to explain to others that I can't keep my focus and energy on the outside world all the time. I need large segments out of my day to simply let my mind wander without interuption.

Currently being a college student, I'm finding that very difficult. I'm constantly surrounded by external stimuli, and always expected to be social. Fortunately, I do go to a school that's pretty accomidating to introverts, Macalester College. Look it up if you're an INFP in search of undergrad schools. I also am starting to understand how much being social and a good listener can take a lot of energy out of me, and how to balance it. I think my life is based on balance in many ways, and making compromises. I have been accused on several occations of being too emotional, irrational, antisocial, oversensitive, and even headstrong in cases where one of my values is stepped on. When I find someone who accepts me for who I am, it's like a breath of fresh air. Its a relief to know that someone out there doesn't think I'm completely insane, and that I shouldn't either. A lot of my energy is used trying to find people who love me and appreciate me for my true self. Which is difficult since I'm introverted and become easily exhausted from prolonged socializing. So, there's the paradox of an INFP I think. Finding close relationships without going insane from over socialization.

I identify with Yeats (why isn't he on this list? in my opinion, one of the greatest INFPs of them all!)

 

10.1.2006 from 41 year old John V.

I have tested twice and come up INFP both times, but it seems I lack some typical ingredients. Like most of the entries here, I am reserved, prefer to be alone rather than in a crowd, have a fair amount of creativity, and feel alone in the world. However, while I do feel a compulsion to help those (relatively) close to me, I do NOT have a burning desire to save the world (but it bothers me that it needs saving) and although I rely on intuition for decisions, it seems to be steering me wrong. I make bad decisions pretty often, in business, life, people. It's enough to make you go sensory. I also notice I experience the lovely lows of INFP, but my personal pursuits no longer offer me the highs. I used to enjoy my solitude a lot more, now I find I'm needing to be around people to feel accepted.

In particular, there's one person in my life (an INFJ) whom I love to be around a lot more than she does me (which is an ENFP trait). In short, all of the positive aspects of being INFP seem to be slipping away from me. Is this unusual? Anybody been through this?

 

11.11.2006 from 31 year old Paul

I don't know if I've learned how to cope yet but I do feel like I am dreaming of riding purple dragons half of the time I'm awake.

I feel like I am not really part of my family and more of a freakin' alien. I wondered for at least 14 years if I was some freak of nature.

I quit easily when I don't find the perfect start and feel like life is pretty pointless when I have an overwhelming feeling that I am not going to make the huge changes in this world that I want to without making huge sacrifices. I suppose that is the unwritten law of the world - you can't have massive world change without sacrificing something of yourself.

I have come to the realization that trying to be perfect or even wanting to be perfect is an enormous burden and a self-inflicted curse. I think that most INFPs must take the step of writing their personal strengths and weaknesses down on paper to come to grips with the fact that most of us have our hands firmly grasping our own necks.

There's plenty of love for people of our caliber of kindness and understanding but first we must all come to love ourselves, lumps and all.

Mr. Rogers is the person that I feel is a hero. He was consistent, kind, loving, understanding, tolerant, and a calm honorable presence in a world overflowing with shit.

11.20.2006 from a 26 year old woman

As an INFP, there have been many, many times in my life when I thought: “what is wrong with me?” I have the ability to understand, but have trouble explaining what I know. I can’t express myself verbally the way I want to, but I can write passionately and with ease. I can see all sides, but have trouble choosing one because there is value in most all. I have the ability to feel others’ emotions, but I have trouble conveying my own emotions and feelings to others. Sometimes I feel that I have nothing to say to people, but my thoughts are never ending and I have many and diverse interests. I have trouble having superficial conversations, I have to relate to people on heart issues, or else the conversation is meaningless for me and rather disappointing. I connect with people in very intense, emotional ways on a level that is mostly non-verbal and I feel that I love people easily. I have trouble, though, relating to many people at one time because each relationship that I have is unique, so much so that I can’t integrate the relationships very well. I’m a very one-on-one person. However, I often have to get up and speak in front of people and if I am speaking from the heart I end up getting teary eyed/emotional. But even so, I’m sincere.

I will say that I was emotionally abused when I was an adolescent and I think that may have influenced my personality. I internalized all of my feelings and just recently let everything out…with great passion, relief, and conviction. But, being me, I am able to look back and see things in a positive light and know that I have grown to know myself in ways that I might not have, had I not experienced abuse and breach of trust. And I’ve looked at the other person’s point of view and realized that they were conditioned to behave the way they did, yet they still chose to be selfish and unloving.

When I feel like people don’t understand me, I try to remember that it doesn’t matter in the end. I am the one who must understand my personality so that I can use it in a positive way to reach out to people and be an example of love. That’s all I want, to connect in a loving, primal way. Luckily, I have connected with a handful of people who I know to me my soulmates…put in my path for a reason and I have a loving husband (ENTJ) who knows me and loves me so unconditionally…I’m very blessed.

I feel most free when I’m dancing. To feel the rhythm flow through me…I feel like I’m the one being played and I’m an instrument of expression—watch me dance and you’ll know me.

 

11.24.2006 from a 14 year old

I took several type sorters and came up with INFP every time. The description fit me perfectly- my friends and family all agree. I read that Idealist is the temperament that is most likely to be enthusiastic about the whole "type theory", and I find that statement to be true. I've been researching the topic for a while and learning what I can, while others I have told about type sorters find it boring after a while.

I am always thinking about the concept of good vs. evil- it fascinates me becuase I know that it's everywhere- our entire lives are based on it. I know that I'm very young to be concerned about such things and I'm also very young compared to a lot of the people who wrote comments about being INFP's, but we stick strongly to our beliefs and I feel like I have a say in what being an INFP is like, too.

When I'm...well anywhere with people, really, I do feel isolated. It's like I'm primarily existing in my own mind- and if people talk to me then fine. I'm surprised at how people respond to my ideas- as if they have never heard anthing like them! And the whole time that idea was just sitting in my head- nothing new. The activity in my mind is vigorous and I have a wild imagination. I'm known by my peers as an excellent writer and I love anything that involves creativity- I do very well in tasks that require more use of the right side of the brain.

I have never met an INFP in person before. I always feel like I'm alone. There is not too much comfort in knowing that there are other INFP's when I've never met one.

My relationships haven't gone so well in the past- I've endured many broken hearts when the other guy was just fine. That doesn't hold me back because I love to be in love (Yes I said love, not "crush"), but there is always a little sting in the back of my mind that reminds me of the pain I've been through.

I had a rough childhood- Dad left before I was born, then came back and left again. I've been sexually molested and that makes things worse for me because not only am I isolated by being a Healer, I'm isolated because I'm a "victim". I carry my scars with me everywhere I go- they're a part of who I am now. But every now and then I cry to let it all out.

Overall, I'm proud to be an INFP. I love Shakespeare's work and I think he was an extremely gifted man. If everyone could come up with plays as good as his, we Healers wouldn't be so rare. I treasure my individuality and gifts immensely and I always thank God that He gave me the mind, heart, and soul that He did. For now I am aware of my type and how it influences my life. Maybe someday I'll meet another INFP and that person would be like a mirror- reflecting my qualities and traits to make me just a little more aware.

 

12.13.2006 from 21 year old Pamela

I just recently found out I was an INFP (lol, it sounds like I've been diagnosed with cancer) and for the most part, it makes a lot of sense to me. I'm very introverted, although people read me wrong and thing I'm outgoing and bubbly, but it's a facade. I try to pretend to be extroverted because whenever I keep to myself, people assume I'm depressed or moody. I really like to be alone and think. I only like being around other people when they like to think too. There are certain thinkers I can't stand though, and those are they who aren't deeply passionate or spiritual about their ideas. Dry thought is anathema to me.

"Learning to cope" Haha, it's not as if being an INFP is some disease that makes life incredibly hard for me. As with all the personality types, there are the problems that make life hard to live. While I'm in school, I find that the pace is too fast for my over-thinking mind to keep up, so I either have to forgo thought, and simply absorb the material, or spend time thinking and watch my grades plummet. But when I make the latter sacrifice, school becomes an amazing experience to me. It's then that I feel my money is going to good use.

Sometimes I just want to talk to someone and tell them how I feel! After reading much of what has been posted here, I get the feeling people don't like to listen to us INFPs. And you know what's funny? Perhaps we don't even like to listen to each other. Perhaps we just want to be listened to, for once! Finding the right mate has been impossible for me, seeing as I'm not too hung up on my appearance. I spend so much time fantasizing about how I look that I forget to tend to how I actually look. And yes, like most INFPs, I live in a fantasy world. Sometimes I make a fantasy of a real person, which doesn't actually line up with them. Thus, I fall in love, not with the actual person, but with my ideal.

I feel sometimes that I identify with Mary, mother of God (and I hope this doesn't sound sacriligious!) Sometimes, when I'm writing, I feel like I'm giving birth to something...amazing. Something beyond my mere humanity. The same holds true for ideas that hit me square in the head while I'm thinking. I love Mary's "Magnificat" because I can identify with the joy she feels of creating something wonderful.

...Of course, my creations are nothing like giving birth to the Son of God!

12.14.2006 from a 14 year old INFP boy

To answer somebody's post above, I'm a Leo INFP too! You're right- we do dream of being center stage but stay behind the curtain. Being center stage in my inner world suits me just fine. That way, no one can laugh at me or judge me. Besides, I'm center stage to those who know me.

12.14.2006 from 28 year old John

wrote this in my journal the other day. Has anyone else ever felt like this:

Exquisite pain enveloping my soul.

Has anyone felt that feeling of pain that feels good. I've heard others talk about a joy-pain.

I identify with Shakespeare because life is utter pain or all encompassing delight.

12.20.2006 from Mohammed

when it comes to being introverted, i think i'm probably the most introverted person around, in my entire neighbourhood. the reason for this being that i love to sit at home. i live at home.

 

people don't often like me but i later found out why. i take immense pride in whatever i do. i later found out that people find perfectionistic work offensive!

 

i'm totally self-absorbed. i don't relate to other people. in school i was mocked and treated harshly. i think people envied me and the teachers also burdened me with so much of homework.

 

back then i didn't really understand but i was going to school against my will. i really did not want to go to school having my life at home. i was really forced to go there. everyday was a dreadful experience.

 

i became an extravert somehow when i finally left my home.

an extravert is something totally differnt. happier-much happier to my surprize. it was interesting to note in a website that extraverts are happier in a prozac kind of way.

i suppose i'm 100% introverted, and my entire life i've been trying for people to get to like me. being so self-centred, i realized once when i became an extravert how i was mocked harshly in public.

 

i've just learnt that there are 2 types of people in this world. extraverts, who are very different people from me. and to my surprize, even though i believe i'm quite happy, i really am just deceived by that outside world.

 

At the end of the day I suppose, everyone worships the same God. Our outlooks on life are different, but we experience happiness in different ways

 

1.2.2007 from 21 year old Eva

Almost everyone writes this but I say the same too, it was an incredible thing to see how many people are just alike me. I has an ESTJ father and an INFJ mother, and so, somethimes I just really wonder how could I end up as an INFP. I have never met an other one, all of my friends who took the test are INFJs, or INTJs.

I was always a dreamer, the child who sees the world in rosy colours, indeed. As a kid I was sure that my toys has their own life they just don't like to move when I see them, and thought that the cats around our house are secret agents, who are studing humanity. (OK, stupid I know, but I was around 5-6 back than.) I always wanted to become a writer so I always read and wrote many-many little stories, but I never found them good enough to show anyone. I have never had friends before the uni because people were simply too strange for me, and I was too strange for them. The other children usually made fun out of me only because I was always sitting alone in the corner and read my books, and the teachers encouraged them. A few years later I asked one of them why did she do it, and she said because they wanted me to play more with the others so they wanted me to feel ashamed for beeing such a looner. They thought this will make me want to play with the others, because a child who is more interested in her books than playing with the fellow girls and their dolls must be simply abnormal. In each school I ever went one of the teachers always seemed to recognise me as the typical abused or battered child they have learned in the school about, and they called my mother in each year and asked her what could my problem be. My parents would never hurt me, we had misunderstandings, but they were a loving family.

One of them - a literature teacher in the secondary school - even asked me if my parents constantly beat me. I was so surprised I laughed in her face. Next month she called my mother in again, and told her that she thinks I'm not good enough for a grammar school because I will never be accepted to the uni with my problematic behavior and I'm supposed to go to a vocational school. My mother slowly became ashamed with me and we had horrible arguments. After a while I started to beleive that I really has some serious problem. From time to time I cried myself to sleep because I hated myself and the fact I can't be different. I WANTED to be different. I wanted to like to chat with people even though I had nothing to say to them they bored me to death, and after each hour I spent with them I felt more and more tired and tense, as if all my energy just vanished into the thin air. I went to parties, and DISCO with my classmates and hated it to no end because I found the loud popmusic simply irritating.

I couldn't smile, and became shy and silent, and had sudden tauntrums whenever I couldn't play along as I wished. In these years I went home from the school with the thought that I will kill myself tonight - but I never dared, I was too afraid of the pain, and so I hated myself even more for beeing so weak.

I would gone mad if I do not meet with a boy in the school, who was very gay, and despised for it. He is the most typical ENFP whom you can imagine. He became my best friend, and loved my gloomy and moody personality so intensely that I slowly started beleive that I'm maybe not that terrible. I found that I love metal music and together we played crazy pranks on everyone around us and everyone hated us even more for it, but we didn't care.

Now I'm studing philosophy at the uni and the school is more than 300 km away from my hometown. I have lost the contact with him, but here are more introverted people around who think at least a little bit similar to me.
I have questions I want to be answered about the life itself. For first and foremost: Why?

I'm an ateist - most philosophers becomes one after a while, but I was an ateist in all my life. I envy those who are able to beleive. I wanted too, I wanted to have faith, but I can't. I see the faithfull people around me, and how calm their life is, with the knowledge that someone cares for them, and their death will not mean the end for them.

The religions for me are simply too absurd, I read the Bible and I find the christianity and its teachings too agressive and pompous for my liking and I fault it for all the bad and closed eyed thinking I met in my life and I see oin both America and Europa. (sorry if I hurt others feelings wih this!) From time to time I wonder how can anyone beleive in them and not to see this, but I remind myself that I has no right to judge anyone for I'm far from good too. The only thing I seem to be able to beleive is that this is the life (the world of the ESTJ), without magick, only with dry logick that seems to lack any logic for ME, and if you dare to dream the others will tear you apart. When we die nothing will come, no heaven, no hell, no afterlife, and none cares about us. But I don't want to beleive THIS!

Somethimes I feel I can't stand this anymore, I live my days in such a doubtfullnes that none seems to understand, and the answer to the question why? seems to exist only after the death, because relagion doesn't have it and even philosophy cannot give it to you. Sometimes I feel I will go crazy. Soon I will finish the uni and since I'm not good in anything I don't know what will I do. I'm not talented in philosophy for it requires a sense of logic I seem to lack.

I'm not talented enough to became a writer, for I seem to be unable to finish anything that I can';t finish within a week.

The only light in my life is my boyfriend, INTJ, a philosopher and a difficoult person just like me. We seem to deserve each other very much. He always tells me I shouldn't worry about my life, for he is a programmer and he will help me, no matter what. He wants to make a game program, and thinks we can became rich and famous and all... I think he is far too much of an idealist, but I don't want to "infect" him with my depression.

How do I cope with beeing an INFP? I hate the P within myself. That I seem to be unable to coop the rest part of the world. I can't stand the badness I see in humans and in myself too, I can't stand the way they love to make each others life to living hell and the even seem to like it. I just simply don't understand the world, so I gave up, and now I try not to wonder about them. Every morning I get up and take a big walk around the city and the parks all alone, I watch the river, and the birds among the bushes, I wish I could fly away one day, but until then, I jus wath them. These times realise that no matter what I said up here, I still love the world, and everithing within, even it's strange and bad people, and so I has enough energy for another day to go on.

When I found this site, I thought, maybe I will see how could others handle it, and that could give me hope, that this bad feeling will gone one day. Instead I found many -mostly unhappy - people with similar troubles, and so I find the picture of the future pretty bleak. I don't think I would be a romantic, instead someone sickly sceptic, but maybe one day maybe I will learn how to like to be an INFP. At least I hope. But I don't want a child, for I don't want to risk that he/she would became an INFP too. That wouldn't be fair.
P.S.:Sorry for the poor english.

1.5.2007 from 19 year old Kate

was uneasy about myself in highschool. I had a group of friends, but I always wondered why I didn't fit in with EVERYONE. I thought I wasn't nice enough or that it was because I'd been brought up differently to the others. I was never sure of myself, especially around lots of people. I've always been better in small groups or one on one, and I can be quite outgoing when I'm in that sort of group. Sometimes I just put it down to being a writer and an observer and the fact that I thought a lot. It wasn't until the end of my first year out of highschool that I found out that I was an introvert! I'd heard of introvesion and extroversion before, but never really examined the idea. I went to a free writing workshop that year and the facilitator was Meyers-Briggs qualified. He introduced us to the MBTI and when I'd worked out that I fitted into the INFP category, he gave me an information booklet on INFPs. I couldn't believe what I was reading! This booklet perfectly described me in all my detail. Ever since then I've been so much more confident with who I am and the way I behave. I can now happily be in a large group of people and be my quiet self without feeling awkward, because I know that's who I am and it's OK to be an introvert! I'm also starting to notice a pattern in the types of people I'm drawn to. Most of my close friends and the people I wanna be around and get along with best are extroverts. I used to think those people were 'out of my league', but it turns out they get as much from me as I get from them! It's true that opposing types really compliment each other and I've noticed that a lot of long lasting marriages are inrvoert/extrovert couples. The MBTI has helped me a lot. Sometimes I try to work people's types out so I can understand them better. I hope any other insecure introverts out there will also learn that they are OK and have more confidence in themselves.

I identify with Shakespeare! I see my own thoughts in his writing. I'm also a writer and people say they can see their thoughts in my writing!

 

1.6.2007 from 28 year old Jim

or me , having to overcome emotional and spiritual deficits growing up and older, especially the last 10 years, has to be that i am at last realizing and seeing clearly that which i was meant to be to myself.

i find myself trying to , and at times accomplishing, the natural me that was supposed to be. i also notice that i am not a wimp like so many of us feel we ought to be. that is is authentic to be upset and SAY so and that others will not vanquish me or turn away from me or somehow diminish me. i DO notice that some will turn away from me when i do. but i am more sure in trusting that when i DO i am true within myself, and that i am healthy physically for not letting myself stay bottled up inside.

i also seek moments at work and elsewhere to suspend myself in thought/impression so that i can burrow into my conciousness so i can hear myself think. usually someone comes up invariably and says... you ok? i hate that, but i guess i must look vacant.

finally, i believe i communicate with God . i can hear Him in return because i sort of cry a bit or or i hear a inner voice respond. i believe that i can talk now because i have found a spot in me where i can be heard and hear that i didnt have before. some may say it is prayer , but i find that prayer isnt the recitation of a book line, but the inner dialogue developed over time and inner trust and readiness.

it is that infp in me that has come to that spot with much effort and turned willingness.

that for me is what an infp is. some day i may be able to explain it better.

1.14.2007 from 21 year old Will

his is a darned interesting site, and yes its good to hear from like minded people who appreciate the everything else in terms of superficiality. Procrastination is my biggest enemy, i'm a songwriter and procrastination is just something one cant do. As a matter of fact I have a song in my tape recorder that I think can get me signed, but i'm too lazy to scribe it out for a band to record. Could it be that i'm afraid of failing?

Why it is a mixed blessing to be an INFP is because yes, your more intune with yourself and very strange which makes for a good artist, but its the everything else in life that sucks...the fear of being totally normal, you know this picturesque scene of filtering through a catalogue choosing what kind of couch would best suit my wife and i's townhouse down the road. Puke said the weasel as I have said, so the stranger road to becoming a singer songwriter has begun, now to close internet explorer.

 

2.2.2007 from 35 year old Ben

Mostly it feels like noone is on the same wavelength as I am. I can never seem to make other people understand me, although I seem to have a gift of understanding other people. My jokes fall dead whenever I am brave enough to try and be funny. Being around people makes me very uneasy, as I am very self conscious. I have always envied the "popular" people that make it look so easy to have a lot of friends. Through my life I have had only 2 really good friends. I am a good looking guy, which has helped a wee bit when it comes to talking to girls, but I always feel like I dont have what it takes to be like everyone else. Mostly, I spend time alone at home whenever possible, immersing myself in movies or video games (world of warcraft especially). I love to escape the real world and create my own. It is hard for me to live with anyone because I need so much alone time. My fianceee does not understand this, as she is a coookie cutter ESFJ. She takes it personally when I retreat to the office to get on my computer, or ask her for some private time. Going away to spend the weekend with her parents is torture for me, even though they are wonderful and loving people and I like and respect them immensely. I prefer to stay in on my cozy lilly pad with no one around but me and my thoughts and activities.

My finacee does not understand why I never take an interest in getting to know her friends. The truth is I have tried, but they do not seem to want to get to know me. Whenever we go over for a birthday party, cookout, etc. I will get a few obligatory words before they move on to other more engaging people and I am ignored, and then I am basically trying to just stay close to my finacee and pray for a speedy conclusion to the event.

I do not particularly care to have more friends, so I really dont put myself in situations where I have to meet new people. Meeting new people and making small talk is really draining on me.

Lately I have been wondering if I really ought to get married. although she is a fantastic person, I feel I cannot give her what she needs, and I know she will never be happy with my tendencies toward seclusion.

I have to say, I was elated to see all of your posts here. It is good to know you are out there. I have felt like an oddball all of my life. After recently learning of my INFP personality type, and seeing all of your stories, I see now that I am simply special :-)

2.3.2007 frm 26 year old Rebecca

When I initially found out I was an INFP, I was excited! The description really fit me, and I happy to find something that coud really describe me. Now, I hate it. I am depressed all the time, and I don't know how to get myself out of a rut. I seem to be able to think about getting out of a rut, but I can never actually do it. Sometimes, I wish to GOD I was an extrovert. Actually, I am VERY spirited, but I just can't seem to enjoy life to the fullest. I know that my imagination is very vivid, but I would like to live it not just think it. I don't know what to do. I can not continue to live like this.

I have a social work degree, and I am working on an English degree. I would like to be a writer, but I seem to procrastinate in doing that. I really starting to not like myself; I just don't know what to do,and I stay "stuck" in my thoughts.

2.4.2007 from 26 year old Shane

G'day, I am an 26 year old INFP hailing from Adelaide, South Australia. It's great to be able to read everyones' stories/comments, and be able to relate to most, if not all. I would like to share my life experiences as an INFP, if I may?

When I was a very young child, it was one of the few times I remember being happy. I had numerous friends at school, and we would actively use our imagination whilst playing with toys and to create fun games to play (as most children do).

As we grew older, and started high school, it seemed to me that my friends "changed." Looking back, it would seem they became less abstract and more concrete in nature. I found that communication became more strained, but they still got along with eachother just as well (perhaps intuitive [N] types retain more of this childhood imigination, which develops into abstract thought?)

In time, I began to feel like the odd one out, or the "ugly duckling." Even though I still had a group of 3 friends, I could feel they were different to me; even my ex-best friend from primary (elementary) school (who I later determined was an ISTP). I was also bullied and teased for being shy, and for achieving good grades.

Fortunately, my older brother and I felt we were the same, and had similar experiences with being bullied and misunderstood (he is an INFJ). We could at least relate to eachother, and didn't feel totally alone. We used to think we were different to other kids because we were originally from the city and had to a small country town of 200 people :) Our parents often didn't understand where we were coming from (as much as I love them). Our father even punished us for being fanciful as kids, even though we felt we had done nothing wrong.

Anyway, eventually two of my friends left school to start working (including my best friend at the time), and the third had joined another group of "cool" people. I started to feel more depressed and not care about anything, even studying, until one day when I was 16, sitting on the school bus, out of nowhere, I felt a sudden motivation or "cause" to help protect the environment. I started to think people were ruining the environment and that there were too many people in the world (strange, I know! :) This is probably because I mostly grew up in a country town, where there was nothing but dirt roads, and empty paddocks (some with sheep :). I then felt I had a mission to fulfill (a typical INFP trait :), but without knowing how to. I had new energy, but knew I still had 2 years of schooling left. I remember my school counsellor giving me a Job Guide that year, and asking me to decide what I wanted to do in life. The only job out of hundreds that "stuck out" was Park Ranger. I felt this to be a noble position for my "noble cause." I then set my sights on studying towards this, and just made the grades, due to a nervous stomach condition I developed during exams (it would not stop rumbling, making it hard to concentrate and I was red with embarrassment when people looked or laughed).

Also, in the final year of school, after resorting to hanging out with the group most thought as "mega nerds," a new student started in our year level. He and I instantly connected, and became friends over time. I felt he was the best friend I ever had, and even though we had different interests, we could talk on the same level, sometimes for hours. He tested as an ENFP, and we are still best friends to this day.

Over time, we both went to university, he to study Psychology, and me to study Applied Science in Conservation and Park Management, therefore qualifying me as a Park Ranger. At uni, I was young, idealistic and thought I could change the world single-handedly - I was on cloud 9 :). I was very wrong! I had a massive reality check, and realised the job involved a lot of manual labour and practical skills (I had never lifted anything heavier than a pen :) And my lectures explained that nature wasn't "romantic" and that it was cruel (as the saying goes). Although I made friends with some who had similar ideals (another ENFP and an INFJ), it really soured my "cause," and before I finished my studies and graduated, I decided I no longer wanted to be a Park Ranger. I then struggled to find any work, and felt my cause was lost (I was even too qualified to pick vegetables etc.). I fell into a deep depression, and some mornings I couldn't get myself out of bed to look for work. I would cry at night, and at one stage, thought about committing suicide.

Eventually, my mother found me a casual data entry job at her workplace - a financial firm dealing with investments. I was happy to do anything by that stage, and over the last 5 years I have worked there, where I am now a team leader of 7 staff. However, I have found that being a leader does not come naturally to me. I find it difficult to delegate extra work, as I feel bad for the staff, have unrealistic expectations of my staff, and have conflicts with my current manager (an INTJ, I believe). I have had to become more outgoing and organised (not my forte :), I am currently having thoughts of stepping down, as I feel it is not a natural role for an INFP. I also believe I am contributing to helping the rich get richer, and that disturbs me, not to mention investing funds into companies that ruin the enviornment..However, I am lost at what my purpose is in this world, but I'm hoping it will present itself soon :)...Right now, I am concentrating on keeping my relationships happy, especially with my girlfriend who I met 4 years ago, who is an INFX (X is a cusp between P and J).

But what did I learn going through this?

1. If you meet people and you don't get along, don't think it's you who's the problem. Accept that people have different personality types, and that yours is rare and unique (without being big-headed, of course :).

2. Try to identify any people who might be of similar type (especially other NFs), and strike up a conversation with them. Who knows, you may just become friends! Remember, actively listen to them and ask probing questions.

3. Before you set your sights on what you want to do in life, research what it involves. That way you won't be disappointed if you find it wasn't as you had idealised.

4. Try not to get too defensive if someone disagrees with your point-of-view (I know I still have to work on this one :) If you feel anger rising from a negative comment, pause, and breathe. Take a moment to think about what you're going to say, without insulting the other person or stating incorrect facts.

Thanks for listening,

Shane

2.12.2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALSO SEE THE INFP GOOD AND EVIL SERIES, begin here.

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An infp child watches the world news.

from Jonathan Cainer's website
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cartoon by Sally Fisher