WHAT OTHERS HAVE SAID
7.09.2005
Name
Jennifer
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? outdoors somewhere in a natural setting; I find the influence of nature calming
and the quiet more conducive to sharing thoughts
Any other comments about intensity? I love intensity and it seems the one thing I just can't get in communications
with others. I can definately be too intense sometimes and sometimes have to
pace my answers (blurting out just tends to make other people uncomfortable).
It's frustrating not having some verbal outlet for this intensity, feeling that
I always have to keep a lid on it otherwise I'll scare others away.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? typically have too much too say with multiple thoughts colliding for
expression. It is at this point that I usually "short circuit" and nothing comes out. I find myself frustratingly trying to crab a single thought. I usually just end up being silent when in reality there was so much I wanted to say.
Have you been successful at learning other ways to get your ideas across? The best way I've found for getting my ideas across is playing the role of the
silent one and then when I have something I really need to contribute to speak
up then and only then. When people aren't used to you speaking, when you finally
do speak, they seem to listen. But the communication must be calm and measured.
Any intensity or passion seems to scare people off.
Anything else you'd like to share? The best way I've found for getting my ideas across is playing the role of the
silent one and then when I have something I really need to contribute to speak
up then and only then. When people aren't used to you speaking, when you finally
do speak, they seem to listen. But the communication must be calm and measured.
Any intensity or passion seems to scare people off.
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7.06.2005
Name
Kendra
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, loss of words and frustration with opposite type
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? I love to talk wherever I know I'm safe from being overheard by people I don't
know or don't want to talk to; the back corner booth in a restaurant, for
example, or in the car.
Any other comments about intensity? I do tend to be fairly intense, but I'm also pretty big on not taking myself too
seriously. Intensity in other people doesn't bother me at all, though; in fact, I find it rather attractive, as long as they don't expect me to be intense about something just because they are. That's one of my absolute pet peeves.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? One time REALLY sticks out in my mind, although there have been hundreds of
others. The first time my stepdad told my sister and I that he loved us, there was this huge, awkward, horrible pause. My sister is more extroverted than I am, but she's also less trusting and open about her feelings (she's an E/INFJ, while I'm an INFP), but neither of us had a clue how to respond; he's an extremely kind man, and I do love him, but I could not for the life of me get the words out of my mouth. I thought I was going to pass out, to be honest, and the pause got longer and longer, and it got harder and harder to say anything. I've never felt so useless, stupid, or mean as I did that night, and it did NOT help that my extremely extroverted mother was glaring at me the whole time, or that she dragged me aside later in the evening (just me, not my sister) to chew me out for hurting his feelings.
Have you been successful at learning other ways to get your ideas across? The most important thing, I think, is not to give up if you don't think the
other person understands you. The only message that giving up gets across is that you don't care about them enough to make the effort to explain yourself. Different people will hear the same words differently, so you have to keep trying until something clicks.
Anything else you'd like to share? Never try to force an introvert to bare their soul to you, because NOTHING will
make us run away faster or harder than that. Tell us how you feel in simple, quiet terms, and then please give us the space to think about it for a while. I'm not saying you should wait by the phone for the next ten years, but at least be willing to give us ten or twenty minutes! (A day or two would be even better.) Even then, we might not be able to tell you in words, but our actions speak very loudly. I've never met an introvert yet who wasn't perfectly capable of shutting someone they didn't like or who made them uncomfortable out of their lives.
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7.06.2005
Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, loss of words and frustration with opposite type
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? car
Any other commments about intensity? many complaints of being too intense, i don't like all types of intensity, but i
hate banality
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? it happens alot to me. but when situations are less important i can talk more freely.
Have you been successful at learning other ways to get your ideas across? i think i've degenerated into just pretending, and when i'm tired of it all i
lash out and make a fresh batch of enemies. i have alot more enemies than friends.
Anything else you'd like to share? people think i'm negative, but they often ask for my advice. i think it's because they aren't used to discerning hard truths, and fantasy land gets them in trouble.
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5.15.2005
Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, frustration with opposite type, one person won't talk about their feelings, loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? Usually at the beach or on a walk when I can have some time to reflect on
questions with no interuptions
Any other comments about intensity? I have not been accused of being intense just that I do not contribute to
conversations, that I speak at the wrong time, and that I withdraw too much and
look like I am not having a good time
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? Usually when my husband tries to communicate with me he assumes that there is
something wrong with me. He makes me feel so bad about who I am that I can't
respond. I want to communicate with him but he wants a response immediately and
I feel so much pressure that I can't get accross what I am trying to say.
Anything else you would like to share? I am constantly trying to figure out ways that I can seem like I am more of an
extrovert but it gradualy wears me down. I try to accept myself as an introvert
but then I am accused of not being happy and withdrawing. I feel awkward asking
my extroverted friends and husband to do things I like to do because when they
go along it wears me out. I have a friend that monoplizes the planning of events
for me and my family and I am accused of not thanking her for doing these things
when I'd rather say no to some of them. My husband just makes more accusations
if I don [form must have been cut off]
-- Anonymous
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4.23.2005
Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? beach/walk/definately outside
Any other comments about intensity? not too intense too sensitive
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? i always feel i have the best communication after i have a day to toss it around
in my mind...don't do well with the stream of conscious sort of chatter
Anything else you would like to share? how do i get my extrovert to understand me
Do you grind your teeth? no
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4.15.2005
Name
Pamela
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, one person seems to try harder, loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? I seem to open up more if I don't have to speak face-to-face, so walking is the
most comfortable for me. Sitting in comfy arm chairs in coffee shops is always fun because I feel free to be quiet and just people watch, or grab the newspaper and read a couple of lines while thinking of something else to say.
Do you grind your teeth? yes
Any other comments about intensity? I've gotten the "lighten up!" comments before.
It looks like her survey was cut off at this point....
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3.10.2005
Name
Nadine
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, loss of words and frustration with the opposite type
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? at home if I will get emotional, in a coffeeshop with a friend is nice too, I
like instant messaging but with friends only! not with strangers (never, never!)
Do you grind your teeth? actually, it is not grinding my teeth, but I do this cracking thing with my
jawbones, ever since I was a child
Any other comments about intensity? sometimes people complain I am too emotional, not distant enough, that I should
relax more, so I guess I am a bit too intense at times
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? I have to prepare myself mentally for conversations, about what I want to say,
if unprepared I am often caught speechless
Anything else you'd like to share? n/a
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3.03.2005
Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes, loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? in the dining room, in the car, in the computer room, in the cafeteria,
'outside'
Do you grind your teeth? yes
Any other comments about intensity? i like a similar level of intensity to me. if it is more, i get scared. people
often say i am too intense.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? yes. in a meeting, the chairman turns to me and says 'what do you think
caroline?' I am on the spot. I say ' I don't know...' the room laughs. i think
furiously. i am able, later on, to put my thoughts in writing eloquently. so now
i say ' i will send you an email on it'.
Have you been successful at learning other ways to get your ideas across? i tend to write my ideas down. even if i want to have a BIG TALK, I write it
down in an email. I amm pointing my friends to this site now as well - look,
here I am!
Anything else you'd like to share? n/a
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12.27.2004
Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article? yes
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? In a restaurant having lunch, on the sofa when everybody's just being loud and
there's only the 2 of us, on the phone - I'd sit in my room and just have a good, deep conversation. When I was in highschool (I'm now in college), I'd talk with a friend or 2 friends at times in an empty classroom (we'd sit on the desk, when everybody's out having sports or whtvr) and several times we'd sit in a quiet corner of the library
Do you grind your teeth?
Any other comments about intensity? I am intense in the sense that I'm deep when it comes to feeling emotions.
Movies like Being John Malkovich and American Beauty unleash deep emotions
inside. Yes, I am intense. I look intense at times. I'd be quiet and
contemplative and ppl would ask, "Why do you have to think so much?"
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? Not that I can remember. I dont talk a lot, by I have good talking skills. I
know how to convey my points across. Most times I dont feel the need to, as I
feel secure in my silence and independence
Have you been successful learning different ways to get your ideas across? Be spunky and ask questions when a person in front talks on a subject that
you're interested in. Ask, ask, ask! Find someone you can talk to freely and ask
and share views.
Anything else you'd like to share? n/a
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Name
junetty
Did you identify with any of the things in this article?
one person seems to try harder
loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? bedroom
Do you grind your teeth? n/a
Any other comments about intensity? n/a
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? n/a
Anything else you'd like to share? n/a
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Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article?
one person seems to try harder
one person won't talk about their feelings
loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? living room
Do you grind your teeth? yes
Any other comments about intensity? No other comments.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? no
Anything else you'd like to share? no
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Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article?
frustration with oppposite type
one person seems to try harder
one person won't talk about their feelings
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone? in bed, couch, private
Do you grind your teeth? Yes.
Any other comments about intensity? No other comments.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say? yes. can't make small talk with an introvert. need as much help from extrovert
as possible.
Anything else you'd like to share? My husband is an introvert, I'm a mixture of both. I really miss being drawn out as opposed to drawn in. Wish we could talk more.
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Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article?
loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone?
intimate small place like: restaurants, cafes, parks
Do you grind your teeth?
No.
Any other comments about intensity? No other comments.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say?
yes. i simply told that person that i've no comments to offer.
Anything else you'd like to share?
I think first of all you have to make eye contact and really make sure the person is listening, even if it means asking them if they are. Sometimes I have to repeat what I'm trying to say until I'm satisfied they got it. Writing always helps me to get my point across and it's very beneficial to me, a release of emotions. Sometimes I can say more in writing than directly talking with the person.
I have learned to accept who I am and to accept than my world is very different than an extroverts....I don't judge myself and make myself feel guilty for having introvert qualities. We are here for a big reason, still learning those reasons, but do believe that we can teach extroverts lessons on listening skills and looking within, they would probably overlook without some guidance from introverts. The more I read and learn on Introvert qualities, the more advantage I have of understanding myself.......we are different and it's okay. Some will get us and some won't, we just need to be true to who we are and live a loving and compassionate life towards ourselves and others.
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Name
Anonymous
Did you identify with any of the things in this article?
frustration with oppposite type
one person seems to try harder
one person won't talk about their feelings
loss of words
WHERE do you like to talk or have a good talk with someone?
car, living room, Starbucks, phone, internet
Do you grind your teeth?
No.
Any other comments about intensity? No other comments.
Did you ever get caught with nothing to say?
yes. i simply told that person that i've no comments to offer.
Anything else you'd like to share?
yes. screw (pardon me) the superficial extroverts who said "you really must open your mouth" just because they know that i'm going to study psychology soon. i can't small-talk if there's nothing for me to share with them. if they keep on pushing my buttons like it's their business, i'm afraid they will be given a hard time because i can pinpoint their innermost insecurities and that's going to be an ugly scene. i don't want this to happen.
nancy r. fenn
