I
recently interviewed Susan Harbison, an introvert and the
mother of one year old Emma Kate, also an introvert. Listen
as Susan describes her experiences with her daughter. Notice
Emma Kate’s introverted characteristics. Already at one
year old, she is territorial, intense, has the ability to
focus and concentrate, gravitates away from people and things
and is not always “friendly” by extrovert definitions.
Susan
Harbison begins speaking about herself and her daughter, Emma
Kate.
“As
an introvert it is a delicate and thorny blessing to witness
the new life process of my tiny daughter, an introvert as
well. It is delicate when I smoothly do the right thing, easily
solve the problem or brilliantly stop the tantrum because
I understand her so well.
“It
is thorny when I say ‘she is an introvert’ and people
shush me quickly saying ‘you don't know that yet...maybe
she's just taking it all in and she'll be the life of the
party when she grows up.’
“I
did not know that what I am, what I identify with in my own
child, is something to be avoided. The more people make excuses
for Emma Kate’s intensity, the more I am offended for
myself. Like her, I was never mean-spirited or spoiled, loud
or obnoxious, grasping or needy ... and like her I was pitied.
People held out hope that I would some day be nothing like
myself and everything more like them….
“For
some perverse reason, human beings are attracted to someone
that won’t pay attention to them. This poses a problem
for my one-year-old daughter who can entertain herself and
like most introverts, gravitates away from people and things.
Emma Kate is a magnet for people who want to pick her up and
have that attention for themselves. The minute they get it,
they put her down somewhere else because they have lost interest.
“I
always try to be mindful of Emma Kate's existence as a sentient
being. I am careful about moving her around especially now
that she is walking and can do this for herself. I recognize
that she has the ability to concentrate and that frequently
I must interrupt her. I try to encourage her concentration
by putting her back where I found her playing, or giving her
back the toy I had to take away for a minute etc. For example,
if I recognize before she does that it's time for a new diaper,
I take her in and change her, then put her right back where
I found her. Emma Kate doesn't throw a tantrum about having
her diaper changed. If I have to take a toy away to wash her
face, I return the toy immediately after I am done.
“I
try to treat Emma Kate like a person with excellent powers
of concentration - just like me. I recognize this for the
wonderful opportunity that it is and I use those moments when
she is totally engaged in an activity to get my other work
done. In return, she treats me gently. She is not gentle with
everyone. She is friendly and smiley and laughs but she is
not always gentle. I have to assume that she feels I am gentle
with her and she returns the favor. It is a blessing to be
able to do that.”
Like
most introverted children, Emma Kate moves away from stimuli
such as people and things. She focuses and concentrates at
an early age. She is intense and territorial. She is exhibiting
the normal behavior of an introvert. Once you understand the
characteristics of introverts in positive terms rather than
thinking they are just failing at being extroverts, you can
support them in their natural self expression.
